Uninvited

I haven't written anything here in quite some time. My spirit has been really challenged since the last time I did blog, which was during Holy Week.  Though it might be hard to believe for those of you who truly know me, I have not been able to put words to this spiritual journey until now.  I pray that these words actually convey my earnest intentions.  Writing always seems to help me process and get things out of my head and heart that are taking up WAY too much space.

I've been uninvited.  It happened a few weeks ago.  A call from a respected pastor friend telling me that I was no longer welcome to preach in his church.  I've never been un-invited before.  I mean I have "not-been" invited many times.  The title of pastor as a young adult sometimes lends itself to exclusion in lots of situations.  (I mean, I can clear an entire bar by just the mention that I'm a pastor). But this "un-invitation" came as quite a gut-wrenching surprise.

This summer a clergyman in my conference of the UMC was forced to resign from his church because of his sexuality.  He and his partner had been very open about their lives from the very moment of his appointment.  The church was flourishing, exciting, and on fire with the Spirit.  That is it was, until someone outside who I'm sure will remain anonymous forever gave an official complaint to our Bishop about the situation.  Thus the quick response to call for his resignation and the death-blow to a church that had little time to prepare.

In the midst of huge decline in membership in the UMC, a financial crunch that crushes our campus and camping ministries, and a general spirit of anxiety at what the future holds, this happens.  I felt like a five-year-old as my Spirit cried out to God, "This is NOT fair."  You see, I look at the bigger picture of my denomination and I believe that our theology is exactly what the world longs to hear.  I love our theological history and grounding.  I love that we emphasize love and grace available to all, and that we truly believe the church is mean to be a movement rather than four walls and a bunch of pews.  My dedication to this denomination speaks for itself (I hope) and I foresee another thirty years of ministry in whatever places the itinerant system deems I should go.  At this point, however, I'm not sure there will be any churches to serve. These days claiming my credentials as a United Methodist pastor lends people to say things like, "Oh no, that church is the worst."  It is painful to think that this Church that led the way in abolishing slavery is being held hostage by the fear that God cannot possibly call certain people into ministry, or into the covenant of marriage.

Uninvited.  I've been asked NOT to preach because of my desire to serve a denomination that cares more about the movement of the Spirit and less about the archaic rules found in Scripture that were clearly written for a certain time and place.  What about Paul I am asked.  My reply, what about Jesus?

This week I spent some time with my mom in a place she loves, Shipshewana, IN.  This place is so interesting as two worlds collide: the Amish and the "English".  I imagine many of you have been there, but if not it's a great day trip and very cool place to visit. We went to the flea market, which offers a variety of strange and wonderful things, from antiques to socks to beautiful hand-crafted furniture.  Right in the middle of the dusty flea market I again encountered the Holy Spirit.  I feel like the last six months God has been really "messing" with me.  Challenging my heart in such ways that I can't sleep, causing me to question if I'm living out this calling in the way I am supposed to.

We had been walking up and down the rows, just laughing and enjoying ourselves when we began to hear that old-time religious music that I love.  "I saw the light, I saw the light, no more darkness, no more night."  It wasn't the music that I found interesting right at that spot, it was the really awesome t-shirts for sale across the aisle.  "Give peace a chance" they said, "Give more, take less."  As I began to look I knew I would purchase a couple of these shirts for some friends.  The gal who designed and created the shirts was really cool!  I made mention of the loud music and wondered if she listened to it all day everyday.  That's when God stepped in and kept me quiet.  I told her I wanted to buy shirts for my college students and that's when she began:

She loved the music.  She loves God.  She made some "God" shirts but they weren't the kind people really like.  They asked the hard questions.  Nobody bought them.  Then she said, "Do I look gay?"  I was completely caught off guard.  "No," I said. Then she began to tell me that she was, and that her partner looked more gay than she did.  She began to tell a story of her parents inviting them to an ice-cream social at their church (a UMC in Indiana).  Mom called to invite them, so they were excited to attend this fun event at the church she had grown up in.  But as they were headed to the church another call came from mom.  "Why don't you gals just go to dinner and we can meet up at the house?"  They'd been uninvited....again.

She explained that she and her partner had been married in a Lutheran church by a wonderful pastor that they loved.  After the ceremony they attended worship, until the church council met and voted that they not be allowed to participate in the ministries of the church.  Uninvited.

As a clergy woman I take my credentials very seriously.  I worked SO hard to obtain the necessary degrees and pass the written/oral interviews.  Ordination was one of the best moments of my life, bringing a finality to my acceptance that God really had/s called me to serve to the best of my ability.  So when the call came in explaining that I was no longer welcome to preach (though I intended to preach about the ministry of the Wesley House) the tears rolled.  My dedication and integrity had been questioned, though I had no avenue of sharing my thoughts or motivations.  This amazing ministry with which I work would not receive the welcome I had hoped....just because of my opinion.

