As I sat through our normal proceedings that year, engaged in times of worship with my fellow UM's, ate meals and had lots of "parking lot" conversations I began to realize that my sermon stunk. I found myself in the midst of people who longed to have the power structure of the church reversed. I heard tale after tale of power struggles and of good pastors who would not receive appointments because their family's needs could not also be met in their Cabinet-appointed location. I knew that the Spirit was calling me to speak from the heart and from my love of the UMC and Wesleyan theology. Pastor's needed to hear that they were not a disappointment to God, that a decrease in church attendance or professions of faith was not necessarily because their specific ministry was ineffective. I believe that in many ways we are now reaping the consequences of years led by a broken organizational system. I was used by God that day (I hope and pray) to encourage those people who live and minister and care in the often mysterious trenches of ministry. I'm pretty sure that I even told the Bishop he could jump off a bridge and no one in our local church would notice....but if all the pastors in all the small burgs that house UMC's were to vanish, the world we be a different place...Christ's hands and feet would be less effective.
My first year in ministry my District Superintendent told me I was "too idealistic." He said that because I held high expectations for my fellow pastors. At that time I believed so much in the process, in the structure, and in the future of the church I am called to serve. I am idealistic I suppose....I believe that the power in the UMC (and in any large denomination) is found at the local level, in the nitty-gritty details of local church ministry, chaplaincy, etc. I believe that pastors need to feel empowered, encouraged, and cared for by those who hold superior positions within the organizational structure. I believe that we can only be stronger when we include all people, all points of view, all races, lifestyles, ages, and ideals. We don't all have to agree with each other but we do have to recognize that in the creation of each person God has done a mighty work, and that each person (regardless of our opinion) has been made in the very image of the God we love and trust. Our system continues to do all it can to uphold a structure of power that is not only killing our churches, but preventing us from accomplishing our mission to transform the world while "making disciples of Jesus Christ!
As I sit in the small village of Lake Ann tonight, my heart is troubled for my church. I pray this struggle I feel is not one of selfish motivation or preservation. I am definitely no expert when it comes to understanding what is happening in Tampa at our General Conference, though I have been excited about the possibilities that exist as the leaders and delegates of the UMC gather for discernment and vote-taking on legislation that could truly lead the UMC boldly into the future. I must admit that I have not been glued to my computer watching the live-feed of the events and discussions. I have only read snip-ets of decisions, heartfelt testimonies and confessions, and the blog posts of the delegates from W. MI. I recognize that the Spirit is at work, opening perspectives and offering healing. Unfortunately I also recognize that riding the fence on huge issues will only perpetuate the downward spiral in which we currently find ourselves. As a whole we sit on opposite sides of the table regarding huge issues, often led by the fear that comes with change. How will we move forward? Can we move forward when every side claims that the Gospel says....
Maybe we need to start with reading the Gospel again...
"A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must
love one another." John 13:34
If we are true to the Spirit's leading, true to the discernment process are we not all changing and in a constant state of transformation in the Spirit? It's when we think we've arrived, that our way is the only way, that we get stuck. We are stuck, aren't we?
Historically the Methodist's have played a large role in taking strong stands in the name of justice. These days it seems we are the last to move towards inclusion and accountability. We even struggle to have respectful, open, honest conversations with people who share different viewpoints. Our nation and political climate are a reflection of the polarized state of the church. "In the name of God, I'M right" is no longer an acceptable way of moving forward, reaching people with God's love, or transforming the world. I am challenged by many to be bold, to use my voice, and I feel frustrated that using my voice could actually make me a victim of this system as it has many of my colleagues. Because we are appointed under the auspices of a cabinet and bishop, should we "use our voices" they may just come back to haunt us. What avenues are there other than to write legislation that will be dismissed because it may alter the way we currently do business?
