Seeing the ME in THEM.

I have failed miserable at writing lately, as you can tell if you notice that I haven't written since July. I've been making that "I just moved" transition, which has taken me a lot longer than I like.  A new church to serve = a new place to live, new friends (and some old ones too!), new rhythm, and for me a lot of focus on my own understanding of who God is and how God can & is at work in the world.  Spiritually speaking this move has really challenged me to dig into the roots of my calling, to reflect on who I am in Christ.  

Today I decided to write because I need your help.  For those who don't know, the UMC has again made the news.  You can read about it on most of the major news websites - Washington Post, ABC, etc.  Basically a UMC elder (fully-ordained and credentialed pastor) performed a wedding ceremony for his gay son & partner.  Though the debate has raged on for what seems like forever, our current polity does not allow for homosexual person to be ordained, nor does it recognize or allow civil unions/marriage ceremonies between people of the same sex.  

The debate as I see it basically boils down to two groups of pastors:  1)Those who uphold our Book of Discipline, believing that homosexuality is a choice & a sin (Biblically interpreted) and 2) Those of us who believe that persons are born this way and should not be penalized/discriminated against no matter what our "policies" say.  This debate goes far beyond the conservative/liberal, republican/democrat debates that we often have.  This debate seems to have actually moved into a place that divides us with only the mention of a word.  

On Facebook there is a group called UM Clergy - the debate rages on in this group.  Most of the time I ignore the posts - but last night as I was trying to catch up on the day's news with regard to this pastor's trial.  I read the posts - they were all about this pastor and the punishment he is to receive (today I think).  The language in the posts was filled with hatred, ignorance, and blame.  Some think that anyone who "goes against the polity of the church" should have their job and credentials revoked.  "They deserve it because they have broken the covenant to which they committed."

All day long I've thought about this.  While ten years ago I may have thought differently, ministry practice has taught me so much about people and the human condition....and myself.  I'm so far from being Christ-minded most of the time.  When I was ordained I was told to "take thou authority" - and I said yes to the question that I believed I could be perfected in love.  But as each day rolls on I find that I'm certainly less-than-perfect in love.  I'm so often so full of myself & the world that I forget to nurture the image of God that exists in me.  It's kind of ironic that we pastors can get so busy doing God's work that we actually forget to spend time with God.  Unfortunately what I think is happening now is that people are so certain that they are right, that they couldn't imagine God wouldn't agree with them.  Having God agree with "my opinion" gives me the unfortunate confidence to proclaim what "God thinks"  and "what God will do."

While I think that the UMC is of God and one vessel though which the Kingdom of God is brought to earth, I'm pretty sure that the Book of Discipline wasn't God's idea.  I'm pretty sure that it's a guide for those of us who take those ordination vows and go through that long process of being affirmed by our peers for ordination with similar theology and intentions of the UMC.  I'm also pretty sure that it must not be taken as God's literal and infallible word for the church.  Times change, people change...advances are made medically which we don't deny - so why are we having such a hard time believing (what John Wesley certainly knew all along) that God's grace is in everyone, working in and through everyone, and that no matter how imperfect we are or "they" are we must take time to discern God's will and the Spirit's movement.  The Book of Discipline may be our polity but that doesn't mean it's always (forever and ever) going to line up with the will of God for the UMC.  Think about it, I'm a woman pastor..that required some significant change.  

While it seems that this issue is the one that divides us, it is certainly a larger issue.  However, the division and tension only increase as time passes.  I'm SO tired of it.  Rather than utilize the differences to widen the ministry base we are stuck waiting to see...what will happen, who will move first, how can we convince the "other" that we are really correct.  I'm telling you that there will be peace in the Middle East before we all get along, or at least that's what it feels like.

I'm 33, been a pastor since 25 - and potentially could serve until 70.  That's too long to serve a "structure" that doesn't practice what it preaches.  It's too difficult to empower lay people to go and love their neighbor when the hierarchy and pastors of the denomination cannot do the same.  I have given my life to this calling, to this denomination, to trust my superiors and say yes to itinerancy.  I fear I may be the next one who doesn't live a life following all the details of the BOD, it's only a matter of time until someone figures out I'm a sinful human, after all.  What are the options?  Will we have a church split?  How can those of us who are ready commit to the Wesleyan understandings of grace and perfection and move on?  What do we do, friends?  How do we do it?  What does it take for something to give?  

In the meantime our denomination shrinks.  Young people look at us and laugh.  Why would they want to serve/attend a denomination that can't get it together.  We will die because some people want to be right.  And in the meantime I wonder....in the name of God who are we hurting the most.  For this we will all be accountable.  Pretty scary.

Knowing what I don't know

"Then he taught me, and he said to me,

    “Take hold of my words with all your heart;

    keep my commands, and you will live.

5 

Get wisdom, get understanding;

    do not forget my words or turn away from them.

6 

Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;

    love her, and she will watch over you.

7 

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get[a] wisdom.

    Though it cost all you have,[b] get understanding.

8 

Cherish her, and she will exalt you;

    embrace her, and she will honor you.

