Wilderness Moments

Today at about 3:30 I was in my office staring at my computer and realized that I was just plain done.  I had been working on the same page of the same document for an hour and had not really gotten anywhere.  It was getting frustrating, and that only made it harder to get anything done.  Have you been there?  

So, I'm not going to write much tonight, except to ask you if you've hit walls like this during this isolated time.  In my head, it seems like I should be having all sorts of free time....but in reality time is different, but things take so much longer.  I have read about our brains during this time, how we enter into this self-preservation thinking because we are really trying to process the trauma of all this change and fear and unknown.  And I have definitely come to realize that my brain is not working as fast as I'd like it to, and am trying to show myself a lot of grace these days.

I think that we might consider this time wilderness time.  Like the Israelites who set out on a journey to an unknown place, trusting that God's promise of goodness would come to fruition.  They didn't know all the details of the journey, they had to trust the Moses was being led by God.  They complained and groaned...and Moses often turned to God with his own complaints and frustrations.  God's leading presence was visible to them, and Moses made sure of that in Exodus 33:

12 Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ 13 If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.”14 The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” 15 Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. 16 How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”

Moses was adamant that he would not move the people until he knew the direction God desired. God's reply was, "my presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." There is something deeply restful about allowing God to lead, trusting that God goes before us as we navigate this wilderness journey. Today I was reminded of the gift of peace and rest that God offers even when I am frustrated at my own limitations.

In this wilderness time, how can we become more aware of God's leading presence? Are you yearning for the peace and rest that comes with discerning God's movement? Are you offering yourself grace in the difficult moments? I hope so.

Rest well, friends.

Pastor Devon

God > What we Know.

In seminary, the class that often sounded the scariest was systematic theology.  I found this to be the most fascinating class, because it offered me glimpses into how different people throughout history made sense of what God has accomplished and is accomplishing. From the beginning of time humans have tried to make sense of how we came to be, and early church debates and councils tried to determine the ins and outs of all things theological and scriptural.  

We can certainly understand that our Scriptures themselves are comprised of layers of interpretation, and that as we read and seek to understand we too are interpreting through the lenses of our own traditions, reason, and experience (shout out to the Wesleyan Quadrilateral).  For me, understanding Scripture in this way only adds to the mystery and power of it, as we are still being inspired by the Holy Spirit to see it with fresh eyes and perspectives.  

I remember after reading volumes of Karl Barth's systematic theology that he came to the conclusion that this was his best attempt at making sense of it all, but that there was room for error.  By that point, I sort of wanted it all tied up in certainty...and yet he and all theologians realize that there is still much to be discovered about God and God's revelation in creation.  

Many Christians value certainty over mystery.  This insistence on certainty is something I  find myself struggling to figure out.  I don't want a God that I can fully know, I don't want a faith that leads me to a system of rule following with a great prize at the end.  I love the conversations we have during Bible studies where people can wrestle with the process of discernment, pondering and being challenged to listen to God for tough answers.  I love the opportunity to learn from one another's experiences before we define God in a certain way, or to be confronted that my understanding of God may be too much a reflection of me.
  
I think it was in that same systematic theology class where I was taught to ask the  most valuable question:  What if you're wrong?  I think about that often when people ask me what a certain Scripture passage means, or how I interpret what God's doing (or not doing) in a certain situation.  It has also led me to keep another question in mind which is:  Is what I am going to say going to cause harm to someone?  

The Gospel is definitely meant to challenge us, mold us, and define how we live out our faith in Christ.  It is not meant to be used as a weapon, or a tool to shame or scare.  For far too long Christians have scared people into believing in Jesus, leaving them with an understanding that God is this cosmic angry parent looking to discipline at every turn.  When I look through the lens of what Jesus said and did, I recognize that he never brought shame upon anyone.  He held people accountable and compassionately led them to a change in perspective, which in turn taught people a new way of understanding God's presence and activity in the world.   

Isaiah offers a prophetic invitation from God in chapter 55 for all to come, and seek and listen to God and then he says in verses 8-11: 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

 Can we be ok with the fact that we don't know all there is to know? Can we celebrate that we have a God whose thoughts are not our thoughts, and whose ways are not our ways?  I wonder what things you are feeling uncertain about when it comes to faith these days?  I wonder why it is hard for us to have conversations about such things without getting angry or trying to prove we are right at the expense of others.   

I believe that in God there is space for all of us to be figuring it out, and part of knowing God is actually in the listening and caring for people whose understandings and life experiences are much different than our own.  

That's my prayer, friends, that when we look at each other, we catch a glimpse of God.
Pastor Devon 
12 

Too Slow

Today on OnBeing's Instagram a poem was read by Fr. James Martin called The Slow work of God. It was written by a Jesuit Priest named Pierre Teilhard de Chardin who was also a paleontologist and geologist.  His life work really challenged religious thinkers to view their ideas through the lens of evolution, while also calling scientists to dig into the ethical and spiritual implications of their work.  He took part in the discovery of the Peking Man, and devoted his life to studying the intersection of faith and science. 

I believe this poem is actually a part of a letter that he wrote, but honestly don't know much about it.  However, it really spoke to me today when I listened to it being read.  

The Slow Work of God

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through some stages of instability—
and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you;
your ideas mature gradually—let them grow,
let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.

