Listening...

Kneeling Ministers

 Often these days, people in my life will ask me if I have ever considered starting my own church.  I have never fancied myself much of a church-planter, as I'm not sure I have the confidence or creativity required.  My standard response though, involves a great respect and desire for accountability.  I have followed in the wake of a pastor who was left unaccountable and in his process of leaving, he deeply hurt the beloved people who stayed behind because they did not agree with his agenda.  I have watched along with you as pastors on power trips end up giving the Body of Christ a bad name, who claim a handle on scriptural interpretation or kingdom politics for which  I'm not sure any of us have righteous authority. For as much as the denominational system is messy (especially in the UMC these days), there is a gift in the checks and balances it provides - meaning that none of us can go too far off the rails without someone we love, or at least someone who has authority in our service, checking us on our motives.  I experienced the gift of this system most recently when I cried out to a compassionate Bishop Bard in what was really one of the hardest moments in my life and ministry.  I experience the life-long gift of staying in relationship with my colleagues and friends on nearly an everyday basis.  That's why, for me, serving Jesus has led me into a system - it is flawed, for sure - but it does have its beneficial points.  That's why, even in the midst of the battle for a truly inclusive UMC, I haven't just cut and run toward another theological home.  

I experienced accountability of a different sort recently, when one of my Wesley House alumni sent me a message asking me if  in the wake of George Floyd's death I was addressing the harsh realities of racism with my mostly-white-middle-class-congregation.  She, a twenty-something black woman, wanted to challenge me to be bold and brave and not skirt difficult issues because they might be unpopular with the traditional church crowd.  She wanted to make sure that I practice what I preach with regard to racism and loving my neighbor regardless of their skin color, sexual orientation, or any other thing that separates us these days.  I appreciated her willingness to challenge me, because she was calling me to live into Christ's example and she was doing it with compassion and integrity.

I learned in middle school that a system of checks and balances is at the foundation of our national government.  The legislative, executive, and judicial branches exist to provide a balance of power.  As I read the news this week I pondered what has happened to this system, and what has happened to us? I watched as moments of the RNC glorified violence against black people - by claiming that a vote for Trump will protect law-abiding Americans and limit the "violent anarchists, agitators, and criminals who threaten our citizens."  The only violent anarchist I saw this week was a seventeen year old white guy in red, white, and blue crocs with a racist agenda and a long rifle.  The main agitator of violence and unrest seems to be our tweeting president who goes out of his way to stir people up and dehumanize. 

All of this fell on the same week as the 57th anniversary of MLK Jr.'s I Have a Dream speech.   The gathering in Washington turning into a peaceful protest calling for police reform and an end to racism.  Of course people are protesting - what else can be done when the system of checks and balances has fallen apart?  What else can you do when nobody will listen, when you are powerless in the machine of a system that has lost its ability to hold anyone accountable? 

Perhaps the Mike Pence Revised Standard Version of Scripture gets at the root of this problem.  Rather than running the race fixing our eyes on Jesus, he encouraged us to keep our eyes on Old Glory and all she represents.  What does it mean to be an American Citizen right now?  What are the most important aspects of this blessing?  Are we most blessed by the right to bear arms, or the freedom of speech, and what about separation of church and state? I fear we have reduced ourselves to the selfish ideals that claim "as long as I'm ok, I don't have to care about anyone else."  We have seen this ethic so clearly during this pandemic as people looking out for #1 forgot that their neighbors may have needs too (even if it is just for TP).  

I learned early on in my life that we are only as strong as our weakest person.  This was pressed into me on nearly every sports team I ever played.  It challenged the strongest players to assist and care for those who just needed a little more encouragement.  This thread has been woven into nearly every aspect of my life since, and as a white woman I am recognizing the depth of privilege I bear just because of the color of my skin and where I was born.  I have learned that what is perceived as weakness is rarely that, and to listen to people's stories because we are not all given equal opportunities.  Unfortunately, it has taken the events of the last few years for me to realize that saying nothing places me on the side of the oppressor and that I must do whatever I can to learn about anti-racism and just how to be an ally of the black community. 

This morning I found myself in downtown Birmingham on the Civil Rights Heritage Trail. I stopped by the historic locations of the 1963 Civil Rights movement, where black persons were beaten, sprayed with firehoses, and chased by dogs as they fought for their human rights.  I want to understand how we can be at this place again in our society, I want someone to really explain to me how Christian people can deny white privilege and support racist policies.  I want to be told why, in the name of Jesus, loving our neighbor somehow means loving the people that look and act and think like us.  I have listened and kept silent as persons I love explain to me that our President's awful behavior deserves a free pass because our stocks have gone up.  What does it mean to make America great again?  If it means that as long as I have more money I forgive any other offense, or that I agree with refugees being put in cages and losing their children, or that the inconvenience of wearing a mask outweighs the safety of another human....if this is a great America, it feels so contrary to Christ's call that I can't make sense of it.  If calls to redistribute funds used for policing can strengthen our ability to deal with the mental health crisis, should we not try it? If you're reading this and you're convinced I'm wrong, please explain it to me - please explain to me how greed has become the great catalyst for our existence these days.  I genuinely want to understand. 

I am the daughter of a Vietnam Green Beret who's life has been altered by the effects of war. I respect the strength of this nation.  In a few months we will bury my father with Old Glory  draped over his ashes.  My Dad was so proud of his military comrades and accomplishments, it defined his entire life.  I hope that what my Dad fought for, and his pride in this country, was rooted in the very ideals on which this country was founded: that all persons are created equal.  Wouldn't America really be great if we looked at all persons as equals, made in the very imagine of our Loving God, if justice were independent of skin color? 

For my black friends, know that you are not alone.  I am listening....for ways to learn, engage and support you.  For my white friends, are you listening...for ways to learn, engage, and support others?  We really must be in this work together.   

I ended my time this morning with the end verses of Psalm 139 - which continues to be a guiding prayer for me these days:

Search me, God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

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See if there is any offensive way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting.

May it be so.

Devon