Longest Night

 

Today, December 21^st, is the winter solstice.  That means that we will experience the longest night of the year, and that after tonight, the hours of daylight will increase.  This time of year, holiday celebrations surround us with the joy of the season. For many, however, the holidays feel a lot like this night, long and dark.  For some that may mean struggling to make sense of the loss of a loved one, acknowledging the feelings of grief that change over time, but never fully dissipate. Others may simply miss family members who live far away, or experience sadness over other losses.  We are people who have been through so much, and this time of year it is good to acknowledge both the joys of life, alongside the sorrow, struggle, and regrets.  I invite you to take a moment and remain in the midst of what feels heavy this season, acknowledging that which is hard, and allowing yourself space to connect with the Holy (God, Light, Love, whatever you understand the Holy to be).

Find a quiet place and light the candle provided, or another candle of your choosing. Sit comfortably and spend a few moments breathing in deeply, holding it for just a second, and breathing out as long as you can.  Do this slowly until a rhythm develops and you find your mind has slowed down.  If you have trouble concentrating, focus on the feeling of your breath as it enters/leaves your nose/mouth, allowing yourself into a time of quiet stillness and reflection. You may also find it helpful to focus on the flame of the candle.

Spend a few minutes reflecting on the following four ideas: Love, Peace, Hope, Joy.

Allow LOVE to enter:

·        Who comes to mind when you reflect on love?

·        What does it feel like to love and be loved?

·        Lift the names of persons you want to surround with love, be sure to also acknowledge those who have passed from this life. 

·        Take a few moments and breathe.  As you inhale, breath in love…as you exhale breath out any feelings of loneliness, grief, or isolation.

Allow PEACE to enter:

·        In what areas of your life do you long for peace?

·        Focus on any conflict that lives in you, whether it be with yourself or someone else.  Surround that dark space with peace and light as you lift it to the presence of the Holy.

·        Take a few moments and breathe. As you inhale breath in peace…as you exhale breath out any feelings of stress or fear.

Allow HOPE to enter:

·        What does hope mean to you? 

·        What is it that you long for the most?

·        What is your deepest hope for those you love?

·        Take a few moments and breathe.  As you inhale breath in the promise of hope…as you exhale breath our any feelings of discouragement. 

Allow JOY to enter:

·        What brings you joy this season?

·        How do you bring joy into the lives of others?

·        What does joy mean to you?

·        Take a few moments and breathe.  As you inhale breath in joy…as you exhale breathe out any anxiety that resides within you.

Finally, focus on the flame of the candle:

·        What does the light represent to you? 

·        Embrace its warmth and visualize light entering your body.  Start from the bottom of your feet, up your calves, slowly travelling all the way up to the top of your head.  As you picture it, allow your muscles to relax and continue to breath in and out, slowly and deeply. 

·        Allow the light to dispel any darkness, any hurt, any pain. 

·        Before blowing out the candle, spend a few moments reflecting on gratitude.  For what are you most thankful?  Who/what do you consider to be a gift? 

When you are ready, blow out the candle. 

Remember that there are no right or wrong feelings this time of year.  Allow yourself to feel all that comes to you, remembering that you are not alone on this journey. Know that what you bring to this world is unique and important!

May you be blessed now and always,

Chaplain Devon

  

The Hold...

 I haven't written a post on here in over six months.  I have started many times, and decided that it was not the right time, or I did not have enough clarity to get something down that was worth reading.  Today I am writing mostly to get these thoughts out of my head, feel free to read along, but don't expect too much. 