It's been a bit now, but in the midst of my discernment God confronts me with people like the T-Shirt seller.  How can we have the same mind of Christ, if we continue to put rules around the table?  Campus ministry is an interesting adventure.  We encounter students that are all over the map theologically and spiritually.  Some come from traditions that give them the black and white foundations that keeps them safe - until they encounter a person or situation that yanks them into the gray areas.  Some come ready to debate whether or not the church is even effective anymore or relevant.  Some come as blank slates, just looking to connect with service opportunities and make the world a better place.  Nearly all come in the midst of that deep exploration of "who am I, and what is my purpose?"

Wesley Campus Ministries are about building up leadership for our churches and for the future.  How can we do this with integrity when some of our students are like the T-Shirt seller and will be uninvited to the table, to the church, to ordination.  How can we minister with integrity, sharing about the Wesleyan love and grace, mercy and salvation when our leadership makes decisions that cause pain, harm, and decline.

The wrestling in my soul continues as I watch wonderful pastors leave our denomination.  It continues as I prepare to welcome students to the Wesley House, a safe place for people to engage their spiritual lives.  The wrestling comes when I think of my teen years working with/for people who had loving partner relationships of the same-sex.  I can't represent a church that is quick to un-invite when I'm so certain that Jesus was the only one who invited all to the table, to the movement, to Life.

I write this not to persuade or get into a debate, but to share a bit about this journey I have been on.  Mostly it's a way for me to get some of these things out of my heart - because sometimes I feel like I'm being swallowed up.  Please join me in praying for anyone, anywhere who has felt uninvited to a relationship with Christ because of their identity. God doesn't intend us to judge, but to love.

Oh My God.

This is a video of the Jars of Clay song, "Oh My God."  It's a song that always makes me think and one I think appropriate for this day of preparation as we begin our journey to the cross with Christ.  For me, this song is a prayer that encompasses the depth of one crying out to God.  I invite you to listen and let it speak to you.  I hope it is as powerful for you as it has been for me.  (This video isn't perfect....especially all the white-guy Jesus pics at the end - sorry about that!)

Here are the lyrics to the song:

Oh, my God, look around this placeYour fingers reach around the boneYou set the break and set the toneFlights of grace and future fallsIn present pain, all fools say, "Oh, my God"

Oh, my God, why are we so afraid?We make it worse when we don't bleedThere is no cure for our diseaseTurn a phrase and rise againOr fake your death and only tellYour closest friends, oh, my God

Oh, my God, can I complain?You take away my firm beliefAnd graft my soul upon your griefWeddings, boats and alibisAll drift away and a mother cries

Liars and fools, sons and failuresThieves will always sayLost and found, ailing wanderersHealers always say

Whores and angels, men with problemsLeavers always sayBroken hearted, separatedOrphans always say

War creators, racial hatersPreachers always sayDistant fathers, fallen warriorsGivers always say

Pilgrim saints, lonely widowsUsers always sayFearful mothers, watchful doubtersSaviors always say

Sometimes I can not forgiveThese days mercy cuts so deepIf the world was how it should beMaybe I could get some sleep

While I lay, I'd dream we're betterScales were gone and faces lighterWhen we wake, we hate our brotherWe still move to hurt each other

Sometimes I can close my eyesAnd all the fear that keeps me silentFalls below my heavy breathingWhat makes me so badly bent?

We all have a chance to murderWe all have the need for wonderWe still want to be remindedThat the pain is worth the plunder

Sometimes when I lose my gripI wonder what to make of HeavenAll the times I thought to reach upAll the times I had to give up

Babies underneath their bedsHospitals that cannot treat themAll the wounds that money causesAll the comforts of cathedrals

All the cries of thirsty childrenThis is our inheritanceAll the rage of watching mothersThis is our greatest offense

Oh, my GodOh, my GodOh, my God

How will you take this journey with Christ?  Will you attend a worship service tomorrow in remembrance of the last supper of  Christ?  Might your feet be washed by another, as you recognize the vulnerability those disciples must have felt as Jesus knelt before them?

With so much going on in the world today my prayer is that we never cease to cry out to our God on behalf of those whose voices are silent.  At the same time tonight I pray that we might be reassured that God hears the cries of the oppressed, and works to set all captives free.

Prayer:
Oh my God, as we reflect on the things of the world that have a hold on us I pray you would free us.  As we come to terms with your sacrifice for us help us to realize the significance it has for all people.  Strengthen us to be like Christ in our words, thoughts, and actions.  Amen.

Not all Christians are assholes.

When I was in undergrad I learned of Pascal's Wager.  The basic premise is that is is beneficial to believe in God and be wrong than never to have believed at all.  It's all about what's at stake.  I know that living as a Christian has allowed me to experience the world in some amazing ways, and serving as a pastor has given me opportunities to be a part of some of the most wonderful sacred moments of people's lives.  I've held babies that are minutes old and the hands of the eldest as they pass from this life into the next.  My faith challenges me every single day to rise above my limitations in knowledge and ability, to trust that there is a greater purpose for much of what I cannot understand in this life.

