Phew.

I am anxious today.  Not just the usual anxious that I carry in my bones everyday.  Anxiety can be one of my greatest assets, but today it's just making me pretty nuts.  Ever struggle with anxiety?  It reminds me of that slippery serpent in the Garden of Eden as it can overtake me before I even know it exists.  It begins in the wee hours of the morning when I begin to think of all that the day will entail, then it transforms the many tasks and ideas into a mess of fear and leaves me catching my breath.  I hate it.  Anxiety makes no sense, really....but no matter how I try to talk myself out of it it tends to hang around for a while.  For me, it is often the hidden part of my life that no one imagines is there.  It can rob me of the joy of serving Christ by filling my head with all that is left undone:  people who are needing a visit, letters to be written, calendars to be copied, sermons that aren't quite finished, youth group lessons, books to read, leadership skills to learn, family to check in on, and on..and on...

Reality check time.   Deep breath.   Gentle reminder:  Nothing I do will cause God to love me more, nothing I don't do will cause God to love me less.  Phew.  Re-focus.  Press on.

The irony of today is evident in the sermon I am pondering for our Saturday night service.  I've been reading the conversion stories of Wesley, Luther, and Augustine again recently.  Their struggle to KNOW without doubt that they have pleased God and received the blessing of salvation kept them awake long nights and led them to "work" zealously for God.  The very thing they longed to know in their bones, is that which they encouraged others to grasp:  grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love.....all through faith alone.  

It's too much for us in this world where everything has to fulfill it's purpose or can be replaced.  It's too much to struggle and dig deeper when most of what we want comes at the click of the computer mouse.  This reality effects culture in such drastic ways, even determining the success or failure of relationships.  If Luther hadn't struggled he may never have experienced the utter relief and joy at finally KNOWING the Lord.  If Wesley had given up on the quest for the fire of the Spirit the common people may never have known the deep acceptance of God's grace.  

The level of need in the world overwhelms me.  People unwilling to do the hard work to make thing better for themselves makes me sad.  Help exists, but it means we have to do difficult things.  Children suffering the consequences of their parent's choices makes me weep.  In the midst we stand as a the Body of Christ, just reaching our arms out as far as they can stretch, praying that we can catch those who fall, crushed by the weight of failure, desires, accidents, illness...not just to slip them a few bucks or a bag of groceries and send them on their way but to confront them with the only love that will never disappoint, hold a grudge, or turn on them.  

We've got to make this love real.  We've got to find avenues to open up flashes of unmerited grace in people's lives.  We've got to keep our eyes on the big picture.

Phew.   God's still in charge.  I just needed the reminder that I'M not.  

Hope for the Hopeless

I have struggled all day with what to write for our January newsletter at church.  This seems to be the area of ministry that can really trip me up, though I tell myself that it doesn't need to be a big deal.  I know it is January and I should probably be writing about all the amazing miracles that have occured in ministry during the last twelve months, or at least about the provision that God will provide for 2013.  However, all day I have been plagued by this sense that there is more to do, more people to reach, and new ways to reach them.  Below is my newsletter article.  If you receive the newsletter you'll get a repeat tomorrow, sorry!  I am interested in your thoughts on this topic and the potential influence the church could/should have.

JANUARY 2013

I’m sure many of you have read the recent newspaper articles about the young soldier, Eric Harm who took his own life at the end of December.  Many members of the Harm family live in our community and I am sure that some of you must know them personally.  This has certainly filled the Harm family with great sorrow and grief as they do their best to begin 2013 with some sort of hope.  Suicide is such as difficult and tragic outcome and only causes everyone close to the victim to question what they might have done to prevent it.  So often during these times I am questioned about God’s opinion on the subject.  Many people have been taught by the church that suicide is deal-breaker with God.  This is not something I have read in Scripture, though I do have high regard for the value of life. 