After an entire year of CPE, working to heal and grieve and understand the layers of who I am and how I am wired, I sort of thought I would come out of it with a super-girl cape, that I would be so self-differentiated and reflective that remaining in healthy, non-reactive, grounded space would be a lot easier.  And honestly, in so many ways it has.  I find myself in a completely new territory for me - formerly eternally single and fairly lonely most of the time - I now am loved fiercely by one who continues to dig right into life with me every single day.  The bonus comes in a nine-year old little feminist who teaches me the value of time - doing math homework, eating meals together, learning new things with courage.  I have a home that feels like home, which if you are a UMC pastor, you know is not always the case.  I am serving as the associate pastor for a church that is unique, in transition like all churches, and has offered me the space to live into my vocation while also being authentic to who I find myself to be in this moment.  Because of CPE, I am a better person and pastor than I have ever been.  I remind myself of all that I have learned, to pause and be fully present, to bring myself fully to the gift of each day.   I understand all of this to be part of my sacred process of sanctification and transformation, and Jesus continues to be my closest companion on this journey.  

So, when I read the latest about another delay in the General Conference of the UMC (which I totally expected and is the right decision for many reasons) I was taken aback by the tear-filled deep grief that immediately interrupted my night.  The news hit differently this time because I am now a part of the "problem".  My ability to serve, to fulfill the call God placed on my life, to love people into a relationship with Jesus, to be who I have been created to be, sort of hangs in the balance now.  A couple years ago I thought I would just pursue a different denominational expression (and I am just now beginning to explore that process).  I though it would be easy to let my anger at this standstill and the pain it has caused so many people I love be the catalyst for my pursuit, but it hasn't worked.   I have been confronted repeatedly by the hold the UMC has on my life.  In so (so) many ways my entire life has been shaped and formed by this expression of God's activity in the world.  For my entire life relationships with wonderful church folks have served as a strong foundation for my identity.  That has never stopped, even now I celebrate the gift of these faithful companions I only know because of my connection with the connectional church.  I have been so well loved, formed in faith, and challenged to live this same love into the world.  

It makes me mad honestly, how I let the church system truly grab such a hold of me.  It was my own doing, as I put my everything into trying to be the best - at the expense of any sort of balance.  Coming back after a year away from the local church, I think I naively expected that my system would see me as the same pastor I have always been.  But that is not the case, as who I love prevents me from serving fully in most places.  Yet, I am the same, actually I'm much healthier now.  I say often that all of this just doesn't make sense in my head.  How can finally finding the person I'm supposed to love for the rest of my life be at odds with the call to ministry God placed on my heart when I was 20 years old?  How can loving someone like this, feeling so certain that it is true and right and good, be an abomination?  It can't.  It isn't.  But when this "thing" has had such a hold on who you are is at odds with who you now know yourself to be, the result can easily be shame.  I remind myself quite often that shame is not an option, that the God I know, who created me with purpose and design, is the God who continues to breath life and love into me every moment.  

At the same time, I am not ready to lead the PRIDE parade, in fact I have only recently found the bravery to talk about this openly in meetings where I am asked to share a bit about myself.  It's taken me six months to find that voice, and may take me a lifetime to be a strong advocate for myself.  It is easier for me to be an advocate for the people I love, many of whom are young adults and youth that are struggling with the idea of being Christian, of connecting to a church, of claiming faith in Jesus...because they do not like the version of Christianity that is uncertain if persons of the LGBTQ+ community are fully loved by God.  The UMC is on hold, and the longer it is on hold the less relevant it becomes.  But the hold it has is real,  The theological intention of the UMC is powerful, it is good, it is relevant.  In its current state it is causing pain, anger, fear, and shame.  This I know.  

I am grateful for colleagues in the UMC that are fighting boldly - making statements of inclusion, defying the rules in order to prevent causing further harm.  I am certain you are weary.  I am thankful that I currently work in a space where I can see things from a step away, for the gift of working with a compassionate, straight-forward, senior pastor who challenges me to trust myself and my abilities.  But my friends, I am deeply saddened today as the reality of all of this continues to stake its claim.   I imagine God is too.  

I wonder this Lenten season if what I'm being called to give up is my theological and spiritual home? 

My prayer is simple:  Lead me, Lord.  Lead me in thy righteousness; make they way plain before my face.  For it is thou, Lord, thou, Lord only, that makest me dwell in safety.  Amen. 

