This week began with an interesting discussion about anger.  I lead a Monday morning study and it is a really wonderful group of folks.  There are a few regulars and some that come as they can, so you never really know who might show up.  God is always present though, and there is usually time for laughter and catching up (yes, we often "chase rabbits.")  We've been studying Matthew and had completed the Beatitudes the previous week.  We ran through the section about being salt and light, and into Jesus discussion about why He had come (to fulfill the Law, not to abolish it).  [If you are already wondering what the heck I'm talking about this all happens in Matthew 5]  The first mini-section is titled "Murder" and lent itself to a discussion on anger and the role it plays in our lives.  Let me tell you that this was something for which there was much to discuss!  It was a lively discussion, to say the least and we didn't get any further than those few verses.

I am no Bible scholar and in all seriousness should spend a lot more time studying and brushing up on my knowledge of it's context, and so forth.  I commend folks who have spent their entire lives studying one passage or one term.  I'm still just praying that God will reveal something new to me (and the group) as we discern together what is happening in the text.  It's pretty fascinating actually, when a passage that I assume will go through our minds quickly actually holds us up.  It is amazing how we have that immediate reaction to things and how those reactions are colored by our unique experiences.  For us, on Monday, we all seemed to recognize that something like anger can really wrap it's tentacles around our minds and hearts and prevent us from seeing things clearly.  

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  This Beatitude keeps sticking out in my mind.  Matthew wanted the early believers to keep perspective that what was happening in the immediate was not what was promised in the Eternal Future.  Blessed are those who mourn....blessed are those who not only mourn the death of loved ones, but those who actually mourn the things that aren't fair or just.  "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled."  How do we hunger and thirst for righteousness?   How do we long for peace in the world, for an end to diseases like cancer and HIV!  How  we do anger for things that we cannot control, for relationships that seem impossible to mend, for ideas to change the world.    I think God can use our anger if only it is focused on the right things.  We often have to do the hard work of being the "bigger person" and just offering forgiveness and moving on.  Often situations for which we have no control can challenge our very sense of self.  But in all of these situations we are being challenged to be more like Christ and less like our "selves."  

In my Family Systems Theory classes we are asked each time we meet, "When have you been most yourself, and when have you not been yourself?"  In ministry it is often challenging to bring our full-selves and yet maintain our call to share the grace and mercy of Christ.  [Yes, we are people...that makes this hard sometimes :-)]   It can be difficult to maintain who I am in the midst of who I need to be to serve as a pastor.  I haven't yet mastered this dichotomy but continue to seek God's wisdom in the  unfolding of God's call on my life.  God wants who we are, that's enough for God.  We need not put on any masks or be more like so-and-so.  God simply wants us to be open and by doing so we often become less of "self."   What Jesus points out in the Beatitudes is that we are truly our God-Created-selves when we are living for others, for the Kingdom of God, for redemption.  

³ 

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,

    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

⁴ 

Blessed are those who mourn,

    for they will be comforted.

⁵ 

Blessed are the meek,

    for they will inherit the earth.

⁶ 

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

    for they will be filled.

⁷ 

Blessed are the merciful,

    for they will be shown mercy.

⁸ 

Blessed are the pure in heart,

    for they will see God.

⁹ 

Blessed are the peacemakers,

    for they will be called children of God.

¹⁰ 

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Today I ponder...how am I becoming more of the self God sees?  How about you?

Passion & Pain

There is a character in the book, "The Secret Life of Bees," that I have always loved. Her name is May and she is portrayed as someone that is a little different than the rest of her family.  The main thing that I love about her is that she really feels what other folks are going through.  She is more than empathetic, even to the extreme of being unable to handle the sorrow of the world.  It's too big for her.  She loves deeply and weeps deeply.  

(On a side note: If you haven't read this book, you should at least rent the video...it's wonderful.)  
Sometimes I feel like May, though she is much more genuine and loving than I.  Things that seem so clear to me as good, right, and just are met with such resistance from people who think differently.  This is life, I know, but it often causes me to question if I am using my life in the best way to bring about the kind of change in the world that only God's love and grace can cause.  Recently we had a leadership retreat and we discussed whether or not we truly believe that the church continues to be God's vehicle for the redemption of the world.  We all agreed that we DO believe it and we want to BE it.  This is harder than it sounds because the church is made up of people.  We all cherish the love and power of the community, but we also love to be "right."  