Last week I was asked to help facilitate a small group discussion surrounding the denomination and our response (or lack of) to the changing culture of inclusivity.  In other words we finally were afforded the opportunity to really talk about the division that exists surrounding the full embrace of our homosexual brothers and sisters.  I actually dreaded the conversation because I am so tired of certain people having to prove that they are some how worthy of God's love, worthy to be in a marital relationship, worthy of a call to the ministry.  The more I am confronted by our denomination's lack of progress in this area the more I question my ability to stick it out.

The conversation was actually one of those "holy conferencing" moments.  We did our best to just listen to people.  It wasn't about fixing their thought process or changing their opinions.  People shared from their heart and for that I was grateful.  It wasn't until the last question that I really got to thinking.  It was a simple question, "What's at stake?"

What's at stake?  Think about it.  I guess that's what made me think of Pascal's Wager - for those who are so adamant that being gay is a sin, what's really at stake?  Do people really think that one day when they encounter God there will be a great big high five for "keeping people from serving God, preventing people from loving one another, or answering the call to serve the church?"  Is it not most beneficial to afford all people the freedom to be who God has created them to be?  What's really at stake?

Then Indiana comes up with this Religious Freedom Restoration Act - which ensures people freedom to exercise their religious beliefs.  I'd like to send the Christians who think this is a necessary law over to China so they can really experience what its like to be persecuted for believing in Jesus.  Not being able to make people pray in school or display the Ten Commandments at the courthouse isn't really destroying our freedom.  Anybody have to hide last week when they went to church?  Anybody risk their lives reading their Bible or praying in public?  We are pretty free, we just need to be respectful.  Won't more people come to know God's love by our actions than our words?  How does ensuring religious freedom automatically lead to people discriminating against others?  Have they actually read what Jesus did/said?

What's really at stake?  What are we so afraid of?

I ask myself, what's at stake?  I know my experience of the Holy Spirit that has called me by name to serve to the best of my ability.  I know the love of a God who created me to be as weird and stubborn and uncoordinated as anybody else.  I know a Christ who came so that ALL people would know the love of God - the guy who really broke all the rules by including the untouchables in the redemption of the world.  I want people to know God, to know Love, to know Peace, to know Eternity.  I'm just not sure how they're ever going to know it when we act like this.

I'm tired of being a Christian.  I'm tired of people who claim they are so Christlike using their beliefs as a weapon to destroy others.  I'm tired of being lumped into a group of people that can't see beyond their fears.

Tonight, I'm just tired.

Dollars and Cents.

12 1-3 Six days before Passover, Jesus entered Bethany where Lazarus, so recently raised from the dead, was living. Lazarus and his sisters invited Jesus to dinner at their home. Martha served. Lazarus was one of those sitting at the table with them. Mary came in with a jar of very expensive aromatic oils, anointed and massaged Jesus’ feet, and then wiped them with her hair. The fragrance of the oils filled the house.4-6 Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples, even then getting ready to betray him, said, “Why wasn’t this oil sold and the money given to the poor? It would have easily brought three hundred silver pieces.” He said this not because he cared two cents about the poor but because he was a thief. He was in charge of their common funds, but also embezzled them.

This story has always seemed so weird to me, I guess because of the intimate nature of Mary's anointing of Jesus.  It is pure adoration, giving of not only an expensive perfume but of her very self.  She loved Jesus, especially since he had raised her brother Lazarus from the dead.  And then there's the voice of Judas, one I expect came above all the other voices in the room.

"What a waste."

It seems like there is always one of those voices around.  The person who disagrees with what is being said or done, the one whose voice is louder than the rest.   The practical one who is seeing the dollars and cents rather than trusting in the powerful movement of the Spirit.  For Judas of course, it wasn't even really about what the money could have done for those in need.

Faith seems to encompass this balance between the practical and the mysterious, challenging us not to get too caught up in details at the expense of the larger movement of God.  It is certainly a delicate balance, isn't it?

As we enter into this holiest of weeks we walk this tightrope - watching and waiting as Jesus last days are remembered and celebrated.  We realize we are a lot like the Pharisees, caught up in keeping people out rather than embracing the love of God for all people.  We're like Judas, tempted by the practical things of the world, worrying more about ourselves than anyone else.  And I hope tonight that we are also a lot like Mary who sought out ways to be a friend to Jesus, to adore the one who came to save her, no matter the cost.

The challenge is to listen more to the Spirit than we do to the Judas' in our midst.  Offering ourselves to this journey rather than remaining caught up in the dollars and sense.  May God move in and through our lives this week, as we watch and wait, journeying to the cross.  Amen.

Peace.