Signed, Sealed, Delivered...

 

I'm working on a sermon today, sitting outside near my apartment at the local coffeeshop.  Across the street from me is Railroad Park, an amazing green-space in the middle of the city.  Railroad park is always a hopping place with people riding their bikes and running.  I've seen a yeti doing yoga, kids tossing bread to the fish and turtles in the ponds, there's a place for skateboarders and renting scooters.  It's this amazing mix of people and personalities, from the rich sports-car drivers to the familiar faces of the homeless men joyfully petting all the dogs.  In the fall and spring, this was the place for students to get their homecoming and prom photos, all spruced up in their tuxes and looking like princesses.  There are food trucks, too and of course that dreaded ice-cream truck playing a never-ending loop of The Entertainer. It is from here that I have seen the most beautiful sunsets that remind me of the beauty of home.  This bustling place also reminds me of who I think God has called us to be as the Created.  

Of all the goings-on, there is one guy that rises to the top of my favorites list.  It's this guy.  He has a motorized skateboard and for hours each weekend he goes up and down the road as fast as he can.  The best part though, is that on his back is a big speaker from which he blasts great 80's music. What a guy! He brings a smile to face every time he speeds by because I know he is living so comfortable in his skin. 

     

Tomorrow I'm preaching on Ephesians 1, and it is chock-full of sermon material.  Perhaps what's brought this full-circle today is his blasting a little Stevie Wonder's, "Signed, Sealed, Delivered..."  Here's a snippet of the Scripture passage from The Message version: 

11-12 It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

13-14 It’s in Christ that you, once you heard the truth and believed it (this Message of your salvation), found yourselves home free—signed, sealed, and delivered by the Holy Spirit. This down payment from God is the first installment on what’s coming, a reminder that we’ll get everything God has planned for us, a praising and glorious life.

Gosh, these words are powerful...not only are we chosen and invited into God's unfolding redemptive purpose in the world, but we've been sealed by the Holy Spirit.  Marked uniquely in God's image, authentically created with purpose and creativity.  This offers us such reassurance that even at our messiest, God is right here in it all with us, continuing to work in and through us.  We humans spend so much time trying to fit the molds and meet the standards we perceive others require from us, when in reality God just wants us to buckle up, throw on our helmets and put ourselves out there in the world and love people.   

So there you have an overly-simplified, 5-minute Saturday night sermon.  I'm mindful tonight of my colleagues who may be taking hold of new pulpits in new places tomorrow, of the eagerness I feel in my own spirit to get back to doing what I know and love...and the anxiety that comes with wanting to do it all well.  Regardless of the vocation to which you have been called, my prayer for all of us is that we don't let anything get in the way of God's purposes for us and that we truly bring our authentically sealed-by-the-Spirit selves to this world.  

I wonder what songs you would blast while zooming along railroad park on your skateboard?  

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Devon

 

68 Days

 This is me.  Tonight on the porch sitting in the humid, AL air feeling just plain thankful.  I turn a year older in a few days.  I have bags under my eyes now, which I tried to blame on N-95's and hospital air...but honestly, even those remind me of the cost of choosing to really live.  A year ago I was not sure I would ever stand behind a pulpit again, having lost the joy and feeling of Divine-connection that had always been present in those moments of proclamation.  

Many of you reading this have been on a spiritual journey of your own since we met. My prayer is that my influence on that part of who you are has been a positive, challenging, and affirming one.  You know that's the most amazing part of being called to ministry, right? No matter where I find myself I have been given the real gift of walking alongside persons as they discover and claim their God-given gifts.  Everyone has these gifts and I believe with all my heart that when we come together in the sharing of these gifts we begin to see a glimpse of the Kin-dom of God.  Every single person we meet has something to teach us about the identity of God, and that makes me really love people...and really get excited about ministry.