Sometimes what we love can cause us the most pain, can't it.  I'm sure anybody who has children will understand that right away.  I've been thinking about my Lent journey these last few days.  I really need to be more disciplined about some things in my life.  I have gotten off track with some things.  In some ways, though I feel like I'm more "at home" in my calling than I've ever been before.  I have learned in the past few years to worry much less about pleasing other people and caring more about following the Holy Spirit's nudging.  This last few months has helped me realize that I need to spend more time investing in the lives of my family members, especially when they may not be long for this world.  I continue to ponder "balance" and  exactly what that means for me.  Because I love the Church and have embraced God's call to serve the local church, I want to do it in a way that leaves a positive impact on the world.  I guess that every single pastor would say the same thing!  It is our passion to serve a church that actually DOES help bring the world to redemption that makes us work so hard.  It is that same love and passion that makes us want everyone to attend "our" church or stick with "us."  But, just like people, God has allowed a variety of different theologies, worship styles, missions, classes....etc.  All of these can be seen as dividers, yet could also work to embrace and bring about redemption to the masses.  

I have told my congregation many times that I think they truly are a "mission" church.  The many waves of people attending and leaving have caused a lot of pain and confusion...and yet we have helped to grow lots of other churches in the community.  Can we really see it like that?  Can we be grateful that even when someone chooses to "move on" that they are truly searching for the church-home where God can speak most clearly to them?  Can I get rid of "me" and be filled with Christ enough to stand strong in the call to lead and shepherd those whom God has placed where I serve?  Have I become too saturated in culture wanting more and more... rather than transformation of my life and others at God's pace?  

My goal this Lent is to eat less chocolate...but more importantly to focus on the way God is bringing things together, placing before me and you many opportunities to be the church.  I want to focus less on that which divides, less on the political "you're wrong and I'm right."  I want to laugh with my brothers and sisters in Christ, cry with them, share and grow together as we look again at the power of the cross in our lives.  

When I think about what Jesus left behind I realize that he was so passionate about doing the work of healing and redemption that he encountered the same sort of pain that we all do.  Like May, he must have sensed the overwhelming burden of sin and struggle present in the people to whom he ministered.  He must have used those times in prayer, times when he went off by himself to pray, in order to fill up again on the strength of the Divine.  When we are passionate about something we experience the most Sacred amazing moments.  We also encounter those times when we realize that the world has a long way to go.  Along with passion comes pain, and that is why we too must take time to reflect, recharge, and be renewed in God's grace, love, and call for us.  This is what taking Lent seriously is about me for.  

So today I am truly grateful for the many opportunities to encounter God's redemption at work.  I am humbled by those sacred moments spent in the presence of God as lives are challenged and changed.  I am thankful that "my church" isn't the only one (though it is pretty awesome :-) and that God isn't done with us yet.  

May the Church continue to be God's vessel of redemption and transformation for a world in need.  

Bear all Things....

It's been a while since I sat down and wrote something, but I have certainly been thinking about it for a few days.  I'm in the middle of preaching a sermon series about Song of Songs and it's taken me a lot longer to prepare for than I expected it would.  Turns out reading and discussing love and intimacy with an entire congregation can be pretty challenging!  It's been fun though, too and I am always amazed at how God speaks through the text and the time we have in worship together.  I am so grateful for the movement of the Holy Spirit!

In the midst of all this reading about love I have really been thinking about my own life and my hope to one day find someone to spend the rest of my life with.  I find that I can easily get excited at the thought of dating and meeting someone, but at the same time it really scares me.  As a pastor I wonder who would be interested in living this life with me?  It would mean drastic changes in time-management and some changes in the care of my congregation.  I can see the benefit in marrying as a young person and moving through life and all its changes with someone who has pledged to love you unconditionally.  I think my brain has prevented me from settling in that way, as I have an earnest desire to be as available to do God's work as possible.  For a long time now I have been certain that being single is the way it should be, in order for me to fully answer my call in the best way I know how.  I realize at the same time however, that when (and if) I do meet that certain someone that our lives can actually mesh into something beyond my limited understanding at this point.