This is what I looked like early this morning when my phone started making the Amber Alert noise.  I've never heard that noise before, let alone long before I should have been awake.  It certainly was one of those noises that makes you want to shoot straight up, not something I could just forget and go back to sleep.  I've seen some people complaining about the noise today on Facebook, but I totally recognize that if it were someone I knew that went missing I would want all the help I could get to make sure the child was found as quickly as possible.

Thankfully the situation that caused the alert this morning has been resolved and the young girl has been returned back to safety.  I know that while I tried to get back to sleep my thoughts and prayers went to the mother of this young child, and I prayed she would find peace in the midst of this scary situation.  It made me think about all the children that live in places of war where the sounds of gunfire and bombs are commonplace, and just how horrible it must be to live in fear day in and out.  It took a jolting horrible sound in the middle of the night to get my mind racing - maybe it was a good thing.

We get so comfortable in life, so used to having what we need, enough to eat, clothes to wear.  Most of us have a car to drive and are capable of keeping it fueled up.  It's easy to just rest in this comfort and lose perspective on God's call for us to take care of the orphans and widows, the poor, the oppressed.  We are called to be peace makers, but also to work for justice, to actively pursue opportunities to connect with those who have been ostracized.

Sometimes it can feel overwhelming and frustrating when we get the feeling that there is not much we can do - and it is then when I think we are called to pray.  We must pray trusting that our prayers are heard and received, that God is concerned with the people on our hearts and minds (whether we know them personally or not).

Psalm 36 says:

God’s love is meteoric,
his loyalty astronomic,
His purpose titanic,
his verdicts oceanic.
Yet in his largeness
nothing gets lost;
Not a man, not a mouse,
slips through the cracks.

How exquisite your love, O God!
How eager we are to run under your wings,
To eat our fill at the banquet you spread
as you fill our tankards with Eden spring water.
You’re a fountain of cascading light,
and you open our eyes to light."

For whom is God calling you to pray this day?  For what situations or people in the world do you have a deep concern? How is God calling you out of your comfort zone to pursue peace, justice and mercy on behalf of others?

Prayer:  God you have created us in your image.  Help us to see that sacred image in others, those with whom we disagree, those whom we love the most, and those that we may never meet but are in need of your presence in their lives.  Give us courage to trust in Your response to our prayers, hear us as we again cry out for peace in the world.  Amen.

Laugh!

A couple of my students sent me this video.  They promised to try these out and let me know which ones were most successful.  I cracked up when I watched this, and I hope you did too.  Sometimes it's ok to just laugh at ourselves.  

These days so much of what we do is serious.  We get up and work all day, come home and go through the evening routine we do our best to live out our faith day in and day out.  It seems like we can get so offended when someone gives Christians a hard time, we get pretty heated when we feel like we are being discriminated or picked on because of our beliefs.  I think we forget that the fathers and mothers of our faith were ostracized and truly suffered for their faith.  The crazy thing, is that most of them endured it without getting so offended.  Rather than use these incidents to fuel our desire to act in love in the world we often get pretty judgmental about what "God will do" to those who disagree with us.  When did we get so serious?  

Laughter is so good for us.  In fact there are lots of medical studies done on the healing qualities of laughter, not to mention that when we really laugh we even burn calories!  Children laugh 300-400 times each day, while on average adults only laugh 20.  

When is the last time you really  laughed?  How might you find joy in the midst of the seriousness of your responsibilities?  Are you taking yourself too seriously?

Scripture says in Psalm 126:

"When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,  we were like those who dreamed.Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy.Then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.”The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.

What great things has the Lord done for you?  When we celebrate the movement of God in our lives our perspectives change, being positive can truly be rooted in gratitude.  Might you find more time for joy in your life?  For what are you most grateful this day?

Amen!

9 Months

The Annunciation, Henry Ossawa Tanner, 1898

Sometimes I get surprised by things that I probably should already know.  Tonight as I was reading through the Bible texts for the day I was sidetracked by the realization that today, March 25th, is the celebration of the Annunciation (the day the Angel Gabriel announced to Mary that she was with child).  Surprise!  9 months until Christmas.  We'd better get busy, right?

No, I'm not telling you this so you start thinking about Christmas, we are in Lent so don't get distracted.  In fact, this Sunday is Palm Sunday so we are only 10 days away from Easter!  Time flies when you're having fun, or maybe for Lent time flies when you are examining your spiritual life.  Just when this time of examination and intentional sacrifice gets to be old-hat we are confronted by the praise of Palm Sunday.  Just as we prepare to turn our eyes to the cross, we are confronted by the thought that if Mary's pregnancy lasted nine months, today is the day she was confronted with the news that would change her life (and ours too.)  