So tonight as I sit here pondering the last year-with Al, my roommate's cat, I realize that I have learned the most life-changing lessons during this time of CPE.  There were so many moments last fall when I would sit in my room and wonder with fear if following my heart meant that my life would never have purpose again, if I had let God down, and if it was even possible to figure out the path ahead.  Slowly, the process began to take hold and as a mirror was held up to those false narratives I had lived by my whole life I was made to stay in the hard and to give words to emotions I had never let arise. I began to embrace the reality that being the real me is way more fun than being that person trying to figure out how to be what she thought everyone else wanted her to be.  

Friends, many of you have been my companions in the truest sense this last year. You've checked in on me, you've prayed for me, you've encouraged me, and you've shown me grace.  To be honest, thank you doesn't seem to express adequately how my heart and eyes overflow when I think about it.  I cannot wait to be able to spend time with many of you...only 68 days left in AL!

Here's the most exciting part of tonight, I have been dying to share...as of today I have been officially appointed as the Associate Pastor to The People's Church of Lansing.  In this capacity I will get to do lots of things I love, like work with college students at MSU and be in ministry with young adults, I'll get to preach and teach and work alongside an amazing Senior Pastor.  The best part for me is that this interview process felt more real, more authentic, than any interview previously, and the person they chose was the realest version of me I have ever been.  This is going to be fun!  

So...if any of you fine people have a lead on a place to live in Lansing...please let know! 

Thanks for being a part of my journey....you matter to me!

Devon

On my heart, and in my head.

I just got off a zoom tonight with some good people.  After it ended I scanned Facebook and read of yet another shooting of a black man in Minneapolis.  Ten miles from where George Floyd's murderer is on trial Daunte Wright was shot "accidentally" when the officer went for a taser, only to fire a pistol.  I started to share the news piece on my FB page expressing my weariness with this constant cycle of injustice and murder, wanting to stand in solidarity with the people of color in my community.  

Then I remembered that last week the white evangelical world got ahold of a prophetic prayer of lament written by Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes that was published in Sarah Bessey's latest (and amazing) book, "A Rhythm of Prayer."  You should totally buy the book, but here is the link to Dr. Chanequa's prayer and commentary on how it came to be: https://drchanequa.com/blog.  The prayer, entitled, "The Prayer of a Weary Black Woman," details how she wants to hate the white people that perpetuate the hatred, weary from being filled with a hope that one day "we" will get it, but consistently being disappointed by our lip-service followed by inaction.  She is crying out to the God that she knows is beyond the broken systems, the One who claims her as Beautiful Child.  Unfortunately, the loudest white evangelical Christians, the very ones who take verses out of the Bible literally and completely out of context, have done the same thing to this prayer.  The first line really stirred them up, and must have left them unable to read the rest and embrace the reality of which she writes.  It is vulnerably raw and beautiful.  And this reaction only shines a spotlight on the double-minded thinking that keeps us complacent, stuck in this systemic oppression allowing our fear to prevent us from speaking up and taking action. It is scary when the people you think are "yours" suddenly reflect something with which you can no longer agree, or perpetuate harmful rules by which you can no longer abide.  

So how could I dare share another post with a hollow nod to "thoughts and prayers" for my minority siblings, naming the injustice layered into so many aspects of my everyday life when I am certain that I perpetuate these systems on a daily basis? 

What is a black woman to do when we don't even allow her the the opportunity to voice her lament? What is a black man to do when the entire nation continues to argue whether a police officer should be allowed to murder a black man (ANY black man) by kneeling on his neck while his life drains from his body?   We acknowledge the pain racism causes but fail to put to death the racist systems that continue to make it difficult for minorities to vote, have access to decent healthcare, feel protected by law enforcement....and the list goes on.  We keep making THEM do the work.  And we wonder why anger shows up as riots in the streets when we close our ears to the cries of the oppressed. 