9 

She will give you a garland to grace your head

    and present you with a glorious crown.”  

Proverbs 4:4-9

Today I'm weary of all the new in my life.  New places, new people, new personalities.  I am good with people, but beginning again in a new place is sort of like selling a good used car.  No matter what is really happening in my soul & mind my exterior is saying "Hi! I'm so happy to meet you!  I can't wait to get to know more about you!"  All of the new is making me doubt what I know.  Not necessarily what I know about the church, but what I know about myself.  It's all those 11pm thoughts that rattle my brain making it hard to sleep that capture my confidence and fill me with doubt.  It's in times like this when I turn to faith and those sacred "touched-by-God" experiences in my life. It's in these transitions that I realize how much I don't know...and rely on the wisdom of God to lend me a hand.

Hearth to Hearth Ministries is another area in which I would ask for your prayers and help.  As you probably have read previously, about 2 1/2 years ago I became the Exec. Director for three orphanages in Africa.  Due to some mismanagement and embezzling of funds the organization was in dire straights back then. I felt it was only the right thing to do for me to take it on, as I love the children and staff people working in Africa so very much.  This week after paying our monthly expenses, our general fund has neared only $10,000.  This means that we only have enough funding to cover one or two months.  The rising costs of food, paying fare wages to the staff, and repairing and rehab-ing structures that were built improperly has nearly shut the ministry down.  

In addition my team here in the US, all volunteers, has faced some struggle as members of our team deal with family and health issues.  I do not know what to do.  I cannot allow 150 children and adults to simply lose that which sustains their lives.  I do not have the skills for fundraising or networking and we do not have funds to pay people who do.  

So, I'm asking all of you to help (at least the few who read this!)  We need your smarts...we need your connections.  Could we come and share about HTHM to your church, small groups, mission committees?  Would you be interested in sponsoring a child ($30/month?)  Could you help me find a larger organization to partner with, in order that we don't lose this ministry that is changing lives?

Lord, I pray you will pour out your wisdom upon us.  Give us insight into your plans for these children, these churches, these families.  Help us to see others as you see them.  Fill us with a love that moves us into action.  Amen.

Ministry is Moving

With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don't hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for him is a waste of time or effort. (1 Corinthians 15:58 MSG)

Stand firm.  This is a phrase I've been repeating in my mind for the last week or so.  Stand firm.  Trust in The Lord.  Don't lose hope.  I have thought a lot about the ministry of Jesus.  It wasn't a long ministry in terms of time, but the impact of the ministry that happened during those three years has changed lives ever since.  It was ministry in the midst of chaos.  Sure, the chaos may have been different but chaos none the less.  

In the last two weeks my life has been turned a bit upside down.  Life as a pastor never ceases to amaze me.  There are those days when you just think working as a Walmart greeter would be such a welcome respite.  Then there are those moments when you know that you stand right in the presence of God.  In between those ordinary days are filled with Sacred moments, great challenges, despair & hope all at the same time.  It's a strange thing serving God in this way, answering a call that comes as a surprise and dedicating your life to serving God with your all.  As an extrovert (like one that might tip the scales) I love the relational part of ministry.  While it certainly isn't always easy, it is what fascinates me most about Creation.  We are all so unique and yet we can all work together, even when we don't agree.  It's this love of people that makes my life really hard when big changes occur.

I'm heading toward the finish line of my eighth year of ministry.  Only five years ago I finished the process of Ordination and fully committed my life to serving the local church.  Along with that, as a true believer in Wesleyan Theology I signed on the dotted line...I agree to be itinerant.  That means, I agree to move as I am needed.  I agree to go and serve where my gifts line up with a local church's needs.  I believe this is a good system...well most of the time.  Itinerancy demands a lot of trust in and respect for those who serve at the higher level of ministry in the UMC.  I have to place my trust in those who meet around the table with our Bishop to determine next steps for churches and pastors.  I have to believe that this process is about more than "filling slots" and that it is grounded in prayer and the movement of the Holy Spirit.  I must "trust the process."  This is really easy to do when you plan to stay at the church you are currently serving.  

Then comes the phone call out of the blue.  "You are going to receive an appointive call in the next 12 hours."  Ugh.  Yikes.  No!  These were my initial reactions last week when I heard those words.  "I'm not ready to leave," I thought.  "I love it here."  

You see, in the last five years a church that housed many burdened souls, people that had been beaten down spiritually, and people who were afraid their church wouldn't make it...flourished.  God has been so active in our lives that I think we have almost taken it for granted.  Huge mortgage payments have been made, ministry has grown on a dime, new faces smile on Sunday as we sing, pray, and laugh together.  God has blessed us...together.  I have had the great joy of being a part of this ministry, the joy of preaching about grace and love to people that really believe God is working in their lives...and that they can go out and make the world a better place in Christ's name.  

The very appointment that pastors dreaded...going to a broken & hurt church...is the appointment that I could stay in forever.  

But I can't...  I'm being called to something new!  My beloved church is also being called to new opportunities!  God demands that we continue on.  We can't just sit back and build bigger barns...there is more in store for all of us.  