I have found in my limited experience that things like this happen only when someone’s mental state has been altered.  If capable of thinking clearly, I don’t know that anyone would really want to end their life.  In this instance, Eric was struggling beyond anyone’s understanding with his experiences as a soldier in Afghanistan.    What those experiences were that tortured his spirit we will never know,  but I believe that our loving God has wrapped Eric’s broken soul with His great love.  After all, as it says in Romans, “nothing can separate us from the love of God in Jesus Christ.”  My prayer is that just as Eric was overtaken with the love of God, freed from the pain and fear that plagued him, his family might also be as we (their community) do our best to support them through this tragic time in their lives. 

As the daughter of a Vietnam Veteran who is ultimately proud of his service as a Green Beret, I know personally the effects that military service can have on a soldier’s life.  Though they may come back home to family and friends, after fighting in a war life is rarely able to go back to being the same.  As wars end and transitions are made the number of service men and women facing this type of transition is astounding.  Many soldiers come home and are unable to find work, thousands are homeless.   Those who faced combat are often plagued by flash-backs and diagnosed with Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder.  At last count, the number of Veterans in the United States totals about 22 million people.  Currently 680,000 of these folks are living in Michigan.   The number of soldier-suicides is at an all-time high.  That tells me that as a congregation, and as children of God, we must be equipped to welcome in the Veterans in our midst, more importantly to reach those who have not yet stepped into our fellowship. 

The family of Eric Harm wants nothing more than to help prevent this from ever happening again.  Shouldn’t this be the goal of our church as well?  How can we reach out to this population of people to show our support and offer help and guidance?  We can no longer expect folks to come to us, we must reach out to them.  It is not about preaching salvation as much as it is about coming alongside those who are hurting, broken, and afraid. 

I am sure you have done some reflecting as the New Year approached.  Is God calling you to something new?  Is God calling you to step out of your comfort zone?  Today as I was reading through some emails, I received one from the UMC’s latest campaign:  ReThink Church.  They have created a program to challenge local churches to connect with those who have served our country.  There are many different suggestions as to how this might come to be, but I would like to hear your ideas.  I know that many of you are passionate about caring for and praying for our military.  For me, this means that God is clearly challenging my spirit with our ability to serve those men and women who have yet to step inside our church building.  One suicide is one too many. 

If you’re interested, I’d like to have some conversation (not debate) around this topic on Thursday, January 17^th at 7pm in our fellowship hall.  Perhaps God is calling us to a new ministry.  If this is not where God has called you I ask that you join in prayer as a community for the family of Eric Harm and the many other soldiers like him.  Together let us discern how the Prince of Peace can come to life through our words and actions.  Thank you to those of you who have served in the military, your sacrifices are not taken for granted. 

May God continue to challenge us as we strive to be His people in 2013! 

Pastor Devon

Jesus Wept

          Merry Christmas a day late. I continue to celebrate today as I spend time with my family, again in a hospital room. My grandpa (AKA GP) has received a miracle during this holiday season. He may not feel that way as he lays very still recovering from a procedure that he had this morning. He has a terrible wound on the back of his heel that has been being treated for months. Finally my mom and her sisters took him to a new doctor because it wasn't healing. That doctor sent him to another doctor who sent him to Dr. Mustapha, a vascular surgeon. He explained after only looking at this wound that my grandpa had no circulation from his hip down and that he had two options: lose his leg or have surgery. He is an amazing doctor who has taken the time (staying late even on a Friday night with his team) to open up the veins and blood vessels in his leg. As of this afternoon (procedure #2) he has 100% blood flow to the infected area in his heel which will finally allow it to heal! This is a miracle and we are all grateful for a doctor who saved my grandpa's leg (and probably life). 

       Have you already moved on? This morning as I drove I heard folks talking about the New Year and resolutions for 2013. I'm not ready to let go of Christmas that fast. Despite amazing worship celebrations each week as we lit another candle on the Advent wreath at church there has been so much going on that I didn't even put up one decoration at my house. But Each Sunday I found an opportunity to be grounded in the hope,peace, love, and joy of the promised Christ. It is in these moments spending time with youth and children, singing Christmas carols, wrapping packages for folks at the mall, praying and recognizing the amazing power of "God with us" that my heart has been prepared for the birth of Christ. 