I was reading a quick devotion the other day and it focused on 1 Corinthians 13.  The part that really caught my attention was that phrase "bears all things."  I think this is often where I go wrong in my relationships with others, and even in relation to God probably.  What does a love that bears all things really look like?  In our culture where divorce is the easy way out of a challenging relationship and where individual needs/wants rule it is something to ponder.  A love that "bears all things" doesn't get distracted by the little frustrations of our close friends/spouses/relatives.  Maybe "bearing all things" means that we just chalk these things up to someone's uniqueness.  Imagine what God can teach us about ourselves as we learn to love someone with a love that truly does "bear all things."  That's what God's love is like for each of us, because Lord knows that we must do things that really make God question if this creation idea was such a good one.

If you haven't done it already, take a few minutes to read through Song of Songs.  It is such a beautifully written poem that expresses one's love for another, yet it also exemplifies just how crazy being in a relationship can make us (notice the woman running through the night to find her lover....)  We are people meant to be in connection with one another. We are most blessed by those friendships/relationships that strengthen/challenge/ and build us up to be people that can share this bear-all-things kind of love.  

I'm going to work on this (with God's help, of course.)

Phew.

I am anxious today.  Not just the usual anxious that I carry in my bones everyday.  Anxiety can be one of my greatest assets, but today it's just making me pretty nuts.  Ever struggle with anxiety?  It reminds me of that slippery serpent in the Garden of Eden as it can overtake me before I even know it exists.  It begins in the wee hours of the morning when I begin to think of all that the day will entail, then it transforms the many tasks and ideas into a mess of fear and leaves me catching my breath.  I hate it.  Anxiety makes no sense, really....but no matter how I try to talk myself out of it it tends to hang around for a while.  For me, it is often the hidden part of my life that no one imagines is there.  It can rob me of the joy of serving Christ by filling my head with all that is left undone:  people who are needing a visit, letters to be written, calendars to be copied, sermons that aren't quite finished, youth group lessons, books to read, leadership skills to learn, family to check in on, and on..and on...

Reality check time.   Deep breath.   Gentle reminder:  Nothing I do will cause God to love me more, nothing I don't do will cause God to love me less.  Phew.  Re-focus.  Press on.

The irony of today is evident in the sermon I am pondering for our Saturday night service.  I've been reading the conversion stories of Wesley, Luther, and Augustine again recently.  Their struggle to KNOW without doubt that they have pleased God and received the blessing of salvation kept them awake long nights and led them to "work" zealously for God.  The very thing they longed to know in their bones, is that which they encouraged others to grasp:  grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love.....all through faith alone.  

It's too much for us in this world where everything has to fulfill it's purpose or can be replaced.  It's too much to struggle and dig deeper when most of what we want comes at the click of the computer mouse.  This reality effects culture in such drastic ways, even determining the success or failure of relationships.  If Luther hadn't struggled he may never have experienced the utter relief and joy at finally KNOWING the Lord.  If Wesley had given up on the quest for the fire of the Spirit the common people may never have known the deep acceptance of God's grace.  

The level of need in the world overwhelms me.  People unwilling to do the hard work to make thing better for themselves makes me sad.  Help exists, but it means we have to do difficult things.  Children suffering the consequences of their parent's choices makes me weep.  In the midst we stand as a the Body of Christ, just reaching our arms out as far as they can stretch, praying that we can catch those who fall, crushed by the weight of failure, desires, accidents, illness...not just to slip them a few bucks or a bag of groceries and send them on their way but to confront them with the only love that will never disappoint, hold a grudge, or turn on them.  

We've got to make this love real.  We've got to find avenues to open up flashes of unmerited grace in people's lives.  We've got to keep our eyes on the big picture.

Phew.   God's still in charge.  I just needed the reminder that I'M not.  