So, I am moving!  I will be the pastor at the First UMC of South Haven.  Who'd have thought?  A church only minutes from my family.  A blessing I did not see coming!  A church much like Lake Ann, that is full of people who want to worship and be the hands and feet of Christ.  

So now I enter that weird place of the "in-between."  The dreaded goodbyes and the overwhelming nature of a new place, moving, and starting a new ministry.  But the thing is, though our relationships will be different, we will continue to work together as the Body of Christ.  I am so grateful for my experiences in Lake Ann.  I can only hope that I will have that same amount of fun in South Haven.  

So if you're reading this and you're really sad/mad/disappointed in the fact that things are changing please STAND FIRM.  And if you're reading this and your overjoyed that something new is happening....please STAND FIRM.

Together we will trust in God's good work, guidance, and love as we live each day to the fullest. 

Blessings my friends!

Impossibilities

"All things are possible with God."  The Angel Gabriel said this to Mary, you know, as in the Mother of Christ.  Mary, the one who met the angel on a hillside and was told she was to carry the Son of God was probably 13 or something and her response was to "ponder all these things in her heart."  She reflected, she appears pretty calm, and she said yes.  

That's crazy.  

I think I would have picked an argument with Gabriel.  I know I wouldn't have dealt well with the fact that I'd eventually have to explain that God is the Father of my baby, and that everyone would think I was lying.  No thank you, God.  

Today I had the opportunity to sit with a group of local clergy men and women to discuss some business and to listen to a devotion.  I've been thinking about it most of the day as it dealt with the situation with the BoyScouts and homosexuality (see the previous blog post about this issue).  Things take on a different tone when it's a bunch of pastor hanging out and discussing things.  We don't all agree by any means.  What we did agree on is that as Christians we are called to encourage holy conversation (this is a tenant inherent to Wesleyan theology).  Holy conversation is a rare and sacred thing.  It means that people can sit in the same room, discuss things, sometimes disagree, and still leave respecting each other.  It takes a lot of discipline to listen to someone you genuinely feel is wrong, but allow them the space for their interpretations or opinions.  

One of my clergy friends mentioned that he felt God was encouraging him to "Be Bold."  It is  clear that in being bold he has come under some fire from fellow Christians who are certain that he is wrong.  He has been met with anger and a closed-minded mentality that he couldn't possible be right.  

As I said in an earlier blog, my church has been studying the spiritual component of the 12-Step Program.  Last Sunday we spent time discussing the importance of making amends.  A couple of weeks ago we were challenged to examine our character flaws and to offer them to God for transformation.  I have struggled with this sermon series, because these steps are very difficult and very deep.  Looking in the mirror and asking myself what attitudes and actions I have taken that have harmed myself or others is a wake-up call that in every moment we have the opportunity to spread the "fragrance of Christ."  (2 Cor. 2:15)  If we really take a good look at ourselves there's no way we can look at another person and assume that they are not up to God's standards.  Declaring that someone is beyond God's redemption cannot possible be true when we truly look into our own souls.  If I want to grasp onto what Jesus has done for me, then I must realize that I am no better than any other child of God.  

I mentioned in the discussion in our meeting today that I felt like the voice that shows Christianity as closed-minded, judgmental, and black and white is reigning in our society.  The other pastor's weren't so sure that I was right.  (Can you imagine that!! Ha!) While my terminology may have been lacking I do feel that the small fraction of folks that represent Christianity publicly are missing the mark big-time.  

The world needs to hear the message of Maundy Thursday.  People long to know of the New Commandment of Christ = love one another as I have loved you.  We are so busy holding onto the first ten commandments that we have forgotten the most important thing Christ came to teach us.  Why are we not fighting to display this commandment in our courthouses and schools?  

Won't more people come to know the Living, Loving Christ if we work as hard fulfilling this commandment as we do making sure we point out the errors in our brother's and sister's lives?  The stigma attached to organized religion could be transformed if all of us decided to live by this command, to take seriously Christ's call for us to follow, to share, to love.  

Is this really possible?

I don't want to be selfish.

This picture only shows a few of the million Kenyan's that turned out for the elections on March 4th.  It is amazing to look into this process from my viewpoint.  In my work with Hearth to Hearth Ministries I have grown to love and respect many Kenyans (young and older!) They have anxiously awaited this day with the hopes that it will lead to a prosperous future for Kenya, rather than one ruled by corrupt practices.  Kenya is a fascinating place.  Nairobi is a booming city, fast-moving and professional.  On the way to our Hope Center near Homa Bay we pass through Masai lands, where young children are seen herding goats or cattle. Then in Hope's neighborhood there are markets, grass-roofed huts, few cement structures, schools, and still animals grazing in the fields.  It is an interesting thing to think about when it comes to elections.  Above you see people in line in a room without electricity, voting by the light of the paraffin lamp.  Many of these voters stood outside in the sun for hours in order that they have the opportunity to cast their vote.  