     Following the stirring movement of God in worship on Christmas Eve And the official "ringing" in of Christmas with the church bell at midnight I found myself in that strange space of returning to my home to gather up packages that needed wrapping for the next day's family gatherings. As I have grown into my role as pastor and found more confidence in my call, I recognize God's presence in the ability to finish well. Seasons like Advent and Lent can really be transformation in my life and the lives of those I serve, though once they are "over" and I find myself in a house all alone my emotions can really get the best of me. I went to some friends' house to stay that night because it's important to wake up with people around on Christmas Day! 

         These tears that overcame me seemed to show back up as I prepared to drive to see my family on Christmas morning. I spent some Sacred moments with God as I drove, listening to choirs sing on the radio. I found myself reflecting on the wonderful Christmases of my childhood when Santa brought dolls and scooters. The days when my family all gathered in the same household joined by grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. I have such fond memories of playing games, eating too much, and excitement over giving and receiving presents. I wept as I thought of the past and of the future, wondering if this is the last Christmas with my grandparents. I thought about the many people who have made Christmas so special: the grandfathers and mothers from my home church, the youth and children that have been so special to my life, the many wonderful people of Traverse Bay and Lake Ann UMC's. I am so blessed and truly humbled by God's work in my life. I don't deserve all that God has done and continues to do. It is too big to grasp. It made me weep as again I considered the birth of Jesus and how this Holy Child has changed my life. I am grateful for the loving people that helped me know Jesus, from the Sunday school teachers, pastors, my college chaplain, colleagues and friends. Those who have loved me unconditionally and challenged me to be the best I can be. I pray that everyone has people like this in their lives at least for a time.
        Jesus wept too. He wept with Mary and Martha as they grieved the loss of their brother. They wept together though they knew that The glory of God could overcome their darkness. This is the promise of Christ, the light that overcomes the darkness of our time. Our nation has wept over the unnecessary loss of lives. We weep over the children who have died, over military men and women who are killed while they attempt to stop evil, over the tragedy of natural disasters. We weep when those we love die, when burdens overwhelm us. We weep when words no longer exist to explain the way we feel. In our weeping we long for the glory of God to be revealed again and again. We long for the Prince of Peace to come and change the way things are. We want the Messiah to return and redeem this work in which we live. If we get it, really get it, we weep with joy at the promise of the Christ in our midst. 

      So just for a little while I want to hold Jesus in my arms. Like my beautiful niece who squeals with excitement I want to keep Jesus close to my heart as I breathe Him in. I want to let Him be a child full of hope that the world will embrace Him. And I want to be there when Redemption comes to see the fullness of the promise of Christ. 

 I am grateful that this Christmas I wept, as again I give thanks for God's immeasurable blessings.