I love the UMC....and I am a United Methodist to my core. I believe in our theology. Unfortunately we are so busy trying to find ways to entice people into our churches that we have seemingly set that theology aside on many occasions. Perhaps instead of transformation what we need is reformation.
I'm ready to be reformed. Sign me up for the big horse and let me ride.
I have lots more I would like to say to you Devon, out of love and respect for you and the beautiful person God has made you. But the Reader's Digest version is this: you have been called by God to this ministry! I totally believe that! Use those God-given gifts and graces to that end and that end alone. By love and grace, you will do more for serving God's purpose and plan than anything the office of the Bishop and the Cabinet members could do. I believe those positions have their purpose and merit, but sometimes it gets lost in the "humaness" of holding that position. I believe their hearts may be in the right place, but it is not any easy job. One of the reasons I left the Bishop's office is because I could no longer keep my cynicism at bay. And it wasn't just the Bishop and the Cabinet, but it was every single day I received a phone call, an email or a letter from people who claim to be Christians yet didn't appear to live like one. It hurt my heart to hear pastor's not be accountable for their leadership and discernment skills (or lack thereof). It hurt my heart to see people be so bitter and hurtful. So yes, I too, am an idealist. I am not perfect, but really want to be a follower of Christ. I guess perhaps this didn't turn into a Reader's Digest version after all Devon. Love ya tons!
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow idealist who lives in frustration at having to keep most of my thoughts private out of fear of offending or being misunderstood or judged, I feel your pain--at least some of it. Open, honest sharing from the heart. To hear what others really think and to be listened to and understood in a spirit of respectful love--that's what I long for. When I find that I don't care if we disagree. Hang in there Pastor!
ReplyDeleteRoger
I think that there are probably lots of us who are silent idealists. Maybe we shouldn't be so silent! Some of our ideals may be different, but I think that we all long for the day when Christian leaders/followers treat each other with real love. (not just lip-service love, which is what we usually get)
ReplyDeleteI know that riding the fence can be painful. But I also wonder about the pain it would cause many of those in United Methodism, and maybe even God, for us to split a denomination again. I wonder if God doesn't listen to our endless debates and say, "When are you going to get it? It isn't about the issues! It's about people! Learn to live and love together in the midst of your disagreements."
Back in the mid '90's we were in the midst of one of our yearly arguments about a petition on homosexuality. We were hearing from the same people who were using the same points they always use. Thankfully we came to a lunch time so we could take a break. When we came back the writer of the petition said that he had shared his break with a friend with whom he disagreed. He said they would never agree on this issue, but out of respect for his friend and the unity of the church he withdrew his petition.
That was the moment that I saw a glimmer of hope. I was already an idealist, but that gave me renewed hope to keep that idealism intact. I don't know what the answer is. I only know that as long as I live I will hope and pray and work for the ideal that God longs for us to be transformed by God's agape love and live in unity through the Spirit even in the midst of disagreement. We can be better than what we currently are for sure.
Mark
This is beautiful, devon!! thank you!!
ReplyDeleteDevon, admittedly I cudnt read or comprehend this entire article.... It got kinda boring for me... Lol. Anyhow, I got the gist - I want to encourage you to be who you are and express your thoughts freely and unafraid. I'm not sure what are your rules... But life is surely precious and very very short. So long as your intentions are good and respectful, as I'm sure they are - you've been privileged with a gift from above to be a voice for many.. Take me for example.... I've decided to leave a very lucrative career to pursue my passion in public service - of this I have no regrets. I too seek to be a viable voice for many many families in need or otherwised repressed - everyone deserves and is entitled to pursue happiness and live freely and peacefully. I will add my cents to ensure this happens. Finally, you have my humble support for anything you voice that would be otherwise considered unorthodox - I'm sure you have the support of many... Collectively, we can create, promote, impact and change.. Remember our slogan in 6th grade... We the future ... Still got my t- shirt.. And it still fits! Lol. Take care.. Very respectfully, Sylvia Delgado.
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