It amazes me the way God has orchestrated my personal involvement with the people of Kenya and Uganda.    What I thought was a few weeks of Sabbath and rest in Kenya quickly turned into a director position working on behalf of orphans in these two countries.  I can only attribute this to God's directing, as I had never really thought of myself as one who would work this closely with any international mission organization.   I have grown to love and respect these people as though they are members of my family and I long to be an effective leader as they work to change their lives and for a stronger future in Kenya!

Today as I made my cup of coffee and hopped on my laptop I got to thinking about my sermon from Sunday.  We are taking the weeks of Lent to deconstruct our spiritual lives as we also spend time focusing on the 12 steps of AA (NA/AlAnon...).  This last Sunday was Step 4:  Create a Fearless and Daring Moral Inventory.  For me this step is one of the most challenging.  It requires us to actually think about our reactions, the walls we have built up around certain parts of ourselves, asking why and how do we live our lives intentionally.  This step does not focus solely on negatives, but also on those areas in which we are healthy.  But it does require that we take the blinders off and really examine the interior of our soul.  

I am overwhelmed by the blessings I have received in my life.  I am grateful for the affirmations of God that have opened doors as I sought to follow God's call into pastoral ministry.  I am grateful for the people that have been placed in my life, those that have affirmed and those that have challenged.  

If there is one thing that I hope I will never be it is selfish.  I do not want to be a person who cares more about myself, one who places myself as priority over others.  Here I am drinking a hot cup of coffee writing a blog post while my loved ones in Kenya are anxiously awaiting results that truly will impact their lives.  Here I  have spent $1 on this cup of coffee while I realize that $1 could feed one of our orphans for an entire day.  

I long to know what the world will be like when we have truly been redeemed by God.  When all will know the Truth and we will not have such questions about war and tragedy.  When we will no longer kill for power, but will have the true understanding that "the last shall be first."  In trying to protect ourselves and our "stuff" we often harm others without even realizing it.  In our busy lives we often get so absorbed that we don't have a clue that people are persecuted, suffering, with no control over their lives.  While we are drinking our coffee it is easy to forget about the child starving down the block.  

In worship on Sunday one of our children said during prayer time, "I pray that people in the world will all be ok."  It was a simple yet heartfelt prayer.  What would it look like for all in the world to be ok, for everyone to have enough.

As I continue to work on my moral inventory I realize that this journey of faith will continue to challenge me to grow, even when it is difficult.  Reflecting on who we are and who we want to be is tough, but I think that's one of the building blocks of discipleship.  

As for me, I have more work to do.  God has more work to do in me.  I just pray that I am open to it!

What do you pray for?  

What Are We So Scared Of?

Lately it seems that everywhere I turn I am being drawn into conversations about "what the church says" about things.  It is easy for me to regurgitate what UMC polity says about things, it is easy for me to just look it up in our Book of Discipline and let folks read it for themselves.  Rarely am I asked what I believe about certain things, and generally I am pretty glad about that.  Stating what I believe and how I have arrived at this understanding is a slippery-slope that I am usually not excited about engaging.  UMC policies and polity direct my actions as a credentialed pastor in the United Methodist Church.  Thus, if I choose to remain within the denomination, I will serve God to the best of my ability within this system.  Aside from this larger structure, pastors serving within the local church also face the dynamics of each specific congregation.  Some churches are focused on specific mission projects with Haiti for example, some are full of professors, some appointments lead to working with college age young adults....these are also systems within which we preach and lead.  On an even smaller level the church is made up of groups of people. Each church seems to come with it's own "understandings" of things, each with its own prejudices, each with it's idea of "who is  in" and "who should be out"  and why.  We even go so far as to determine that "God could not possibly call so and so to the ministry..."  or "I can't believe that person is helping to lead worship."  Our lives are colored with the things we have learned from our elders, from our family systems, and from our own experiences  in the world.  Things that we define as "truth" at one point in our lives may actually be deemed "un-truths" as God presents us with different perspectives and opportunities.  These shifts in our understanding can only occur when we are earnestly seeking to know the heart and mind of God.

The hot-button "issue" thus far in my lifetime continues to be homosexuality.  My heart grieves over the amount of pain and sorrow that rages when this topic is spoken about.  Homosexuality becomes de-personalized and faceless as discussions rage on about "those people," "sin," as fingers are pointed and more and more people play God as decisions are made.  Yesterday a colleague of mine posted on Facebook about the latest debate dealing with homosexuality:  Should the BoyScout program engage young men who believe they are gay?  The governing body of Men's Ministry in the UMC, The United Methodist Men have spoken out in opposition, urging the Boy Scout's to stick with their current policies excluding these specific young men from their fellowship.  It sort of sounds like the UMM are asking for more time, and asking the Boy Scouts not to make any changes until....  Until when?  That is one of my questions.  If we continue to wait until everyone agrees on something and UMC polity actually becomes inclusive the current Boy Scouts may never live to see it!

