Jesus Wept

          Merry Christmas a day late. I continue to celebrate today as I spend time with my family, again in a hospital room. My grandpa (AKA GP) has received a miracle during this holiday season. He may not feel that way as he lays very still recovering from a procedure that he had this morning. He has a terrible wound on the back of his heel that has been being treated for months. Finally my mom and her sisters took him to a new doctor because it wasn't healing. That doctor sent him to another doctor who sent him to Dr. Mustapha, a vascular surgeon. He explained after only looking at this wound that my grandpa had no circulation from his hip down and that he had two options: lose his leg or have surgery. He is an amazing doctor who has taken the time (staying late even on a Friday night with his team) to open up the veins and blood vessels in his leg. As of this afternoon (procedure #2) he has 100% blood flow to the infected area in his heel which will finally allow it to heal! This is a miracle and we are all grateful for a doctor who saved my grandpa's leg (and probably life). 

       Have you already moved on? This morning as I drove I heard folks talking about the New Year and resolutions for 2013. I'm not ready to let go of Christmas that fast. Despite amazing worship celebrations each week as we lit another candle on the Advent wreath at church there has been so much going on that I didn't even put up one decoration at my house. But Each Sunday I found an opportunity to be grounded in the hope,peace, love, and joy of the promised Christ. It is in these moments spending time with youth and children, singing Christmas carols, wrapping packages for folks at the mall, praying and recognizing the amazing power of "God with us" that my heart has been prepared for the birth of Christ. 

     Following the stirring movement of God in worship on Christmas Eve And the official "ringing" in of Christmas with the church bell at midnight I found myself in that strange space of returning to my home to gather up packages that needed wrapping for the next day's family gatherings. As I have grown into my role as pastor and found more confidence in my call, I recognize God's presence in the ability to finish well. Seasons like Advent and Lent can really be transformation in my life and the lives of those I serve, though once they are "over" and I find myself in a house all alone my emotions can really get the best of me. I went to some friends' house to stay that night because it's important to wake up with people around on Christmas Day! 

         These tears that overcame me seemed to show back up as I prepared to drive to see my family on Christmas morning. I spent some Sacred moments with God as I drove, listening to choirs sing on the radio. I found myself reflecting on the wonderful Christmases of my childhood when Santa brought dolls and scooters. The days when my family all gathered in the same household joined by grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. I have such fond memories of playing games, eating too much, and excitement over giving and receiving presents. I wept as I thought of the past and of the future, wondering if this is the last Christmas with my grandparents. I thought about the many people who have made Christmas so special: the grandfathers and mothers from my home church, the youth and children that have been so special to my life, the many wonderful people of Traverse Bay and Lake Ann UMC's. I am so blessed and truly humbled by God's work in my life. I don't deserve all that God has done and continues to do. It is too big to grasp. It made me weep as again I considered the birth of Jesus and how this Holy Child has changed my life. I am grateful for the loving people that helped me know Jesus, from the Sunday school teachers, pastors, my college chaplain, colleagues and friends. Those who have loved me unconditionally and challenged me to be the best I can be. I pray that everyone has people like this in their lives at least for a time.
        Jesus wept too. He wept with Mary and Martha as they grieved the loss of their brother. They wept together though they knew that The glory of God could overcome their darkness. This is the promise of Christ, the light that overcomes the darkness of our time. Our nation has wept over the unnecessary loss of lives. We weep over the children who have died, over military men and women who are killed while they attempt to stop evil, over the tragedy of natural disasters. We weep when those we love die, when burdens overwhelm us. We weep when words no longer exist to explain the way we feel. In our weeping we long for the glory of God to be revealed again and again. We long for the Prince of Peace to come and change the way things are. We want the Messiah to return and redeem this work in which we live. If we get it, really get it, we weep with joy at the promise of the Christ in our midst. 

      So just for a little while I want to hold Jesus in my arms. Like my beautiful niece who squeals with excitement I want to keep Jesus close to my heart as I breathe Him in. I want to let Him be a child full of hope that the world will embrace Him. And I want to be there when Redemption comes to see the fullness of the promise of Christ. 

 I am grateful that this Christmas I wept, as again I give thanks for God's immeasurable blessings.