Mary had some questions for the angel.  She wondered, "how can this be?"  Yet in the end she responds with "may it be as you have said, for nothing is impossible with God."  This very woman, though older by the time, knelt at the foot of the cross as that same mysterious child of hers gave His life up by saying, "let not my will, but Yours be done, God."  I am sure that throughout the life of her son Mary had many opportunities to reflect on the mystery of this God-child, yet nothing could prepare her for his death.  

Submission is not something that comes very easily to me.  I am far too stubborn to be told what to do, though many times if I just listened I would save myself a lot of grief.  There's this rebellious spirit in me that often wants to do exactly the opposite of what someone else tells me to do.  I can learn a lot from both Jesus and Mary in this example  can you?  Trusting that God has our best interest in mind can prevent us from letting our stubbornness get in the way of what God has in store for us.  If we really believe that nothing is impossible with God we can trust in those Holy Spirit insights and dreams that sometimes feel pretty lifeless. God brings life into the most barren of places, light into the darkness of doubt.  

So my prayer this evening is that we are open to the voice of God, and that before we can call it crazy we actually take a minute to trust and obey, for nothing is impossible with God.  Thanks be to God.

Sssssshhhhhhhhh.

Then Jesus said, "Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear."

Jesus says this a couple of times in Scripture after he has shared a parable in hopes that the gathered people will not only hear but understand in their souls what he is trying to say.  As we all know there are many levels of interpretation to the things we say.  Sometimes the intentions behind our words are misconstrued and taken the wrong way.  In these days of texting and email it can be even more challenging to decipher the motive behind the print.  There is something quite valuable about taking the time to listen, really listen to someone.

Listening is hard.  It's easy for our brains to jump into "response-mode" where we get concerned about what we should say back and we forget to listen to what is being said.  Many of us want to be fixers of the problems of those we love, so rather than listen we are ready to offer advice to fix everything.  Being a good listener is a gift, speaking to someone who is really engaged and listening is an honor.

I've been a great talker ever since I learned how.  I clearly remember parent-teacher conferences year after year when my parents would come home and let me know that my teachers thought I talked too much.  Eventually I think they just gave up.  Talking too much is problematic sometimes, especially when it gets in the way of listening.  I've always heard that there is a reason God gave us two ears and one mouth - we should listen twice as much as we talk!  How are you at listening?  Do you offer the gift of a listening ear to the ones you love?  How about to the stranger?  And to God?  When is the last time you felt you were truly listened to?

I love that Jesus tries to offer guidance and care for the people by sharing in parables.  I love even more that he ends by saying "if you have ears, hear!"  Rather than getting caught up in the confusion of trying to justify or defend we are simply called to hear, to listen.  When we really listen we are changed by the gift of other's willingness to share a bit of who they are with us.

Who is God calling you to listen to?

Godly Goosebumps.

It's been a while since I had those Holy Spirit goosebumps.  You know the ones that come upon us when we encounter the thin spaces, as a bit of the Divine sneaks up into our reality?  I remember when I was in college and worship was kickin, the gospel choir was steppin, and it didn't matter if we stood on the pews with our hands in the air, if we stayed in our seats, or if we just laughed out loud with the joy at just taking it all in - those goosebumps seemed to come a lot more often back then.  I miss those days.  

The more we are involved in the leadership of the church the more we come to realize that this magical holy place is made up of messy, political people.  Though we stay in love with the church and true to God's movement in our midst I think it's easy to  lose a little bit of that awareness of the Divine in our midst.  Ever get so concerned with the details or with who is/isn't doing this/that that you miss the message?  Ever get so focused on the words being said that you miss the Spirit's connection in prayer?  Maybe you've even found yourself making a to-do list for the week during the pastor's sermon, or in campus ministry that means sending snap-chats and texts while we're talking about grace! :-)

Last night I had the great joy of attending a Third Day concert in GR.  The last time I heard them live was when I was in Georgia.  Some of you may remember that night - our seats were actually behind the stage so we "had" to look at the butts of the guys while they sang.  Thankfully there was a screen in front of us so we could see what was really happening.  Last night I experienced every song with such joy - and I encourage you all to check out their latest album.  I loved the movement of the Spirit in the midst of that place - and in the midst of my own heart.  It was great to have those goosebumps again as I was able to just stand and worship without having to say/do anything.  Thank you Third Day!  (Thank you Holy Spirit!)

Where are the "thin" spaces for you?  How do you take time to intentionally open yourself up to the Divine in the midst of the practical everyday?  When did you last encounter the holy goosebumps?  I realized last night that I really need to cultivate these types of moments to stay in love with God.  How about you?

Mercy

We are heading into the last couple weeks of Lent.  How have you focused on your spiritual life these last few weeks?  Have you given something up or added something meaningful?  When taken seriously Lent can really be a challenging and growing time, leading to that great Easter celebration "Christ the Lord is risen today."

