Things I Wonder

Quarantine has made things super weird in all sorts of ways.  Not only is it like Twilight Zone when you do have to go out to the grocery store, seeing everyone in masks, and wondering why there are still people NOT in masks.  But, there's also this pervasive feeling of "I should be doing...."

I recognize that not working is creating all sorts of chaos and fear for both people who've had to file for unemployment, and for those who have been deemed "essential" and are often quarantined from their own families.  I have little room to complain, and am so grateful in many ways for the safety of home and the kindness of the people for whom I work.  

At first it was like this was some grand opportunity to do all the cleaning and projects I've always wanted to do.  But I have barely scratched the surface of any of that.  So tonight, I just thought I'd make a list of all the things I've been wondering about for the last few days:

1. Why does everything I used to do in one hour now take eleven hours?
2. What can I eat?
3. Why am I so tired?
4. How much hair can actually come off a cat before he's bald?
5. Why do I always have laundry to do?
6. What can I eat?
7. Why is everyone watching this Tiger movie on Netflix?
8. Why am I not quarantining someplace poolside with palm trees?
9. Is this my sixth cup of coffee?
10. Can I go to bed at 8pm so it will be tomorrow?
11. Is it time for ice cream?
12. Does anyone deliver margaritas?

But the predominant question in my spirit these days is, "I wonder how this will change things." Have you noticed how loud the birds are in the mornings?  Have you seen the different ways the earth is recovering in just the weeks that we have been inside?  Maybe, like me, you've had time to really process and ponder the pace of your life?  In lots of ways this has made us ask the hard question of what is truly most important.  

Doing church online has been a wild ride.  I have NEVER looked or listened to myself this much, EVER.  And it's not something I enjoy, which is something every pastor I know is feeling pretty deeply right now.  I have always been kind of a "what you see is what you get" person, but having sermons online into eternity makes this all a lot more vulnerable.  Maybe that's another way that things will change, because behind every pastor's credentials is just a person who feels called by God to use their gifts in this specific way.  And it sure seems like God is on the move through all of this internet evangelizing.  

I've also thought a lot about my church and denomination and how long and drawn out our tensions about inclusivity have become.  As painful as it has been, I was hoping there would be some kind of resolution this spring, and now that too has been pushed back.  I wonder if throughout this time we might come to realize that the most important thing is really doing anything and everything we can so that people encounter the living, all-loving Christ?  I have a glimmer of hope that this could be a real shift in what we are so focused on, and rather than worrying about who people love, we might just focus on making sure all people know the depth of God's love and saving grace.  I know it isn't that simple, but what if IT IS?

I don't have any profound theological insights tonight.  I'm weary and the ice cream is calling my name.  So I will just end with this.....what is it that you wonder about?  And how can we hold on to the mystery of this time, so that when it IS over we don't go right back to our old selves, and our old ways?  

Again, I suppose, this is resurrection thinking.  

May God fill us with all the wonder, and the courage to do something about it.

Love to you,

Pastor Devon