At a denominational level the ordination of a "practicing" homosexual person is not allowed.  "Incompatible with Christian teachings" are the terms used to exclude this group of people from pastoral leadership in any UMC.  I guess, if you want to be technical about it, if you know you are gay and you don't "practice" that behavior then you are permitted your credentials.  (So basically being gay is ok as long as you don't ever have a romantic, spousal relationship with someone).  At our last General Conference this stance was upheld in the midst of much discussion and passion from both sides of the argument.  (I am not even going to engage this debate here because it's not really something I can do well in a blog post.)

When it comes to the Boy Scouts I am no expert.  I try my best to be as involved as possible with this group at my local church.  I am proud of the young men and grateful for the strong male leadership provided by the adults in the group.  As a Girl Scout drop-out I think I probably would have loved being a Boy Scout had I had the opportunity.  Scouting seems to engage a group of young men that find solace in being outdoors, in learning skills that challenge their mind and character.  

The Boy Scout Oath is:

• Duty to God and country,
• Duty to other people, and
• Duty to self

The Boy Scout Motto is:

Be Prepared!

The Boy Scout Law says:

A Scout is:

• Trustworthy,
• Loyal,
• Helpful,
• Friendly,
• Courteous,
• Kind,
• Obedient,
• Cheerful,
• Thrifty,
• Brave,
• Clean,
• and Reverent.

And my personal favorite, the Boy Scout slogan is: Do a Good Turn Daily!

This program teaches boys and young men some very excellent skills while also building character traits that can only help the world in which we live.  I have seen young men excel at leadership in the Scouting program, where they have not had that opportunity in school. I have learned much from the young men in our troop as they teach me things about safety and the outdoors, what it means to be helpful and put others before ourselves.  The young men in our troop are some of the most dedicated in our youth program and are very involved in worship and leadership in our church.  

I have no idea why we would want to exclude anyone from this opportunity, least of all someone who already feels "different" due to their sexuality.  I have no idea why a young man who believes he is gay should be set aside from the teachings that have changed the lives of so many of the young men that I know.  This doesn't make sense to me.  It is not a matter of glorifying anything or anyone, it is about a young person's opportunity to be taught healthy principles for living.  

In the midst of all these discussions I keep wondering, "What if the "rules" changed?"  What are we so afraid of?  Honestly, if we allowed all young men and boys to participate in Scouting do we think that somehow everyone of them will become a homosexual?  And as far as ordination, should homosexuality not be an issue, do we really think that all sort of "gay" people will come running to be ordained in the UMC?  Trust, me when I tell you that ordination is not an easy process and I don't think it is one anyone would embark on lest they truly felt called by God, not to mention the other affirmations that must come from the people with whom they fellowship and other church leaders.  This isn't like applying for a job, it is a life-calling placed upon us by God's stirring in our lives.  

I am a single woman in her early thirties.  When I arrived at the church I serve I was asked if I was a lesbian.  It seemed that because I was single I must be! (Not to mention pretty tall, athletic, and in my black "new appointment" suit.  And, I do drive a Honda Element....)  I was happy to explain that I happen to be eternally single and that I'm pretty open to meeting someone to marry when the time is right.  My first interview with this church and I immediately knew that this was one of those "fears" that held this church captive.  I had never been confronted with this particular issue, nor have I been asked about it as much in my entire life.  

As a teenager I spent weekends and summers working for a gay man in Saugatuck, MI.  He treated me like gold and I respect him and love him for who he is.  His sexuality never really entered my mind as an issue.  He taught me so much about working hard and treating all people the way I would want my mother to be treated.  God blessed me with this relationship.  

I have always believed that God is a God of relationships (3 in 1, after all).  That God desires us to be in relationship with Him and with others.  God has given us a gift in allowing us the emotions and opportunities to fall in love and be intimate with another person.  Asking someone to abstain from giving and receiving that kind of love seems like a sin to me.  Telling a young person who is in the throws of adolescent awkwardness that he can't join the Boy Scouts seems pretty sin-like too.

I love so many parts of what we do as The United Methodist Church.  I believe that our theology is right-on and conveys the deep well of grace from which our world needs to drink.  What would happen if we focused more on sharing the love of Christ than we do on who is right and who is wrong.  We are distracted, we are paralyzed, and we're running out of time.  

For this my heart grieves.   

This week began with an interesting discussion about anger.  I lead a Monday morning study and it is a really wonderful group of folks.  There are a few regulars and some that come as they can, so you never really know who might show up.  God is always present though, and there is usually time for laughter and catching up (yes, we often "chase rabbits.")  We've been studying Matthew and had completed the Beatitudes the previous week.  We ran through the section about being salt and light, and into Jesus discussion about why He had come (to fulfill the Law, not to abolish it).  [If you are already wondering what the heck I'm talking about this all happens in Matthew 5]  The first mini-section is titled "Murder" and lent itself to a discussion on anger and the role it plays in our lives.  Let me tell you that this was something for which there was much to discuss!  It was a lively discussion, to say the least and we didn't get any further than those few verses.

