I don't want to be selfish.

This picture only shows a few of the million Kenyan's that turned out for the elections on March 4th.  It is amazing to look into this process from my viewpoint.  In my work with Hearth to Hearth Ministries I have grown to love and respect many Kenyans (young and older!) They have anxiously awaited this day with the hopes that it will lead to a prosperous future for Kenya, rather than one ruled by corrupt practices.  Kenya is a fascinating place.  Nairobi is a booming city, fast-moving and professional.  On the way to our Hope Center near Homa Bay we pass through Masai lands, where young children are seen herding goats or cattle. Then in Hope's neighborhood there are markets, grass-roofed huts, few cement structures, schools, and still animals grazing in the fields.  It is an interesting thing to think about when it comes to elections.  Above you see people in line in a room without electricity, voting by the light of the paraffin lamp.  Many of these voters stood outside in the sun for hours in order that they have the opportunity to cast their vote.  

It amazes me the way God has orchestrated my personal involvement with the people of Kenya and Uganda.    What I thought was a few weeks of Sabbath and rest in Kenya quickly turned into a director position working on behalf of orphans in these two countries.  I can only attribute this to God's directing, as I had never really thought of myself as one who would work this closely with any international mission organization.   I have grown to love and respect these people as though they are members of my family and I long to be an effective leader as they work to change their lives and for a stronger future in Kenya!

Today as I made my cup of coffee and hopped on my laptop I got to thinking about my sermon from Sunday.  We are taking the weeks of Lent to deconstruct our spiritual lives as we also spend time focusing on the 12 steps of AA (NA/AlAnon...).  This last Sunday was Step 4:  Create a Fearless and Daring Moral Inventory.  For me this step is one of the most challenging.  It requires us to actually think about our reactions, the walls we have built up around certain parts of ourselves, asking why and how do we live our lives intentionally.  This step does not focus solely on negatives, but also on those areas in which we are healthy.  But it does require that we take the blinders off and really examine the interior of our soul.  

I am overwhelmed by the blessings I have received in my life.  I am grateful for the affirmations of God that have opened doors as I sought to follow God's call into pastoral ministry.  I am grateful for the people that have been placed in my life, those that have affirmed and those that have challenged.  

If there is one thing that I hope I will never be it is selfish.  I do not want to be a person who cares more about myself, one who places myself as priority over others.  Here I am drinking a hot cup of coffee writing a blog post while my loved ones in Kenya are anxiously awaiting results that truly will impact their lives.  Here I  have spent $1 on this cup of coffee while I realize that $1 could feed one of our orphans for an entire day.  

I long to know what the world will be like when we have truly been redeemed by God.  When all will know the Truth and we will not have such questions about war and tragedy.  When we will no longer kill for power, but will have the true understanding that "the last shall be first."  In trying to protect ourselves and our "stuff" we often harm others without even realizing it.  In our busy lives we often get so absorbed that we don't have a clue that people are persecuted, suffering, with no control over their lives.  While we are drinking our coffee it is easy to forget about the child starving down the block.  

In worship on Sunday one of our children said during prayer time, "I pray that people in the world will all be ok."  It was a simple yet heartfelt prayer.  What would it look like for all in the world to be ok, for everyone to have enough.

As I continue to work on my moral inventory I realize that this journey of faith will continue to challenge me to grow, even when it is difficult.  Reflecting on who we are and who we want to be is tough, but I think that's one of the building blocks of discipleship.  

As for me, I have more work to do.  God has more work to do in me.  I just pray that I am open to it!

What do you pray for?  

What Are We So Scared Of?

Lately it seems that everywhere I turn I am being drawn into conversations about "what the church says" about things.  It is easy for me to regurgitate what UMC polity says about things, it is easy for me to just look it up in our Book of Discipline and let folks read it for themselves.  Rarely am I asked what I believe about certain things, and generally I am pretty glad about that.  Stating what I believe and how I have arrived at this understanding is a slippery-slope that I am usually not excited about engaging.  UMC policies and polity direct my actions as a credentialed pastor in the United Methodist Church.  Thus, if I choose to remain within the denomination, I will serve God to the best of my ability within this system.  Aside from this larger structure, pastors serving within the local church also face the dynamics of each specific congregation.  Some churches are focused on specific mission projects with Haiti for example, some are full of professors, some appointments lead to working with college age young adults....these are also systems within which we preach and lead.  On an even smaller level the church is made up of groups of people. Each church seems to come with it's own "understandings" of things, each with its own prejudices, each with it's idea of "who is  in" and "who should be out"  and why.  We even go so far as to determine that "God could not possibly call so and so to the ministry..."  or "I can't believe that person is helping to lead worship."  Our lives are colored with the things we have learned from our elders, from our family systems, and from our own experiences  in the world.  Things that we define as "truth" at one point in our lives may actually be deemed "un-truths" as God presents us with different perspectives and opportunities.  These shifts in our understanding can only occur when we are earnestly seeking to know the heart and mind of God.