Hope for the Hopeless

I have struggled all day with what to write for our January newsletter at church.  This seems to be the area of ministry that can really trip me up, though I tell myself that it doesn't need to be a big deal.  I know it is January and I should probably be writing about all the amazing miracles that have occured in ministry during the last twelve months, or at least about the provision that God will provide for 2013.  However, all day I have been plagued by this sense that there is more to do, more people to reach, and new ways to reach them.  Below is my newsletter article.  If you receive the newsletter you'll get a repeat tomorrow, sorry!  I am interested in your thoughts on this topic and the potential influence the church could/should have.

JANUARY 2013

I’m sure many of you have read the recent newspaper articles about the young soldier, Eric Harm who took his own life at the end of December.  Many members of the Harm family live in our community and I am sure that some of you must know them personally.  This has certainly filled the Harm family with great sorrow and grief as they do their best to begin 2013 with some sort of hope.  Suicide is such as difficult and tragic outcome and only causes everyone close to the victim to question what they might have done to prevent it.  So often during these times I am questioned about God’s opinion on the subject.  Many people have been taught by the church that suicide is deal-breaker with God.  This is not something I have read in Scripture, though I do have high regard for the value of life. 

I have found in my limited experience that things like this happen only when someone’s mental state has been altered.  If capable of thinking clearly, I don’t know that anyone would really want to end their life.  In this instance, Eric was struggling beyond anyone’s understanding with his experiences as a soldier in Afghanistan.    What those experiences were that tortured his spirit we will never know,  but I believe that our loving God has wrapped Eric’s broken soul with His great love.  After all, as it says in Romans, “nothing can separate us from the love of God in Jesus Christ.”  My prayer is that just as Eric was overtaken with the love of God, freed from the pain and fear that plagued him, his family might also be as we (their community) do our best to support them through this tragic time in their lives. 

As the daughter of a Vietnam Veteran who is ultimately proud of his service as a Green Beret, I know personally the effects that military service can have on a soldier’s life.  Though they may come back home to family and friends, after fighting in a war life is rarely able to go back to being the same.  As wars end and transitions are made the number of service men and women facing this type of transition is astounding.  Many soldiers come home and are unable to find work, thousands are homeless.   Those who faced combat are often plagued by flash-backs and diagnosed with Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder.  At last count, the number of Veterans in the United States totals about 22 million people.  Currently 680,000 of these folks are living in Michigan.   The number of soldier-suicides is at an all-time high.  That tells me that as a congregation, and as children of God, we must be equipped to welcome in the Veterans in our midst, more importantly to reach those who have not yet stepped into our fellowship. 

The family of Eric Harm wants nothing more than to help prevent this from ever happening again.  Shouldn’t this be the goal of our church as well?  How can we reach out to this population of people to show our support and offer help and guidance?  We can no longer expect folks to come to us, we must reach out to them.  It is not about preaching salvation as much as it is about coming alongside those who are hurting, broken, and afraid. 

I am sure you have done some reflecting as the New Year approached.  Is God calling you to something new?  Is God calling you to step out of your comfort zone?  Today as I was reading through some emails, I received one from the UMC’s latest campaign:  ReThink Church.  They have created a program to challenge local churches to connect with those who have served our country.  There are many different suggestions as to how this might come to be, but I would like to hear your ideas.  I know that many of you are passionate about caring for and praying for our military.  For me, this means that God is clearly challenging my spirit with our ability to serve those men and women who have yet to step inside our church building.  One suicide is one too many. 

If you’re interested, I’d like to have some conversation (not debate) around this topic on Thursday, January 17^th at 7pm in our fellowship hall.  Perhaps God is calling us to a new ministry.  If this is not where God has called you I ask that you join in prayer as a community for the family of Eric Harm and the many other soldiers like him.  Together let us discern how the Prince of Peace can come to life through our words and actions.  Thank you to those of you who have served in the military, your sacrifices are not taken for granted. 

May God continue to challenge us as we strive to be His people in 2013! 