I almost did it again this evening.  I keep relying on BIPOC folx to teach me, show me, enable me to do better...but it's NOT THEIR JOB.  If I can think of anyone whose job it might be to get at the root of all of this and begin to change it, it is the job of white Christians.  So many of whom say they believe in Jesus the Christ but take not the first steps in repenting, confessing, or transforming or own biases. Afraid to recognize the privilege that seeps in simply by being born with white skin, claiming that "we were here first," while we detain immigrant children in cages, while every single Native American can tell us the story of our own immigration and their peoples' demise.

White Jesus-followers, we can do better, we must do better.  This is the very call of Christ - abundant life for ALL of God's children, freedom from oppression, truly loving persons because they bear the very imprint of God.  How in 2021 can continue to justify denying basic rights to persons because of the color of their skin? 

But honestly, I understand much of this with new vision these days, and I write mostly to remind myself that everyday I live as a follower of the One who turned the oppressive empire of His day on its head.  And I want to stay meek and humble, I want to continue to learn....because as I know better I can be a more prophetic voice, a better citizen, a kinder friend, generous and just. 

...more like Christ, I suppose.  

My prayer this evening is simple: 

Compassionate God, you are slow to anger, compassionate, abounding in steadfast love.  Teach me.  Offer me wisdom that my privilege might lead to change, my confusion and despair lead to powerful understanding, that I would move closer to those that I do not yet understand, trusting that as I do I will be transformed by their humanity, by their power and by the beauty they behold. Amen. 

Vulnerability is Scary.

 

Someone I love sent me this picture a couple days ago.  I have to admit that it made me pause.  I look so purposeful, cool, calm, and collected.  But the truth is this woman was filled with overwhelming fear.  I remember that day, those weeks, those months.  Some still say that the pandemic caused me to lose focus, but in all reality it called me to re-focus.  On what really matters, on what I really want out of this life.  We only get one, you know.  

I held the pulpit that day weary to my bones.  Burned out and unable to find the depth of joy I had always experienced. Grateful for hard lessons learned only by grieving life's foundational people, loss that led to loneliness, that led to soul-searching, not settling.  Fear that the rhetoric inside me was true, lifelong thoughts that incessantly reminded me that people would really only love me because of what I accomplished, the hours I worked, the lengths I went to grow and love and move people out of complacency.  

Little did I know that a new journey was about to begin, in all the ways.  I began to recognize the power of Love - the kind that I preached and taught, so everyone else would find it in themselves, the kind I had failed to realize was surrounding me, too.  It started with sympathy cards offering grace and kindness, cemetery meetings with people who shared the hardest parts of their lives through tears, funeral directors who'd laugh and cry and send me on life-altering adventures, and friends...I mean, REAL friends who let me sit with them and share the hardest truths I've ever spoken or felt, certain that they'd bail, and overwhelmed when they loved me right where I was, just as I am. Friends who've said "we're in this together," and have meant it every single day.   

I didn't know that day that what I longed for the most God had brought right to my doorstep.  The kind of soul-love that I always knew existed so would never settle for less. The kind of love that turns impossibilities into possibilities, that requires more brave than I ever knew I had in me.  The messiest, hardest, and painful beginnings of a forever love that I thought I would never find, found me, and she has changed and challenged me to be the best version of myself.  My "no, this can't be, it will mess up my whole life," slowly turned into "God, is this it? What I've prayed for so long I'd given up on?" Day by day, text by text, my guard came down and profound love planted its seeds.  

My entire life I have focused on one thing, being the best at what I knew I was called to do.  For a time in my life that was to be an athlete, then it became my goal to be the best ordained Elder in The United Methodist Church that I could possibly be, to love people genuinely and do whatever I could to make sure that all the people with whom I come in contact know that they are loved by a God who knows them.  This focus took precedent over everything else, including my family.  And it was good and valuable, and I kept telling myself that "this is enough."  Until it wasn't.  Leading now to this moment when I am confronted by the reality that who I love might just prevent me from doing what God has created me to do.  That is best kept a conversation for another time, I suppose.  