I am no Bible scholar and in all seriousness should spend a lot more time studying and brushing up on my knowledge of it's context, and so forth.  I commend folks who have spent their entire lives studying one passage or one term.  I'm still just praying that God will reveal something new to me (and the group) as we discern together what is happening in the text.  It's pretty fascinating actually, when a passage that I assume will go through our minds quickly actually holds us up.  It is amazing how we have that immediate reaction to things and how those reactions are colored by our unique experiences.  For us, on Monday, we all seemed to recognize that something like anger can really wrap it's tentacles around our minds and hearts and prevent us from seeing things clearly.  

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  This Beatitude keeps sticking out in my mind.  Matthew wanted the early believers to keep perspective that what was happening in the immediate was not what was promised in the Eternal Future.  Blessed are those who mourn....blessed are those who not only mourn the death of loved ones, but those who actually mourn the things that aren't fair or just.  "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled."  How do we hunger and thirst for righteousness?   How do we long for peace in the world, for an end to diseases like cancer and HIV!  How  we do anger for things that we cannot control, for relationships that seem impossible to mend, for ideas to change the world.    I think God can use our anger if only it is focused on the right things.  We often have to do the hard work of being the "bigger person" and just offering forgiveness and moving on.  Often situations for which we have no control can challenge our very sense of self.  But in all of these situations we are being challenged to be more like Christ and less like our "selves."  

In my Family Systems Theory classes we are asked each time we meet, "When have you been most yourself, and when have you not been yourself?"  In ministry it is often challenging to bring our full-selves and yet maintain our call to share the grace and mercy of Christ.  [Yes, we are people...that makes this hard sometimes :-)]   It can be difficult to maintain who I am in the midst of who I need to be to serve as a pastor.  I haven't yet mastered this dichotomy but continue to seek God's wisdom in the  unfolding of God's call on my life.  God wants who we are, that's enough for God.  We need not put on any masks or be more like so-and-so.  God simply wants us to be open and by doing so we often become less of "self."   What Jesus points out in the Beatitudes is that we are truly our God-Created-selves when we are living for others, for the Kingdom of God, for redemption.  

³ 

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,

    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

⁴ 

Blessed are those who mourn,

    for they will be comforted.

⁵ 

Blessed are the meek,

    for they will inherit the earth.

⁶ 

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

    for they will be filled.

⁷ 

Blessed are the merciful,

    for they will be shown mercy.

⁸ 

Blessed are the pure in heart,

    for they will see God.

⁹ 

Blessed are the peacemakers,

    for they will be called children of God.

¹⁰ 

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Today I ponder...how am I becoming more of the self God sees?  How about you?

Passion & Pain

There is a character in the book, "The Secret Life of Bees," that I have always loved. Her name is May and she is portrayed as someone that is a little different than the rest of her family.  The main thing that I love about her is that she really feels what other folks are going through.  She is more than empathetic, even to the extreme of being unable to handle the sorrow of the world.  It's too big for her.  She loves deeply and weeps deeply.  

(On a side note: If you haven't read this book, you should at least rent the video...it's wonderful.)  
Sometimes I feel like May, though she is much more genuine and loving than I.  Things that seem so clear to me as good, right, and just are met with such resistance from people who think differently.  This is life, I know, but it often causes me to question if I am using my life in the best way to bring about the kind of change in the world that only God's love and grace can cause.  Recently we had a leadership retreat and we discussed whether or not we truly believe that the church continues to be God's vehicle for the redemption of the world.  We all agreed that we DO believe it and we want to BE it.  This is harder than it sounds because the church is made up of people.  We all cherish the love and power of the community, but we also love to be "right."  

Sometimes what we love can cause us the most pain, can't it.  I'm sure anybody who has children will understand that right away.  I've been thinking about my Lent journey these last few days.  I really need to be more disciplined about some things in my life.  I have gotten off track with some things.  In some ways, though I feel like I'm more "at home" in my calling than I've ever been before.  I have learned in the past few years to worry much less about pleasing other people and caring more about following the Holy Spirit's nudging.  This last few months has helped me realize that I need to spend more time investing in the lives of my family members, especially when they may not be long for this world.  I continue to ponder "balance" and  exactly what that means for me.  Because I love the Church and have embraced God's call to serve the local church, I want to do it in a way that leaves a positive impact on the world.  I guess that every single pastor would say the same thing!  It is our passion to serve a church that actually DOES help bring the world to redemption that makes us work so hard.  It is that same love and passion that makes us want everyone to attend "our" church or stick with "us."  But, just like people, God has allowed a variety of different theologies, worship styles, missions, classes....etc.  All of these can be seen as dividers, yet could also work to embrace and bring about redemption to the masses.  

I have told my congregation many times that I think they truly are a "mission" church.  The many waves of people attending and leaving have caused a lot of pain and confusion...and yet we have helped to grow lots of other churches in the community.  Can we really see it like that?  Can we be grateful that even when someone chooses to "move on" that they are truly searching for the church-home where God can speak most clearly to them?  Can I get rid of "me" and be filled with Christ enough to stand strong in the call to lead and shepherd those whom God has placed where I serve?  Have I become too saturated in culture wanting more and more... rather than transformation of my life and others at God's pace?  