The Life-Light

I have to catch up a little today, but it appears I will have plenty of time. I am sitting at the Holland Hospital waiting as my dad has surgery. I find it interesting that while I do this kind of thing all the time as a pastor, it is much different to be here as the daughter. My family has been really interesting lately, and because I live about three hours away I am rarely in the thick of the goings-on. This has its benefits sometimes, but lately I have wished I could be a little bit closer. I realize that my God-given gifts do not include anything having to do with nursing, cleaning, cooking, or any other role that deals with human-bodily-functions. This leaves me a little nervous about the upcoming days with my Dad. It sounds like I am going to be helping with care of an incision and making sure my Dad doesn't starve. Don't worry, I will call for help without hesitation! He WILL survive. Actually it goes much deeper than my abilities. My Dad and I have not always had the best relationship. He has his own struggles with PTSD and alcohol. I have come to understand him so much better as I have grown up and read about his time as a Green Beret in Vietnam. I am proud of him now, though I can easily switch back to that little girl who was pretty angry with her Dad. I know that he has done the best he could and he certainly has always provided for us. So now I get to serve him as he heals, this may be an interesting few days. I am already missing my "family" in Lake Ann. Exciting things are happening in our community these days. I don't want to miss the wonderful celebration on Thursday as families come to receive gifts that have been donated for their children. It's a blessing to be able to give someone a box filled with enough food for a real Christmas feast! These are selfish things, I suppose, though I truly am overflowing with "healthy" pride about the things happening at LAUMC. The best part is that it really doesn't have anything much to do with me. It's all about God giving people passion and linking those passions and gifts with opportunities to serve. Jan, the woman who oversees the food pantry does such an amazing job. She is not only organized, but she's been able to empower some of the other people in the church to connect with organizations that provide food. She knows each family and treats anyone who enters like they are blessing her day. It's awesome. I found myself tearing up many times on Sunday as I recognized this great movement of the Spirit. I have read so many of my friend's reflections about the shooting in Connecticut and it seems they too have felt God's movement in the aftermath of this tragedy. Thinking about families greiving the loss of their young children leaves me with no words. Watching children this same age slowly walk down the aisle riding cardboard camels did the same. Hearing the children sing "Happy Birthday Jesus" and recognizing that they truly trust in the light of Christ overcoming the darkness of the world, makes me weep. Seeing the leadership of our children's programming on fire for involving children in ministry is so awesome...again it's God that is lining up gifts with service. That afternoon we met at our Community Center to watch "The Nativity Story." It's one of my favorite Christmas traditions. This year it really got to me. It's not just a cute story about donkeys and angels. It's a story of peace overcoming the violence of a jealous, raging, King Herod. The movie shows his anger at the threat of the Messiah and his desire to do whatever it took to remain in power. Again I cried as I thought about the fear and loss of the people whose sons were murdered to fulfill Herod's decree. Little boys taken because of man's fearing ego. An entire generation of men wiped out on one very dark night. Thoughts of those little faces from Sandy Hook cross my mind as I realize again and again that we have not really changed. No matter what gun laws are passsed evil will still be alive in the world. People want to ask God "why?" And it is as simply as reading Genesis to understand the very beginnings of darkness. Yet, into this darkness is born a Savior, the very Word of God, or as Eugene Peterson puts it, the "Life-Light" of the world. (John 1) Into the darkness comes life and light...neither can be extinguished because Christ is more powerful than evil. That same "Life-Light" is still at work, in the hearts and minds of all who believe. It gives me reassurance that I don't have to have the right words or the best explanation for things like tragic school-shootings. It gives me a peace that transcends my ability to reason or use logic to make sense of the world. But if you look around long enough you can't help but see that God is still in charge, and there IS light in the darkness. I can't wait until Christmas Eve when we light all those little candles and we hold them all up and sing "Christ the Savior is Born." Maybe this Christmas really will be different as we ponder the power of the Light and the promise of Life both here and in eternity. And for now, I pray that God will allow me to continue feeling humbled by His prescence and in awe of the Spirit's power and movement.

My Spirit Groans.

