Wednesday, February 27, 2013

This week began with an interesting discussion about anger.  I lead a Monday morning study and it is a really wonderful group of folks.  There are a few regulars and some that come as they can, so you never really know who might show up.  God is always present though, and there is usually time for laughter and catching up (yes, we often "chase rabbits.")  We've been studying Matthew and had completed the Beatitudes the previous week.  We ran through the section about being salt and light, and into Jesus discussion about why He had come (to fulfill the Law, not to abolish it).  [If you are already wondering what the heck I'm talking about this all happens in Matthew 5]  The first mini-section is titled "Murder" and lent itself to a discussion on anger and the role it plays in our lives.  Let me tell you that this was something for which there was much to discuss!  It was a lively discussion, to say the least and we didn't get any further than those few verses.

I am no Bible scholar and in all seriousness should spend a lot more time studying and brushing up on my knowledge of it's context, and so forth.  I commend folks who have spent their entire lives studying one passage or one term.  I'm still just praying that God will reveal something new to me (and the group) as we discern together what is happening in the text.  It's pretty fascinating actually, when a passage that I assume will go through our minds quickly actually holds us up.  It is amazing how we have that immediate reaction to things and how those reactions are colored by our unique experiences.  For us, on Monday, we all seemed to recognize that something like anger can really wrap it's tentacles around our minds and hearts and prevent us from seeing things clearly.  

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  This Beatitude keeps sticking out in my mind.  Matthew wanted the early believers to keep perspective that what was happening in the immediate was not what was promised in the Eternal Future.  Blessed are those who mourn....blessed are those who not only mourn the death of loved ones, but those who actually mourn the things that aren't fair or just.  "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled."  How do we hunger and thirst for righteousness?   How do we long for peace in the world, for an end to diseases like cancer and HIV!  How  we do anger for things that we cannot control, for relationships that seem impossible to mend, for ideas to change the world.    I think God can use our anger if only it is focused on the right things.  We often have to do the hard work of being the "bigger person" and just offering forgiveness and moving on.  Often situations for which we have no control can challenge our very sense of self.  But in all of these situations we are being challenged to be more like Christ and less like our "selves."  

In my Family Systems Theory classes we are asked each time we meet, "When have you been most yourself, and when have you not been yourself?"  In ministry it is often challenging to bring our full-selves and yet maintain our call to share the grace and mercy of Christ.  [Yes, we are people...that makes this hard sometimes :-)]   It can be difficult to maintain who I am in the midst of who I need to be to serve as a pastor.  I haven't yet mastered this dichotomy but continue to seek God's wisdom in the  unfolding of God's call on my life.  God wants who we are, that's enough for God.  We need not put on any masks or be more like so-and-so.  God simply wants us to be open and by doing so we often become less of "self."   What Jesus points out in the Beatitudes is that we are truly our God-Created-selves when we are living for others, for the Kingdom of God, for redemption.  


“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
10 
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.


Today I ponder...how am I becoming more of the self God sees?  How about you?

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Passion & Pain

There is a character in the book, "The Secret Life of Bees," that I have always loved. Her name is May and she is portrayed as someone that is a little different than the rest of her family.  The main thing that I love about her is that she really feels what other folks are going through.  She is more than empathetic, even to the extreme of being unable to handle the sorrow of the world.  It's too big for her.  She loves deeply and weeps deeply.  
(On a side note: If you haven't read this book, you should at least rent the video...it's wonderful.)  
Sometimes I feel like May, though she is much more genuine and loving than I.  Things that seem so clear to me as good, right, and just are met with such resistance from people who think differently.  This is life, I know, but it often causes me to question if I am using my life in the best way to bring about the kind of change in the world that only God's love and grace can cause.  Recently we had a leadership retreat and we discussed whether or not we truly believe that the church continues to be God's vehicle for the redemption of the world.  We all agreed that we DO believe it and we want to BE it.  This is harder than it sounds because the church is made up of people.  We all cherish the love and power of the community, but we also love to be "right."  

Sometimes what we love can cause us the most pain, can't it.  I'm sure anybody who has children will understand that right away.  I've been thinking about my Lent journey these last few days.  I really need to be more disciplined about some things in my life.  I have gotten off track with some things.  In some ways, though I feel like I'm more "at home" in my calling than I've ever been before.  I have learned in the past few years to worry much less about pleasing other people and caring more about following the Holy Spirit's nudging.  This last few months has helped me realize that I need to spend more time investing in the lives of my family members, especially when they may not be long for this world.  I continue to ponder "balance" and  exactly what that means for me.  Because I love the Church and have embraced God's call to serve the local church, I want to do it in a way that leaves a positive impact on the world.  I guess that every single pastor would say the same thing!  It is our passion to serve a church that actually DOES help bring the world to redemption that makes us work so hard.  It is that same love and passion that makes us want everyone to attend "our" church or stick with "us."  But, just like people, God has allowed a variety of different theologies, worship styles, missions, classes....etc.  All of these can be seen as dividers, yet could also work to embrace and bring about redemption to the masses.  

I have told my congregation many times that I think they truly are a "mission" church.  The many waves of people attending and leaving have caused a lot of pain and confusion...and yet we have helped to grow lots of other churches in the community.  Can we really see it like that?  Can we be grateful that even when someone chooses to "move on" that they are truly searching for the church-home where God can speak most clearly to them?  Can I get rid of "me" and be filled with Christ enough to stand strong in the call to lead and shepherd those whom God has placed where I serve?  Have I become too saturated in culture wanting more and more... rather than transformation of my life and others at God's pace?  

My goal this Lent is to eat less chocolate...but more importantly to focus on the way God is bringing things together, placing before me and you many opportunities to be the church.  I want to focus less on that which divides, less on the political "you're wrong and I'm right."  I want to laugh with my brothers and sisters in Christ, cry with them, share and grow together as we look again at the power of the cross in our lives.  

When I think about what Jesus left behind I realize that he was so passionate about doing the work of healing and redemption that he encountered the same sort of pain that we all do.  Like May, he must have sensed the overwhelming burden of sin and struggle present in the people to whom he ministered.  He must have used those times in prayer, times when he went off by himself to pray, in order to fill up again on the strength of the Divine.  When we are passionate about something we experience the most Sacred amazing moments.  We also encounter those times when we realize that the world has a long way to go.  Along with passion comes pain, and that is why we too must take time to reflect, recharge, and be renewed in God's grace, love, and call for us.  This is what taking Lent seriously is about me for.  

So today I am truly grateful for the many opportunities to encounter God's redemption at work.  I am humbled by those sacred moments spent in the presence of God as lives are challenged and changed.  I am thankful that "my church" isn't the only one (though it is pretty awesome :-) and that God isn't done with us yet.  

May the Church continue to be God's vessel of redemption and transformation for a world in need.