Lent began with these words from Psalm 51:

Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
    and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
    and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
    sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
    you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
    and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Tomorrow I have the joy of preaching with a few of my students.  We are talking about mercy.  This Psalm begins, "Have mercy on me O God."  I has caused me to pause and reflect on how merciful God must really be, and just how unmerciful I can be.  It is in my blood for some people to "get what they deserve" to hold on to a bit of anger rather than learning to really forgive.  Truly showing mercy is a hard thing to do.  Sometimes it is easier to care for a stranger, to engage in acts of mercy on behalf of others in the name of Christ than to be merciful with those who have hurt or disappointed us.  

What role has mercy played in your life?  Is there someone to whom you can show mercy this Lent season?  

Prayer:  Merciful God, help me to understand the depth of your love and mercy.  Help me to offer this same depth of grace to the challenging places and people in my life.  Create in me a clean heart, free from selfishness.  More like you, Jesus.  More like you.  Amen.  

Lean In

Tonight a devotion in song, one of my current favorites.  I listened to this one as I prepared the memorial service for my grandparents.  It made me wonder about the experience of being encountered by the love of Christ as we transition from this life to the next.  It also made me realize how wonderful it is to know we can lean in to the love of God at any moment.  

How does this song speak to you?  

Soccer Mom.

Oh my.  As of today I am actually the owner of a mini-van.  I'm selling my Element and saying goodbye to the silver toaster that has kept me company for the last eight years.  Something about serving in campus ministry and driving a million miles made me realize that having a car that gets so-so gas mileage and can only hold four people is not very smart.  And then I have these super-generous friends who seem to do whatever they can to support me and Wesley.  They offered me Old Blue, the minivan from Lake Ann that has traveled a bazillion miles on youth adventures and crazy mountain bike and skiing trips.  Old Blue it is - a practical decision, a generous gift that will help us do great ministry.  Old Blue is the place where lots of sacred conversations have taken place, where teenagers have discussed difficult things, where laughter and tears have been confronted with love and kindness.  Who knows what we will encounter together!

Transitioning vehicles has taken up way too much space in my brain for the last few months.  Something about it has scared me, I guess because I wasn't exactly sure what I needed to do.  Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm the only person in the world who doesn't get something.  In the midst of feeling stupid I get anxious about whether or not I'm making the smartest decision.  Then the whole thing gets way bigger than it really is.  Today I decided I'd take care of this transition with my insurance folks and the Secretary of State's office.  I have to admit that after about 20 minutes the whole thing was done.  Now all I have to do is sell my car. What a silly thing to get so overwhelmed about!

Does that ever happen to you?  Where something that  you don't know much about gets you scared or feeling foolish?  My experience today reminded me again how hard it is for me to ask for help and to trust that others are gracious and kind in giving it.  It also made me ponder these words from Proverbs 3, that seem to come up at Wesley with some frequency:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge God, and God will make your paths straight."


This is one of those verses that I need to have tattooed on my forehead because I seem to forget it as I try to figure out everything on my own.  What I lose sight of is the call for us to work together as the Body of Christ.  The gifts given to me may be helpful to you, and the gifts you've been given are certainly helpful to others.  Today I was reminded that it is ok not to have everything figured out, that needing to rely on others is a good thing.

How do you trust in the Lord with all your heart?  Do you have trouble asking for/receiving help?  How might God be using others gifts to strengthen your own?

Prayer:  God, sometimes I forget the most simple of things.  I need reminding that trusting in you is more important than coming up with all the answers on my own.  Help me receive the gift of other people, to rely on those in my community, that all of us may come to acknowledge and praise you!  Amen.

Patience Grasshopper.

I am no theology geek, but I must say that the main reason I am a United Methodist is because of our understanding of grace and the fact that how we come to interpret Christ's action in the world is through this quadrilateral of Scripture, reason, tradition, and experience.  This allows us freedom to recognize that God speaks and moves in many different ways, just as we are all unique.  Rather than base our understanding of God on personal experience alone, we filter that experience through our knowledge of the others.  Rather than simply base what we know on the tradition from which we come, we allow our personal experiences to color our understandings of who God is in the world today.  This prevents us from being overly dogmatic and allows our theology and worship to unfold as God continues to reveal God's self in the world.  

So many times in life we are confronted with situations for which we want immediate answers.  Often we find ourselves in relationships that need some help and we aren't sure what steps to take.  I know for many making career decisions can be a painful and scary process if we have to live in the uncertain for too long.  For me, it's easy at this point to take things into my own hands and try to figure out the quickest (often easiest) solution.  It's easy to deal with these things when we think we are in control, when we think we know all the factors and consequences.  It is much harder to reflect on what Scripture, tradition, reason and experience might teach us....and even harder to trust in a God that doesn't "speak" immediately.  