Pastor Devon

Jesus Wept

          Merry Christmas a day late. I continue to celebrate today as I spend time with my family, again in a hospital room. My grandpa (AKA GP) has received a miracle during this holiday season. He may not feel that way as he lays very still recovering from a procedure that he had this morning. He has a terrible wound on the back of his heel that has been being treated for months. Finally my mom and her sisters took him to a new doctor because it wasn't healing. That doctor sent him to another doctor who sent him to Dr. Mustapha, a vascular surgeon. He explained after only looking at this wound that my grandpa had no circulation from his hip down and that he had two options: lose his leg or have surgery. He is an amazing doctor who has taken the time (staying late even on a Friday night with his team) to open up the veins and blood vessels in his leg. As of this afternoon (procedure #2) he has 100% blood flow to the infected area in his heel which will finally allow it to heal! This is a miracle and we are all grateful for a doctor who saved my grandpa's leg (and probably life). 

       Have you already moved on? This morning as I drove I heard folks talking about the New Year and resolutions for 2013. I'm not ready to let go of Christmas that fast. Despite amazing worship celebrations each week as we lit another candle on the Advent wreath at church there has been so much going on that I didn't even put up one decoration at my house. But Each Sunday I found an opportunity to be grounded in the hope,peace, love, and joy of the promised Christ. It is in these moments spending time with youth and children, singing Christmas carols, wrapping packages for folks at the mall, praying and recognizing the amazing power of "God with us" that my heart has been prepared for the birth of Christ. 

     Following the stirring movement of God in worship on Christmas Eve And the official "ringing" in of Christmas with the church bell at midnight I found myself in that strange space of returning to my home to gather up packages that needed wrapping for the next day's family gatherings. As I have grown into my role as pastor and found more confidence in my call, I recognize God's presence in the ability to finish well. Seasons like Advent and Lent can really be transformation in my life and the lives of those I serve, though once they are "over" and I find myself in a house all alone my emotions can really get the best of me. I went to some friends' house to stay that night because it's important to wake up with people around on Christmas Day! 

         These tears that overcame me seemed to show back up as I prepared to drive to see my family on Christmas morning. I spent some Sacred moments with God as I drove, listening to choirs sing on the radio. I found myself reflecting on the wonderful Christmases of my childhood when Santa brought dolls and scooters. The days when my family all gathered in the same household joined by grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. I have such fond memories of playing games, eating too much, and excitement over giving and receiving presents. I wept as I thought of the past and of the future, wondering if this is the last Christmas with my grandparents. I thought about the many people who have made Christmas so special: the grandfathers and mothers from my home church, the youth and children that have been so special to my life, the many wonderful people of Traverse Bay and Lake Ann UMC's. I am so blessed and truly humbled by God's work in my life. I don't deserve all that God has done and continues to do. It is too big to grasp. It made me weep as again I considered the birth of Jesus and how this Holy Child has changed my life. I am grateful for the loving people that helped me know Jesus, from the Sunday school teachers, pastors, my college chaplain, colleagues and friends. Those who have loved me unconditionally and challenged me to be the best I can be. I pray that everyone has people like this in their lives at least for a time.
        Jesus wept too. He wept with Mary and Martha as they grieved the loss of their brother. They wept together though they knew that The glory of God could overcome their darkness. This is the promise of Christ, the light that overcomes the darkness of our time. Our nation has wept over the unnecessary loss of lives. We weep over the children who have died, over military men and women who are killed while they attempt to stop evil, over the tragedy of natural disasters. We weep when those we love die, when burdens overwhelm us. We weep when words no longer exist to explain the way we feel. In our weeping we long for the glory of God to be revealed again and again. We long for the Prince of Peace to come and change the way things are. We want the Messiah to return and redeem this work in which we live. If we get it, really get it, we weep with joy at the promise of the Christ in our midst. 

      So just for a little while I want to hold Jesus in my arms. Like my beautiful niece who squeals with excitement I want to keep Jesus close to my heart as I breathe Him in. I want to let Him be a child full of hope that the world will embrace Him. And I want to be there when Redemption comes to see the fullness of the promise of Christ. 

 I am grateful that this Christmas I wept, as again I give thanks for God's immeasurable blessings.