The hot-button "issue" thus far in my lifetime continues to be homosexuality.  My heart grieves over the amount of pain and sorrow that rages when this topic is spoken about.  Homosexuality becomes de-personalized and faceless as discussions rage on about "those people," "sin," as fingers are pointed and more and more people play God as decisions are made.  Yesterday a colleague of mine posted on Facebook about the latest debate dealing with homosexuality:  Should the BoyScout program engage young men who believe they are gay?  The governing body of Men's Ministry in the UMC, The United Methodist Men have spoken out in opposition, urging the Boy Scout's to stick with their current policies excluding these specific young men from their fellowship.  It sort of sounds like the UMM are asking for more time, and asking the Boy Scouts not to make any changes until....  Until when?  That is one of my questions.  If we continue to wait until everyone agrees on something and UMC polity actually becomes inclusive the current Boy Scouts may never live to see it!

At a denominational level the ordination of a "practicing" homosexual person is not allowed.  "Incompatible with Christian teachings" are the terms used to exclude this group of people from pastoral leadership in any UMC.  I guess, if you want to be technical about it, if you know you are gay and you don't "practice" that behavior then you are permitted your credentials.  (So basically being gay is ok as long as you don't ever have a romantic, spousal relationship with someone).  At our last General Conference this stance was upheld in the midst of much discussion and passion from both sides of the argument.  (I am not even going to engage this debate here because it's not really something I can do well in a blog post.)

When it comes to the Boy Scouts I am no expert.  I try my best to be as involved as possible with this group at my local church.  I am proud of the young men and grateful for the strong male leadership provided by the adults in the group.  As a Girl Scout drop-out I think I probably would have loved being a Boy Scout had I had the opportunity.  Scouting seems to engage a group of young men that find solace in being outdoors, in learning skills that challenge their mind and character.  

The Boy Scout Oath is:

• Duty to God and country,
• Duty to other people, and
• Duty to self

The Boy Scout Motto is:

Be Prepared!

The Boy Scout Law says:

A Scout is:

• Trustworthy,
• Loyal,
• Helpful,
• Friendly,
• Courteous,
• Kind,
• Obedient,
• Cheerful,
• Thrifty,
• Brave,
• Clean,
• and Reverent.

And my personal favorite, the Boy Scout slogan is: Do a Good Turn Daily!

This program teaches boys and young men some very excellent skills while also building character traits that can only help the world in which we live.  I have seen young men excel at leadership in the Scouting program, where they have not had that opportunity in school. I have learned much from the young men in our troop as they teach me things about safety and the outdoors, what it means to be helpful and put others before ourselves.  The young men in our troop are some of the most dedicated in our youth program and are very involved in worship and leadership in our church.  

I have no idea why we would want to exclude anyone from this opportunity, least of all someone who already feels "different" due to their sexuality.  I have no idea why a young man who believes he is gay should be set aside from the teachings that have changed the lives of so many of the young men that I know.  This doesn't make sense to me.  It is not a matter of glorifying anything or anyone, it is about a young person's opportunity to be taught healthy principles for living.  

In the midst of all these discussions I keep wondering, "What if the "rules" changed?"  What are we so afraid of?  Honestly, if we allowed all young men and boys to participate in Scouting do we think that somehow everyone of them will become a homosexual?  And as far as ordination, should homosexuality not be an issue, do we really think that all sort of "gay" people will come running to be ordained in the UMC?  Trust, me when I tell you that ordination is not an easy process and I don't think it is one anyone would embark on lest they truly felt called by God, not to mention the other affirmations that must come from the people with whom they fellowship and other church leaders.  This isn't like applying for a job, it is a life-calling placed upon us by God's stirring in our lives.  

I am a single woman in her early thirties.  When I arrived at the church I serve I was asked if I was a lesbian.  It seemed that because I was single I must be! (Not to mention pretty tall, athletic, and in my black "new appointment" suit.  And, I do drive a Honda Element....)  I was happy to explain that I happen to be eternally single and that I'm pretty open to meeting someone to marry when the time is right.  My first interview with this church and I immediately knew that this was one of those "fears" that held this church captive.  I had never been confronted with this particular issue, nor have I been asked about it as much in my entire life.  

As a teenager I spent weekends and summers working for a gay man in Saugatuck, MI.  He treated me like gold and I respect him and love him for who he is.  His sexuality never really entered my mind as an issue.  He taught me so much about working hard and treating all people the way I would want my mother to be treated.  God blessed me with this relationship.  

I have always believed that God is a God of relationships (3 in 1, after all).  That God desires us to be in relationship with Him and with others.  God has given us a gift in allowing us the emotions and opportunities to fall in love and be intimate with another person.  Asking someone to abstain from giving and receiving that kind of love seems like a sin to me.  Telling a young person who is in the throws of adolescent awkwardness that he can't join the Boy Scouts seems pretty sin-like too.

I love so many parts of what we do as The United Methodist Church.  I believe that our theology is right-on and conveys the deep well of grace from which our world needs to drink.  What would happen if we focused more on sharing the love of Christ than we do on who is right and who is wrong.  We are distracted, we are paralyzed, and we're running out of time.  

For this my heart grieves.