The lectionary Scripture for today comes from John 8:

12 Jesus once again addressed them: “I am the world’s Light. No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in.”

13 The Pharisees objected, “All we have is your word on this. We need more than this to go on.”

14-18 Jesus replied, “You’re right that you only have my word. But you can depend on it being true. I know where I’ve come from and where I go next. You don’t know where I’m from or where I’m headed. You decide according to what you can see and touch. I don’t make judgments like that. But even if I did, my judgment would be true because I wouldn’t make it out of the narrowness of my experience but in the largeness of the One who sent me, the Father. That fulfills the conditions set down in God’s Law: that you can count on the testimony of two witnesses. And that is what you have: You have my word and you have the word of the Father who sent me.”

Jesus is challenging these Pharisees to recognize that they must see outside of their experience and what they've been taught if they want to recognize God.  It is too easy to simply live our lives based on what we can "see and touch" we must do our best to tap into the "largeness" of God, a perspective that just might be much different than our own.  

These days it seems like we take all sides of every issue and rather than embrace the mystery of how God might be at work we divide ourselves into camps.  It is easy to pull one verse of Scripture and tell the world that "God says" or "God believes" and much more difficult to embrace the mystery of God.  It is easier to divide and dislike than to open ourselves to the unfolding knowledge of God's story in the world.  It is more comfortable to make decisions based on our opinions, to make our own plans at the expense of what God-opportunities might come to fruition.

What situations, people, or plans are you trying to control?  I want to be more intentional about grounding myself in this process of reflecting before I rush to say or do.  It will take patience.  Yikes.

In what ways does this Scripture speak to you?  

Hijacked.

This quote from the great JW is one that is paraphrased in many different ways, but the point is always the same - people love passion, people follow enthusiasm, and both passion and enthusiasm can lead to change.  When is the last time you were really filled with passion about something?  I find that it is in these types of moments that we are confronted with who we really are - the deepest parts of ourselves set on fire by a cause, or something much bigger than "I".

When I decided to apply for the campus ministry job at Ferris I really didn't know what I was getting myself into.  Basically I felt that if I was going to keep saying how important it was to support young adults and campus ministry I should put my feet where my mouth was - realizing that there's only so many years that one can really be effective in this type of ministry.  So I trusted the nudging in my spirit and accepted the job.  It's been quite the transition in many ways as I really see myself as more of a pastor, than a director.  I miss so much about serving in the local church, but in the last nine months I have realized how imperative it is that campus ministry be a priority for the UMC at this time.  At least I really feel this is the case for my conference, West Michigan.

Last spring at our annual meeting Wesley Campus Ministries made a huge push for more funding.  Funding for campus ministries had been cut for years (more drastically than nearly all other ministries.)  We asked the conference to agree to support a full-time director position for five college campuses.  It was a heated debate on the floor of annual conference.  It passed as people became aware of the enthusiasm and passion for young adult ministry.  It passed because of the young adults who were present and unafraid as they spoke to the people gathered in the assembly.

Financially speaking the floor of Annual Conference is not the place to change the budget in such a drastic way, especially in light of the great challenges we face financially at this time.  The UMC is dealing with shrinking finances (and a shrinking # of people).  The crunch is real - and it effects our ability to be the UMC as each line of the budget faces the chopping block.

In the last two months I have heard multiple times that the Wesley directors need to be kept away from the microphones at conference, that we sabotaged the assembly, that we hijacked the budget for our own desires.  I wonder what JW would have to say to us.  It seems SO absurd to me that while this great flame is catching fire - while Wesley ministries develop young Christian leaders, offer challenging spiritual growth opportunities, focus young people on the power of missions and connection to the larger church - while all of this amazing growth is happening there is this spirit of competition for funds.  Rather than our leadership jumping on board with this "spark" we are seen as a threat - though what happened last year only occurred because there was no other option for us.  For ten years ministry funds have been cut, and cut again.  It seems the conference has spoken and desires for this ministry to be a priority.  Is this a democracy?  I'm beginning to wonder.

Though I've only been a Wesley Director for nine months I can tell you without a doubt that this is the only really effective young adult ministry I have ever been a part of.  It is only by having our presence in the midst of college life that we are able to see within these students the amazing leadership potential that rises to the surface when given a chance to blossom.  Students are learning about the inner-workings of the church, speaking about the call God has placed on their lives, singing in praise together as a group.  There's nothing quite like a bunch of college students genuinely worshiping God.  There is hope in this.  Hope for the UMC, hope for the future, hope for the Church.
Last week on mission trip I tried to sing the song Pass it On.  You probably know it -

"It only takes a spark to get a fire going,

And soon all those around can warm up in its glowing;

That's how it is with God's Love,

Once you've experienced it,

Your spread the love to everyone

You want to pass it on." 

It's a spark that gets a fire going.  I believe that these campus ministries are the spark that can ignite a passion for the life of our church again - that we can look to this powerful movement of the Spirit as a sign of hope, a sign of God's faithfulness.  Why are we so afraid to trust in this movement?  Why is it so hard for us to trust that God will provide enough if we are faithful to God's movement in our midst.  Could it be that spending money on young adults now might save our church in the future?  Might it lead to a re-prioritizing of all facets of this beloved "budget" that reflects what our church is to be about?