The Life-Light

I have to catch up a little today, but it appears I will have plenty of time. I am sitting at the Holland Hospital waiting as my dad has surgery. I find it interesting that while I do this kind of thing all the time as a pastor, it is much different to be here as the daughter. My family has been really interesting lately, and because I live about three hours away I am rarely in the thick of the goings-on. This has its benefits sometimes, but lately I have wished I could be a little bit closer. I realize that my God-given gifts do not include anything having to do with nursing, cleaning, cooking, or any other role that deals with human-bodily-functions. This leaves me a little nervous about the upcoming days with my Dad. It sounds like I am going to be helping with care of an incision and making sure my Dad doesn't starve. Don't worry, I will call for help without hesitation! He WILL survive. Actually it goes much deeper than my abilities. My Dad and I have not always had the best relationship. He has his own struggles with PTSD and alcohol. I have come to understand him so much better as I have grown up and read about his time as a Green Beret in Vietnam. I am proud of him now, though I can easily switch back to that little girl who was pretty angry with her Dad. I know that he has done the best he could and he certainly has always provided for us. So now I get to serve him as he heals, this may be an interesting few days. I am already missing my "family" in Lake Ann. Exciting things are happening in our community these days. I don't want to miss the wonderful celebration on Thursday as families come to receive gifts that have been donated for their children. It's a blessing to be able to give someone a box filled with enough food for a real Christmas feast! These are selfish things, I suppose, though I truly am overflowing with "healthy" pride about the things happening at LAUMC. The best part is that it really doesn't have anything much to do with me. It's all about God giving people passion and linking those passions and gifts with opportunities to serve. Jan, the woman who oversees the food pantry does such an amazing job. She is not only organized, but she's been able to empower some of the other people in the church to connect with organizations that provide food. She knows each family and treats anyone who enters like they are blessing her day. It's awesome. I found myself tearing up many times on Sunday as I recognized this great movement of the Spirit. I have read so many of my friend's reflections about the shooting in Connecticut and it seems they too have felt God's movement in the aftermath of this tragedy. Thinking about families greiving the loss of their young children leaves me with no words. Watching children this same age slowly walk down the aisle riding cardboard camels did the same. Hearing the children sing "Happy Birthday Jesus" and recognizing that they truly trust in the light of Christ overcoming the darkness of the world, makes me weep. Seeing the leadership of our children's programming on fire for involving children in ministry is so awesome...again it's God that is lining up gifts with service. That afternoon we met at our Community Center to watch "The Nativity Story." It's one of my favorite Christmas traditions. This year it really got to me. It's not just a cute story about donkeys and angels. It's a story of peace overcoming the violence of a jealous, raging, King Herod. The movie shows his anger at the threat of the Messiah and his desire to do whatever it took to remain in power. Again I cried as I thought about the fear and loss of the people whose sons were murdered to fulfill Herod's decree. Little boys taken because of man's fearing ego. An entire generation of men wiped out on one very dark night. Thoughts of those little faces from Sandy Hook cross my mind as I realize again and again that we have not really changed. No matter what gun laws are passsed evil will still be alive in the world. People want to ask God "why?" And it is as simply as reading Genesis to understand the very beginnings of darkness. Yet, into this darkness is born a Savior, the very Word of God, or as Eugene Peterson puts it, the "Life-Light" of the world. (John 1) Into the darkness comes life and light...neither can be extinguished because Christ is more powerful than evil. That same "Life-Light" is still at work, in the hearts and minds of all who believe. It gives me reassurance that I don't have to have the right words or the best explanation for things like tragic school-shootings. It gives me a peace that transcends my ability to reason or use logic to make sense of the world. But if you look around long enough you can't help but see that God is still in charge, and there IS light in the darkness. I can't wait until Christmas Eve when we light all those little candles and we hold them all up and sing "Christ the Savior is Born." Maybe this Christmas really will be different as we ponder the power of the Light and the promise of Life both here and in eternity. And for now, I pray that God will allow me to continue feeling humbled by His prescence and in awe of the Spirit's power and movement.