You know these dots, right?  The ones that just keep moving as someone types, the three little dots that make you wait for someone's reply?  For months I have been living in this space, sharing with the people I love the most, the ones who I want to know the truth, writing letters, making phone calls, and then waiting as the three dots just hang on the screen...as I wait to see if who I have fallen madly in love with means persons in my life no longer want to be there.  I wait and ponder if the people who loved me as a pastor will now decide I cannot possibly be called to preach and teach in their churches.  I wonder who will let me know of their disappointment, who will make sure and let me know that I am sinful or eternally doomed.  

The funny thing is this...in this moment right now I am the healthiest version of myself that I have ever been.  I am learning so much about ministry this year as I hold the hands of the sickest, most isolated Covid patients, and so much about myself as I process and form new foundations for self-understanding and care.  My heart is filled with gratitude for this gift that God has given to me, someone to share my life with, someone who makes me better.  I have always been an ally for the lgbtq+ community but I severely underestimated the amount of fear and vulnerability that comes with the process of truly coming out, living authentically.  If you are a part of that community, I am so sorry for not being bolder and braver on your behalf.  

Friends, I share this with you not to ask for your permission, or to apologize for potentially not being who you want me to be, but because I am done living in fear.  I am not going to let fear win anymore.  Instead I am trusting God all the way on this one, day by day, moment by moment, forward step after forward step.  And even in the midst of professional uncertainty about what will be next following this chaplain residency year, I am most grateful to be loved, really fully loved.  

Should our journey need to end here, I understand.  If you need to ask questions, do. If you decide to hang in there with me, I hope to write more often, especially for Lent.  If there is one thing I hope we have learned this last year, it is that we are all in this together.  Life's just too short not to be lived fully.  

Blessings and love, friends. 

Devon

Listening...

Kneeling Ministers

 Often these days, people in my life will ask me if I have ever considered starting my own church.  I have never fancied myself much of a church-planter, as I'm not sure I have the confidence or creativity required.  My standard response though, involves a great respect and desire for accountability.  I have followed in the wake of a pastor who was left unaccountable and in his process of leaving, he deeply hurt the beloved people who stayed behind because they did not agree with his agenda.  I have watched along with you as pastors on power trips end up giving the Body of Christ a bad name, who claim a handle on scriptural interpretation or kingdom politics for which  I'm not sure any of us have righteous authority. For as much as the denominational system is messy (especially in the UMC these days), there is a gift in the checks and balances it provides - meaning that none of us can go too far off the rails without someone we love, or at least someone who has authority in our service, checking us on our motives.  I experienced the gift of this system most recently when I cried out to a compassionate Bishop Bard in what was really one of the hardest moments in my life and ministry.  I experience the life-long gift of staying in relationship with my colleagues and friends on nearly an everyday basis.  That's why, for me, serving Jesus has led me into a system - it is flawed, for sure - but it does have its beneficial points.  That's why, even in the midst of the battle for a truly inclusive UMC, I haven't just cut and run toward another theological home.  

I experienced accountability of a different sort recently, when one of my Wesley House alumni sent me a message asking me if  in the wake of George Floyd's death I was addressing the harsh realities of racism with my mostly-white-middle-class-congregation.  She, a twenty-something black woman, wanted to challenge me to be bold and brave and not skirt difficult issues because they might be unpopular with the traditional church crowd.  She wanted to make sure that I practice what I preach with regard to racism and loving my neighbor regardless of their skin color, sexual orientation, or any other thing that separates us these days.  I appreciated her willingness to challenge me, because she was calling me to live into Christ's example and she was doing it with compassion and integrity.