I have been struggling with impatience a bit these days.  It is as though something new is coming at us, but we can't yet see what it looks like.  Have you felt this sense of urgency, for something to give or change, or move forward? As a pastor right now we have entered into those "what's next" conversations.  When can we gather, how many people can be there, what does being safe actually mean, and how do we continue being the church in the meantime?  The questions surround me, but the path forward is unclear.  We must wait.  I also find that this feels a bit like a freight train coming right at me, and my brain is still trying to figure out the next right step for this day, and the next, and the next.  

I have never been good at "accepting the anxiety of feeling myself in suspense and incomplete."  These are hard spaces in which to reside, and yet it is in these spaces, in these times, that we are shaped and forced to trust the movement of God.  As you know if you've been reading these posts, I have also questioned what is next for my life.  How will this unique time offer gifts that change my future?  What are the lasting effects of this on your future?  Will we see the world differently, will we see each other differently?  Will we take better care of creation and our neighbors?  What is it that God is bringing to life in you?  

Listening to this poem today, the phrase that got me over and over was, "Don't try to force them on, as though you could be today what time will make of you tomorrow."  When we want all the answers, when we want things to get back to normal, when we yearn for things to make more sense, or to have a clear path forward....perhaps we are just unable to see the wisdom of tomorrow.  I think God's work is slow because we are often tough to mold.  It is a beautiful sacred connection that our God has with each of us, knowing us intimately, recognizing the hardest parts and the yearnings of our spirits, seeing what could be in our future, and allowing us to sit with the present as it molds and shapes us.  

If we can engage our lives with this perspective we might not be in such a hurry for those next steps, we might just find ourselves enjoying every moment of the slow work of God.  

Thankful to be on this journey with you,
Pastor Devon 

Uncomfortable

On Friday Ahmaud Arbery would have turned 26 years old.  On that day hundreds of thousands of people took to the streets to run 2.23 miles in his honor.  You see, on February 23rd, Ahmaud, a young black man was murdered by two white men while he was out jogging in Brunswick, GA.  Last Tuesday when the video of his murder showed up online, our nation finally noticed that another black man had been murdered for no reason, and with no justice.  People took to the telephones and social media demanding Justice for Ahmaud and finally the GBI got involved and the two men were arrested.  For months, the local DA and law enforcement actually covered up this incident.  

I thought about this all day yesterday as we celebrated Mother's Day.  I thought about what Ahmaud's mother must have gone through losing her son in such a senseless act of racist brutality.  I thought about what it must have been like for her to not only find out that he was gone, but then to have no legal recourse or representation in a corrupt justice system.  I imagine that was like screaming into a black hole, nobody listening, while drowning in the pain of losing your child.  I thought about the moms I know that are raising black children right now, and the fear that must overtake them when they read of yet another incident like this, another innocent young person of color losing his life for no reason.  I grieve that while raising children these days is no easy feat for anyone, for parents with children of color there is this extra layer of teaching that must happen - how to deal with law enforcement, where not to go, how to be aware of your surroundings at all times...and I'm sure the list goes on and on.  

I thought about the sacred moments of ministry I have experienced being present with parents whose child is dying.  The times when I have been present as a young mom is told her baby is not viable, or the hours spent holding someone's hand as they painstakingly await the news of their children's cancer diagnosis.  I thought about the joy in a new mom's eyes as she sees her beautiful baby for the first time, and the elation of grandparents in hospital waiting rooms as they get the good news.  

I thought about the love I have for some of my former Wesley House students.  I hear the pain in their voices as they, African Americans, wonder if they can still jog safely, or if their younger siblings will be the next name on the list of persons killed because of hatred.  

And I realize again, that not saying anything....is actually speaking loudly.  As a white woman I have a privilege that I did not have to earn, it came with my birth in the right family of the right color in the right nation.  As a pastor in a predominantly caucasian community I could really say nothing and get away with it, because pointing out the fact that white privilege and racism are real things that destroy humanity makes everyone pretty uncomfortable.  

Our nation has become a place where hatred is acceptable, even defended in such a way that oppressing certain groups of people goes unnoticed.  Often the Christian community fails to even recognize it and sometimes, with some really horrible scriptural interpretation, Christians actually perpetuate or enhance the divide.  I am so weary of being represented by this voice, and it is often the loudest one in the political and social landscape.  

This pandemic has put a spotlight on the truth that greed and selfishness are the lenses through which many people and systems operate. This spirit of self-gain at the expense of others is really contrary to the Gospel.  

Jesus was pretty clear about this, in Matthew 25:34-46 

 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?  And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.  For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,  I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’  Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ 

Paul is also clear that prejudice and racist motives have no place in Christ in his letter to the Galatians:

As many of you as were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus. And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to the promise.(3:27-29)

Friends, it is easy to gloss over these things that make us uncomfortable. It is easy to turn our eyes elsewhere or just focus on what we need in this moment.  But getting uncomfortable leads to change, it leads to recognition that as Christians our voices should be the loudest for equality and justice.  God is a God of liberation, he always heard the cry of the oppressed (think enslaved Israelites in Exodus) and he leads them out, offering freedom.  Our voices and motives matter too. It is important that we recognize the inherent privilege we have and that we use it to be a voice for the voiceless. After all, saying nothing....really is saying something.   

Pastor Devon