There's ash under my fingernail. It's from a day of reminding people that they've been made in the image of God. It symbolizes a long day used to jump-start Lenten journeys with significance. It reminds me that students I've never met were open to trying something new, while others were just grateful that they could partake in an abbreviated time of worship when they could not make it to church.
The ash under my fingernail signifies inclusion, as Wesley students and I were invited to participate in the Big Rapids Community Ash Wednesday Service. It was nice to be included. The dirty fingernail reminds me that God is bigger than my opinions about right theology, and my frustration with my own denomination. It reminds me that God > Me.
At our Statewide Wesley retreat a few weekends ago my colleague in campus ministry read Wesley's Covenant Prayer (see above). I've read and heard this prayer read so many times. It's something that tends to come around at the beginning of the new year. The line that jumped right into my soul is the one that reads, "Let me be employed by you, or laid aside for you." I hate that thought. I don't want to be laid aside, I want to work and serve and minister. But I think I need to be laid aside. I at least need to remember that being a disciple of Christ isn't about who works the hardest. It isn't about having the biggest group of Christians on campus, it isn't about how many students I spend time with every day. My entire being has been swallowed up in the pressure coming from slashed conference budgets, which leads to a ministry goal of numerical output rather than transformed lives, strengthened leaders, and strong young adult voices in the church. Pastors being pushed to perform, to have maximum numerical output are not being true to their calling to be "set apart."
The ash under my fingernail reminds me that when I bowed down before the Bishop, surrounded by faithful church leaders and people I love, I heard words about being set apart, staying true to God's call, taking time to listen and pray. It's the call for all of us who are in this together as pastors, lay people, and those just trying to figure out what in the world the Truth really is. Being a disciple, growing in faith really has nothing to do with output or numbers. When we start equating people to funds we get in real serious trouble!
God is calling me to do less and be more. So I find myself back to the Lenten discipline of writing a devotion/reflection every day. I don't do it to see how many people might read it or take this journey with me. I do it because it will discipline me to carve out some time each day to read Scripture, pray, and re-connect.
How is God speaking to you? Is there something you are giving up/taking on for Lent?
In a spirit of deep gratitude I'm going to wash the ash off my hand and remember that I too am made in God's image.
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