If only you knew...

I started to write a very deep and thought-provoking post on Sunday (please take note of the sarcasm in this sentence).  I'd listened to three different sermons and felt like I had something profound to say about faith and injustice and the way it seems to be playing out in the lives of my students at FSU.  It totally sucked so I erased it.  Here's what I really want to say....

I'm not so special.  

I feel like I must be the most encouraged person on the planet.  This past week my students made this amazing video for me for Christmas.  They spoke of how glad they are that I'm working with them.  It actually left me speechless (which is quite the miracle).  I am encouraged so often with kind words, hugs, people who aren't afraid to share their lives with me.  I've served three different churches, and while not all have been a piece of cake, all have encouraged me to continue this dance of ministry.  I have had wonderful friends in my life (many of whom I miss terribly...especially all of you in OH and GA).  People let me into their families, into the moments of excitement and sorrow.  It's overwhelming to me and I want to let it all sink into my heart - but I live with myself every single moment.


Here's what I know.....
I am the woman with the sweet tooth that never ends, the same woman who wants to lose weight.  The one who longs to be organized, keep her house clean, cook without fear.  I live with myself: this gal who thinks she can accomplish too much in a short amount of time which means I'm always rushing.  I am the daughter who doesn't really know how to be the daughter her parent's need her to be.  I'm the aunt who doesn't see my BEAUTIFUL niece as often as I should.  I'm the mom of a dog who definitely didn't get an A in obedience class.  He eats people food, sleeps in my bed, and knows that even when he's bad he's going to be spoiled.

I'm the pastor who forgets to pray, who served Communion with Christmas cookies and grape kool-aid.  The pastor who sometimes works so hard for God that she forgets to include God in the work.  The one who wants every single human being to know that they are loved by God - yet can't seem to really get that through her own thick skull.

So I hear these encouraging words, share in these amazing relationships, and get overwhelmed by God's work in the midst of the messiest situations.  And so often I can only reply like Elizabeth did when Mary arrived...."Who am I?"

I'm the shmuck that God is redeeming.  I'm the inadequate, dorky, competitive, soul that God is transforming.  Most of all I am blessed beyond what I deserve.  I am grateful beyond description. I am on this journey with all of you, praying that the Kingdom of God will be revealed for all the children of the world (red, yellow, black and white).  I'm still naive enough to believe that we can make a difference.  That one smile, kindness, or honest conversation can start a trend that will change the world in big ways.

You and I are the same - though  different.  We have been implanted with this thing called grace.  It challenges us, embraces us, and opens us to God's amazing presence in our lives and in the world.  We're the same you and me - yearning to know that we matter, struggling to realize that nothing we can do will cause God to love us more or less.

So thank you for your friendship and encouragement.  If you're reading this I imagine our paths have crossed along the way.  I only pray that I can encourage and love all of you the way you have me.  In the midst of so much pain, sorrow and injustice in the world lets do our best to be real - to recognize that we all have a long way to go - and yet we are in this business of being the Light of Christ in the here and now.

You are important my friends.  To me for sure, but most importantly to the One who calls us right where we are to be redeemed, transformed, and real.