I learned in middle school that a system of checks and balances is at the foundation of our national government.  The legislative, executive, and judicial branches exist to provide a balance of power.  As I read the news this week I pondered what has happened to this system, and what has happened to us? I watched as moments of the RNC glorified violence against black people - by claiming that a vote for Trump will protect law-abiding Americans and limit the "violent anarchists, agitators, and criminals who threaten our citizens."  The only violent anarchist I saw this week was a seventeen year old white guy in red, white, and blue crocs with a racist agenda and a long rifle.  The main agitator of violence and unrest seems to be our tweeting president who goes out of his way to stir people up and dehumanize. 

All of this fell on the same week as the 57th anniversary of MLK Jr.'s I Have a Dream speech.   The gathering in Washington turning into a peaceful protest calling for police reform and an end to racism.  Of course people are protesting - what else can be done when the system of checks and balances has fallen apart?  What else can you do when nobody will listen, when you are powerless in the machine of a system that has lost its ability to hold anyone accountable? 

Perhaps the Mike Pence Revised Standard Version of Scripture gets at the root of this problem.  Rather than running the race fixing our eyes on Jesus, he encouraged us to keep our eyes on Old Glory and all she represents.  What does it mean to be an American Citizen right now?  What are the most important aspects of this blessing?  Are we most blessed by the right to bear arms, or the freedom of speech, and what about separation of church and state? I fear we have reduced ourselves to the selfish ideals that claim "as long as I'm ok, I don't have to care about anyone else."  We have seen this ethic so clearly during this pandemic as people looking out for #1 forgot that their neighbors may have needs too (even if it is just for TP).  

I learned early on in my life that we are only as strong as our weakest person.  This was pressed into me on nearly every sports team I ever played.  It challenged the strongest players to assist and care for those who just needed a little more encouragement.  This thread has been woven into nearly every aspect of my life since, and as a white woman I am recognizing the depth of privilege I bear just because of the color of my skin and where I was born.  I have learned that what is perceived as weakness is rarely that, and to listen to people's stories because we are not all given equal opportunities.  Unfortunately, it has taken the events of the last few years for me to realize that saying nothing places me on the side of the oppressor and that I must do whatever I can to learn about anti-racism and just how to be an ally of the black community. 

This morning I found myself in downtown Birmingham on the Civil Rights Heritage Trail. I stopped by the historic locations of the 1963 Civil Rights movement, where black persons were beaten, sprayed with firehoses, and chased by dogs as they fought for their human rights.  I want to understand how we can be at this place again in our society, I want someone to really explain to me how Christian people can deny white privilege and support racist policies.  I want to be told why, in the name of Jesus, loving our neighbor somehow means loving the people that look and act and think like us.  I have listened and kept silent as persons I love explain to me that our President's awful behavior deserves a free pass because our stocks have gone up.  What does it mean to make America great again?  If it means that as long as I have more money I forgive any other offense, or that I agree with refugees being put in cages and losing their children, or that the inconvenience of wearing a mask outweighs the safety of another human....if this is a great America, it feels so contrary to Christ's call that I can't make sense of it.  If calls to redistribute funds used for policing can strengthen our ability to deal with the mental health crisis, should we not try it? If you're reading this and you're convinced I'm wrong, please explain it to me - please explain to me how greed has become the great catalyst for our existence these days.  I genuinely want to understand. 

I am the daughter of a Vietnam Green Beret who's life has been altered by the effects of war. I respect the strength of this nation.  In a few months we will bury my father with Old Glory  draped over his ashes.  My Dad was so proud of his military comrades and accomplishments, it defined his entire life.  I hope that what my Dad fought for, and his pride in this country, was rooted in the very ideals on which this country was founded: that all persons are created equal.  Wouldn't America really be great if we looked at all persons as equals, made in the very imagine of our Loving God, if justice were independent of skin color? 

For my black friends, know that you are not alone.  I am listening....for ways to learn, engage and support you.  For my white friends, are you listening...for ways to learn, engage, and support others?  We really must be in this work together.   

I ended my time this morning with the end verses of Psalm 139 - which continues to be a guiding prayer for me these days:

Search me, God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 

See if there is any offensive way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting.

May it be so.

Devon