I is 1:58 am on Saturday and I'm sitting in a pew, watching Home Alone and listening to the whispers of youth who just want to stay up a little longer. I'm looking at an empty stable that on Sunday will be filled with the laughter and voices of young children as they show us the Chistmas Story and we celebrate them and the presence of Christ. We've played games tonight: Roman Soldiers is the favorite. We have laughed and eaten lots, enjoyed one another's company. White Elephant gifts always bring out the competition in us, until we realize we are fighting over someone else's junk. My mind is filled with thoughts tonight as I live in the juxtaposition of crazy teens and the realization that so many families in Connecticut are missing a child at home tonight. Why would someone take the lives of kindergardeners? What would cause someone to want to murder their own mother? It doesn't make logical sense to us because it is not logical. There are no words to express to God the depth of our laments. It is not fair that life was cut short, yet here I am surrounded by life to the extreme. Why there? What happened in that young man's spirit that took him to the place where his life ended after senselessly murdering so many? I wonder about our healthcare system. I wonder how people who are mentally ill find the correct treatment. Hospitals keep folks for three days when they have episodes with mental illness, then they are referred to their local mental health folks. There are so many people in these systems that the counselors and psychiatrists cannot keep up. Drugs are handed out with little monitoring. State hospitals are in short supply. When many of these hospitals closed people became homeless and have learned to live outdoors. They don't fit the mold, they cannot hold jobs, they are often cycled in and out of jail. Mental illness is not an excuse to kill people, don't get me wrong. Nothing makes less sense than someone opening up fire in an elementary school. The world is getting more and more frightening which makes people less and less interested in trusting anyone or anything. In the midst of the anger and fear comes that Divine command, "Do not be afraid." in the midst of the waiting of advent, of the anticipation of family gatherings, presents, food, and faith we are called to transcend our humanity and reconnect with the Divine Love if God. Paul talks in Romans about the groans of our hearts. Even when we don't know what to pray God hears the groans of our Spirit. These groans communicate on our behalf, with the Master Creator. God is the one who those children saw first today as they began life-eternal. The loving embrace of Christ, the warmth of the Spirit...I imagine This was a moment when Jesus too wept with us. Folks, we have to take care if each other. We have to look out for one another. As Christians we must transcend the fear of our culture and hold fast to hope, joy, love, and peace. We must pray fervently and then some more, boldly trusting that God hears our prayer. May those affected by this horrible act of violence feel the very Presence of God in their midst. May they find the support they need to make it through the darkness of grief, pain, anger, and loss. And may we celebrate the unique young people in our lives by reminding them how much they are loved and valued.

Three Pointers & Peace

I love the game of basketball.  I used to be pretty good at it, but haven't been able to play competitively in a while.  Aside from the fact that I really need to get back into a shape that's not round, I generally find myself in the gym (our church Community Center) with people much smaller (and more breakable) than me.  

Playing basketball really helped me become a person I respected.  The journey started way back in middle school when we played on Saturday mornings.  I wasn't very good at it until I finally grew and got a little more coordinated.  I really think that I fouled-out of every game but two my freshman year.  (I think I was trying to be a blocker...but really my big feet and I just hadn't found common ground.).  I only played one season in college, and I wasn't very good, but that year taught me about the power of perseverance and accomplishing goals that seem impossible.  I really miss playing competitively, but the basketball court has become something different to me since I became the pastor in Lake Ann.  

When I arrived in LA (yes, that's what we call it), we had this building that seemed way to big for us, way too expensive for us, and under-utilized.  Now the same building hosts many activities, worship services, wedding receptions, and sports teams each week.  The transition has been a clear goal of the people here:  to be more engaged with our community.  While this alone is exciting (and gives great honor to our great God) what I have learned the most about God's desire for this church happens on Wednesday evenings.  

Each Wednesday following fellowship time and supper at our Village Church a group of us head down to the gym for some basketball. This is where God teaches me lessons about the Body of Christ each week.  Let me tell you about the group that played basketball tonight:  

*Three teenage boys who are fast runners, high jumpers, and good friends.  

*One 20-something couple and two 18 year-olds with special needs

*One 7th grader, one 6th grader, one 2nd grader, and a 1st grader.

* One young 27 year-old guy who helps to keep things running smoothly

*One 32 year-old pastor who is too competitive.

Keep in mind that this is only the group that met tonight, we often have many  more people that offer even more diversity.  The most amazing things happen while we play.  While the three young guys love to run circles around us, steal the ball as fast as they can, and make some amazing shots...they also stop us in our tracks and make sure that the 1st grader gets to shoot it.  Anyone who might have more challenges gets at least three attempts to make the shot.  And trust me, when it goes in, there is major cheering and affirmation.  