My goal this Lent is to eat less chocolate...but more importantly to focus on the way God is bringing things together, placing before me and you many opportunities to be the church.  I want to focus less on that which divides, less on the political "you're wrong and I'm right."  I want to laugh with my brothers and sisters in Christ, cry with them, share and grow together as we look again at the power of the cross in our lives.  

When I think about what Jesus left behind I realize that he was so passionate about doing the work of healing and redemption that he encountered the same sort of pain that we all do.  Like May, he must have sensed the overwhelming burden of sin and struggle present in the people to whom he ministered.  He must have used those times in prayer, times when he went off by himself to pray, in order to fill up again on the strength of the Divine.  When we are passionate about something we experience the most Sacred amazing moments.  We also encounter those times when we realize that the world has a long way to go.  Along with passion comes pain, and that is why we too must take time to reflect, recharge, and be renewed in God's grace, love, and call for us.  This is what taking Lent seriously is about me for.  

So today I am truly grateful for the many opportunities to encounter God's redemption at work.  I am humbled by those sacred moments spent in the presence of God as lives are challenged and changed.  I am thankful that "my church" isn't the only one (though it is pretty awesome :-) and that God isn't done with us yet.  

May the Church continue to be God's vessel of redemption and transformation for a world in need.  

Bear all Things....

It's been a while since I sat down and wrote something, but I have certainly been thinking about it for a few days.  I'm in the middle of preaching a sermon series about Song of Songs and it's taken me a lot longer to prepare for than I expected it would.  Turns out reading and discussing love and intimacy with an entire congregation can be pretty challenging!  It's been fun though, too and I am always amazed at how God speaks through the text and the time we have in worship together.  I am so grateful for the movement of the Holy Spirit!

In the midst of all this reading about love I have really been thinking about my own life and my hope to one day find someone to spend the rest of my life with.  I find that I can easily get excited at the thought of dating and meeting someone, but at the same time it really scares me.  As a pastor I wonder who would be interested in living this life with me?  It would mean drastic changes in time-management and some changes in the care of my congregation.  I can see the benefit in marrying as a young person and moving through life and all its changes with someone who has pledged to love you unconditionally.  I think my brain has prevented me from settling in that way, as I have an earnest desire to be as available to do God's work as possible.  For a long time now I have been certain that being single is the way it should be, in order for me to fully answer my call in the best way I know how.  I realize at the same time however, that when (and if) I do meet that certain someone that our lives can actually mesh into something beyond my limited understanding at this point.

I was reading a quick devotion the other day and it focused on 1 Corinthians 13.  The part that really caught my attention was that phrase "bears all things."  I think this is often where I go wrong in my relationships with others, and even in relation to God probably.  What does a love that bears all things really look like?  In our culture where divorce is the easy way out of a challenging relationship and where individual needs/wants rule it is something to ponder.  A love that "bears all things" doesn't get distracted by the little frustrations of our close friends/spouses/relatives.  Maybe "bearing all things" means that we just chalk these things up to someone's uniqueness.  Imagine what God can teach us about ourselves as we learn to love someone with a love that truly does "bear all things."  That's what God's love is like for each of us, because Lord knows that we must do things that really make God question if this creation idea was such a good one.

If you haven't done it already, take a few minutes to read through Song of Songs.  It is such a beautifully written poem that expresses one's love for another, yet it also exemplifies just how crazy being in a relationship can make us (notice the woman running through the night to find her lover....)  We are people meant to be in connection with one another. We are most blessed by those friendships/relationships that strengthen/challenge/ and build us up to be people that can share this bear-all-things kind of love.  

I'm going to work on this (with God's help, of course.)

Phew.

I am anxious today.  Not just the usual anxious that I carry in my bones everyday.  Anxiety can be one of my greatest assets, but today it's just making me pretty nuts.  Ever struggle with anxiety?  It reminds me of that slippery serpent in the Garden of Eden as it can overtake me before I even know it exists.  It begins in the wee hours of the morning when I begin to think of all that the day will entail, then it transforms the many tasks and ideas into a mess of fear and leaves me catching my breath.  I hate it.  Anxiety makes no sense, really....but no matter how I try to talk myself out of it it tends to hang around for a while.  For me, it is often the hidden part of my life that no one imagines is there.  It can rob me of the joy of serving Christ by filling my head with all that is left undone:  people who are needing a visit, letters to be written, calendars to be copied, sermons that aren't quite finished, youth group lessons, books to read, leadership skills to learn, family to check in on, and on..and on...

Reality check time.   Deep breath.   Gentle reminder:  Nothing I do will cause God to love me more, nothing I don't do will cause God to love me less.  Phew.  Re-focus.  Press on.

The irony of today is evident in the sermon I am pondering for our Saturday night service.  I've been reading the conversion stories of Wesley, Luther, and Augustine again recently.  Their struggle to KNOW without doubt that they have pleased God and received the blessing of salvation kept them awake long nights and led them to "work" zealously for God.  The very thing they longed to know in their bones, is that which they encouraged others to grasp:  grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love.....all through faith alone.  

