Knots

When I first started in ministry I was so excited that I couldn't wait to help out in every possible way. I love people, so much of my time was spent visiting and praying with my parishioners. I was given charge of the youth group, something I was used to having served as a director of youth and children's ministry while in seminary. In the midst of the joy of practicing ministry I found my preaching voice and reveled in the mystery of The Spirit's movement in the lives of the people I had quickly grown to love.

I heard warnings of pastor burn-out and keeping life and vocation separate. I remembered the voice of my Church Administration prof saying repeatedly, "pastors should not make friends with those in their churches.".And oh so quickly, and without recognition I found myself breaking the unwritten pastor rules that have been handed down through the ages.
Has the role of pastor changed or am I just doing it wrong? I believe that the people in my congregation want to know that their pastor is a real person just like they are, one who struggles with living as Christ calls in the midst of this world. The pastor-pedestal is not for me! Besides, I'm too uncoordinated to be set up high. That's too far of a tumble for me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a knot trying to balance all the loose ends of ministry, friendships, family, and keeping healthy my own soul. Inevitably someone gets the short end of the stick and the strings unravel a bit. As many pastors are, I too am a grand people pleaser. This causes the knot to get tight once on a while when I realize that I am neglecting a friend, my family, or have dropped the ball on follow-through with a parishioner.

One of my friends recently posted a status in Facebook that asked this: "Is the way you are doing ministry destroying the God in you?". A profound question that should be easily answered with a resunding NO, but in my life could often be answered with a humble yes.

Ministry in the midst of The Bread of Life can leave me starving if I get caught up in knots. It's the knots of doubt and people pleasing that destroy the image and work of God in me, and in turn destroy my ability to see God in another. The irony of all of this is that it occurs under the great umbrella of loving God who simply desires my adoration, faith, and worship. How did that become so complicated, anyway?