The special needs population in my congregation is really amazing.  God has shown me so much as I have been more engaged with young people with autism, mental retardation, and learning disabilities.  I have been challenged to listen and learn from each of them as they show me what love without strings attached really looks like, or just how wonderful it can be to hear someone really laugh.  And I've learned just as much from people like these gentleman that play basketball:  It's about giving people opportunities to achieve, to succeed, and to feel encouraged and supported though they may do things differently.  

A couple of those goofy - but amazing youth from LAUMC (The two on the left)

As I arrived at the gym tonight I thought "how are we going to do this."  I knew that the guys wanted to really play and I feared that they would be "put-out" by those who were unable.  I knew the youngest kids wanted to feel included, and frankly, it's easy to just ignore them when you're trying to win.  And I knew that somehow we would all end up playing an interesting game of full-court basketball.  And that's what we did, and everyone had a great time.

We talk a lot about peace during Advent.  So many of us long for peace in our lives and in the world.  I often pray that peace exists within the congregation that I serve, within my family that often has its challenges, and within my spirit.  Peace seems like a difficult thing to achieve or obtain these days, especially as we read again of another shooting, more war, and the inability of our government to make decisions.  How can we even fathom world peace when we can't get along with our neighbors?  It's huge...and yet it is so simple.  Peace exists on the basketball court on Wednesday nights when young people (and sometimes older ones) are more concerned about others than themselves.  Peace comes to life when the score doesn't matter and the experience does.  Peace comes when we are able to laugh at our mistakes and keep on playing hard, giving it our best.  

I'm proud of my church for being a place where everyone is loved as a child of God.  I'm proud of the youth-group God brought together that is like no other youth-group on the planet.  I'm grateful for a God who has the bigger-picture in mind, but lets me be amazed at some of the details.

Peace, friends.

50 Shades of Proverbs...

When you were a kid did you ever play with one of those paddles with the ball on an elastic string?  I don't know how many times i got going with one of those and the ball would come back and hit me in the eye.  These toys take talent!  

Imagine my joy when my Monday morning Bible study read this in Proverbs:

Like tying a stone in a sling
    is the giving of honor to a fool.  (26:8)

It's like America's Funniest Videos, the guy who actually ties the rock to his sling shot and then wonders why it hits him in the face.  Who knew it was Biblical?!?  

Actually our study of Proverbs has been pretty interesting thus far.  There are many themes that run throughout the book.  We discuss the power of wisdom and just how we may obtain it.  The images that Proverbs placed in our minds often get us laughing, but usually we agree that they are right on target even for today.  Just think about these:  

A sluggard buries his hand in the dish;
    he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth. (26:15)


If you find honey, eat just enough—
    too much of it, and you will vomit.
¹⁷ Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house—
    too much of you, and they will hate you. (25:16-17)

Better to live on a corner of the roof
    than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (25:24)


Some of you may offer up an "AMEN!" for that last one, and I pray that none of you are sitting on the corner of the roof tonight.  

I have been pondering the role of wisdom in our lives.  It seems that it's importance has diminished as culture has changed.  The prominence of family proverbs, handed down from generation to generation has been affected by the prevalence of divorce and broken family structures.  We are learning about wisdom from reality television shows...that is scary!  Maybe this is one of the places where the importance of the church has grown.  In a society where being busy and rushed reign, the church offers us that time to stop and sit and be as we worship together.  It's the place where we talk about tradition and ritual and where we share the meal of the Eucharist. The church can really be a powerful witness to the power of wisdom...especially when keep the main thing, the main thing.  

Rather than expounding on the songs we sing (or don't sing), more important than the way the chairs are set-up, or the strength of the coffee...the church offers us a place to learn from those who came before us while also teaching us the importance of listening to the smallest children in our midst.  God's wisdom is poured out upon us when we gather.  That's pretty powerful, and very exciting.  

I believe the God still entrust the church as a vehicle for the redemption of the world.  Do we trust the church?  How can we reclaim the power of wisdom and its ability to create peace?