It's too much for us in this world where everything has to fulfill it's purpose or can be replaced.  It's too much to struggle and dig deeper when most of what we want comes at the click of the computer mouse.  This reality effects culture in such drastic ways, even determining the success or failure of relationships.  If Luther hadn't struggled he may never have experienced the utter relief and joy at finally KNOWING the Lord.  If Wesley had given up on the quest for the fire of the Spirit the common people may never have known the deep acceptance of God's grace.  

The level of need in the world overwhelms me.  People unwilling to do the hard work to make thing better for themselves makes me sad.  Help exists, but it means we have to do difficult things.  Children suffering the consequences of their parent's choices makes me weep.  In the midst we stand as a the Body of Christ, just reaching our arms out as far as they can stretch, praying that we can catch those who fall, crushed by the weight of failure, desires, accidents, illness...not just to slip them a few bucks or a bag of groceries and send them on their way but to confront them with the only love that will never disappoint, hold a grudge, or turn on them.  

We've got to make this love real.  We've got to find avenues to open up flashes of unmerited grace in people's lives.  We've got to keep our eyes on the big picture.

Phew.   God's still in charge.  I just needed the reminder that I'M not.  

Hope for the Hopeless

I have struggled all day with what to write for our January newsletter at church.  This seems to be the area of ministry that can really trip me up, though I tell myself that it doesn't need to be a big deal.  I know it is January and I should probably be writing about all the amazing miracles that have occured in ministry during the last twelve months, or at least about the provision that God will provide for 2013.  However, all day I have been plagued by this sense that there is more to do, more people to reach, and new ways to reach them.  Below is my newsletter article.  If you receive the newsletter you'll get a repeat tomorrow, sorry!  I am interested in your thoughts on this topic and the potential influence the church could/should have.

JANUARY 2013

I’m sure many of you have read the recent newspaper articles about the young soldier, Eric Harm who took his own life at the end of December.  Many members of the Harm family live in our community and I am sure that some of you must know them personally.  This has certainly filled the Harm family with great sorrow and grief as they do their best to begin 2013 with some sort of hope.  Suicide is such as difficult and tragic outcome and only causes everyone close to the victim to question what they might have done to prevent it.  So often during these times I am questioned about God’s opinion on the subject.  Many people have been taught by the church that suicide is deal-breaker with God.  This is not something I have read in Scripture, though I do have high regard for the value of life. 

I have found in my limited experience that things like this happen only when someone’s mental state has been altered.  If capable of thinking clearly, I don’t know that anyone would really want to end their life.  In this instance, Eric was struggling beyond anyone’s understanding with his experiences as a soldier in Afghanistan.    What those experiences were that tortured his spirit we will never know,  but I believe that our loving God has wrapped Eric’s broken soul with His great love.  After all, as it says in Romans, “nothing can separate us from the love of God in Jesus Christ.”  My prayer is that just as Eric was overtaken with the love of God, freed from the pain and fear that plagued him, his family might also be as we (their community) do our best to support them through this tragic time in their lives. 

As the daughter of a Vietnam Veteran who is ultimately proud of his service as a Green Beret, I know personally the effects that military service can have on a soldier’s life.  Though they may come back home to family and friends, after fighting in a war life is rarely able to go back to being the same.  As wars end and transitions are made the number of service men and women facing this type of transition is astounding.  Many soldiers come home and are unable to find work, thousands are homeless.   Those who faced combat are often plagued by flash-backs and diagnosed with Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder.  At last count, the number of Veterans in the United States totals about 22 million people.  Currently 680,000 of these folks are living in Michigan.   The number of soldier-suicides is at an all-time high.  That tells me that as a congregation, and as children of God, we must be equipped to welcome in the Veterans in our midst, more importantly to reach those who have not yet stepped into our fellowship. 

The family of Eric Harm wants nothing more than to help prevent this from ever happening again.  Shouldn’t this be the goal of our church as well?  How can we reach out to this population of people to show our support and offer help and guidance?  We can no longer expect folks to come to us, we must reach out to them.  It is not about preaching salvation as much as it is about coming alongside those who are hurting, broken, and afraid. 

I am sure you have done some reflecting as the New Year approached.  Is God calling you to something new?  Is God calling you to step out of your comfort zone?  Today as I was reading through some emails, I received one from the UMC’s latest campaign:  ReThink Church.  They have created a program to challenge local churches to connect with those who have served our country.  There are many different suggestions as to how this might come to be, but I would like to hear your ideas.  I know that many of you are passionate about caring for and praying for our military.  For me, this means that God is clearly challenging my spirit with our ability to serve those men and women who have yet to step inside our church building.  One suicide is one too many. 

If you’re interested, I’d like to have some conversation (not debate) around this topic on Thursday, January 17^th at 7pm in our fellowship hall.  Perhaps God is calling us to a new ministry.  If this is not where God has called you I ask that you join in prayer as a community for the family of Eric Harm and the many other soldiers like him.  Together let us discern how the Prince of Peace can come to life through our words and actions.  Thank you to those of you who have served in the military, your sacrifices are not taken for granted. 

May God continue to challenge us as we strive to be His people in 2013! 

Pastor Devon