We all have passions and enthusiasm for the things we love.  I admit that my enthusiasm for Wesley has only grown as I have seen the fruit of the extra funds, the extra time spent in relationship with young adults who are in love with Jesus.  Yes there are lots of things to which we can give money and time - but I now recognize that this is one of the most fruitful investments we can make at this time, in this place.

Just a few thoughts I needed to get out of my head before I lose faith in humanity. As one who may serve in this conference for thirty more years I have hope that the future may not be as bleak as the present.  

Sometimes God hijacks our best-laid plans - sometimes people with passion hijack the politically correct process - often it is in these times when we really see what is most important.  

May God set us on fire that others may come from miles to watch us burn.  Amen.  

Greater.

The project was demolition, how hard could it be to knock something down, right?  Well - it was a lot BIGGER than I thought.  If we had any sense we would have just rented some big wrecking ball and knocked it down in seconds.  But we were there to do the work piece by piece - and it was more important than just tearing it up.  

Bruce was a carpenter by trade, but now he's retired.  He grew up on Goose Island in this home.  There were 212 homes on this Island before hurricane Irene, which damaged 200 of them.  Bruce has worked with mission teams ever since, doing his best to help all those in need in the area.  The people on the Island have a deep respect for him, as he serves as a volunteer and is fueled by his deep faith and love for God.  This was the last home that would be demolished, saved because of the many memories Bruce has of his childhood, his parents and siblings.  The entire week became a process of letting go for him, as we too grew to love the home and it's owner.  For Bruce tearing down this home piece by piece was the only proper way to do it - and in it's walls were found old report cards, recipes, and gadgets of old, the foundation made strong by the addition of thousands of oyster shells that had once been dinner during long winter months.  The soul of the home was a wooden beam pieced together by wooden pegs, the strength of which has never failed.  It was to be saved and used in a future project.  I'm pretty sure this beam is the very reason we were slated for this project.

Our team of 28 was strong and worked hard and by Friday the only thing left were the pine stumps upon which the house was built.  It was amazing as I honestly thought it was something that we could not possibly accomplish in only four work days.  

Our theme this year for the trip was "How Great is Our God!"  and I have thought long and hard over the past ten days about just how great God really is - God takes our efforts and provides the strength and perseverance we need.  God showed up in the compassion of neighbors who stopped by, in caring chaperones who loved to laugh and went with the flow.  God is greater than the limitations we place on ourselves and our abilities.  God is greater than the barriers we put up to keep our hearts safe.  God's greatness shown forth in stories of young adults whose lives have been difficult and filled with pain - yet have found a way to grasp onto God's love for them and others.  

1 John 4 says:

4 My dear children, you come from God and belong to God. You have already won a big victory over those false teachers, for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world. 

What a powerful thought to recognize that the Spirit of God living in us is more powerful than anything in the world.  This past week I saw that Spirit come to life as students gave of themselves to care for a love a man who was grieving the loss of his childhood home and all it stood for.  

How have you witnessed this power in your own life?

Prayer:  God tonight I give you thanks for being bigger than I can even begin to imagine.  I thank you that you cannot fit into the limitations of my understanding and ask that you open my mind and heart to know you more.  Help me to grasp onto the Spirit of power alive in me, that I might embrace the call to care for and empower others.  Amen.  

Day One

Tonight marks the beginning of our Wesley House spring break mission trip. I'm pretty sure my devotions are going to be much shorter due to lack of internet and slow thumbs to write with (on my phone).

So for tonight I ask you to pray for us. We are a group of 29, driving to DC tomorrow and then on to North Carolina to serve with the NC disaster relief team. Lots of sledge hammers=lots of prayer. 

Have a great night. 

Heaviness.

A few of my students must feel like this donkey today - the burdens of the world outweighing their strength.  I know we can all relate!  When the worries, the concerns, the questions seem to take us right out of the game.  That's always when I hear these familiar words ring in my ears:

I've always thought about this yoke and how so many people are quick to say, "Give it to God" when trying to encourage someone not to worry.  It's really hard to just "give" something away and I don't really think that's what Jesus intended in this passage.  The yoke isn't just worn by Jesus so he can carry all of our burdens, rather we carry them together.  We aren't just off the hook - but we are reminded that we never face difficulties alone.  I think true rest, true peace can come in knowing that we don't always have to have answers or the right words for every situation - but that good can come even from the darkest, hardest times.

When we are yoked with Christ it's not just about our burdens, it is about the burdens of Christ as well. As we enter into this agreement we also pick up the call to care for our neighbors, to serve and to love.  We are in this together, with Christ.

Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden.  I will give you rest.

May we all find rest and peace in knowing that we are loved by the One who creates, redeems, and sustains.  Amen.