As I sat through our normal proceedings that year, engaged in times of worship with my fellow UM's, ate meals and had lots of "parking lot" conversations I began to realize that my sermon stunk. I found myself in the midst of people who longed to have the power structure of the church reversed. I heard tale after tale of power struggles and of good pastors who would not receive appointments because their family's needs could not also be met in their Cabinet-appointed location. I knew that the Spirit was calling me to speak from the heart and from my love of the UMC and Wesleyan theology. Pastor's needed to hear that they were not a disappointment to God, that a decrease in church attendance or professions of faith was not necessarily because their specific ministry was ineffective. I believe that in many ways we are now reaping the consequences of years led by a broken organizational system. I was used by God that day (I hope and pray) to encourage those people who live and minister and care in the often mysterious trenches of ministry. I'm pretty sure that I even told the Bishop he could jump off a bridge and no one in our local church would notice....but if all the pastors in all the small burgs that house UMC's were to vanish, the world we be a different place...Christ's hands and feet would be less effective.
My first year in ministry my District Superintendent told me I was "too idealistic." He said that because I held high expectations for my fellow pastors. At that time I believed so much in the process, in the structure, and in the future of the church I am called to serve. I am idealistic I suppose....I believe that the power in the UMC (and in any large denomination) is found at the local level, in the nitty-gritty details of local church ministry, chaplaincy, etc. I believe that pastors need to feel empowered, encouraged, and cared for by those who hold superior positions within the organizational structure. I believe that we can only be stronger when we include all people, all points of view, all races, lifestyles, ages, and ideals. We don't all have to agree with each other but we do have to recognize that in the creation of each person God has done a mighty work, and that each person (regardless of our opinion) has been made in the very image of the God we love and trust. Our system continues to do all it can to uphold a structure of power that is not only killing our churches, but preventing us from accomplishing our mission to transform the world while "making disciples of Jesus Christ!
As I sit in the small village of Lake Ann tonight, my heart is troubled for my church. I pray this struggle I feel is not one of selfish motivation or preservation. I am definitely no expert when it comes to understanding what is happening in Tampa at our General Conference, though I have been excited about the possibilities that exist as the leaders and delegates of the UMC gather for discernment and vote-taking on legislation that could truly lead the UMC boldly into the future. I must admit that I have not been glued to my computer watching the live-feed of the events and discussions. I have only read snip-ets of decisions, heartfelt testimonies and confessions, and the blog posts of the delegates from W. MI. I recognize that the Spirit is at work, opening perspectives and offering healing. Unfortunately I also recognize that riding the fence on huge issues will only perpetuate the downward spiral in which we currently find ourselves. As a whole we sit on opposite sides of the table regarding huge issues, often led by the fear that comes with change. How will we move forward? Can we move forward when every side claims that the Gospel says....
Maybe we need to start with reading the Gospel again...
"A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must
love one another." John 13:34
If we are true to the Spirit's leading, true to the discernment process are we not all changing and in a constant state of transformation in the Spirit? It's when we think we've arrived, that our way is the only way, that we get stuck. We are stuck, aren't we?
Historically the Methodist's have played a large role in taking strong stands in the name of justice. These days it seems we are the last to move towards inclusion and accountability. We even struggle to have respectful, open, honest conversations with people who share different viewpoints. Our nation and political climate are a reflection of the polarized state of the church. "In the name of God, I'M right" is no longer an acceptable way of moving forward, reaching people with God's love, or transforming the world. I am challenged by many to be bold, to use my voice, and I feel frustrated that using my voice could actually make me a victim of this system as it has many of my colleagues. Because we are appointed under the auspices of a cabinet and bishop, should we "use our voices" they may just come back to haunt us. What avenues are there other than to write legislation that will be dismissed because it may alter the way we currently do business?
I love the UMC....and I am a United Methodist to my core. I believe in our theology. Unfortunately we are so busy trying to find ways to entice people into our churches that we have seemingly set that theology aside on many occasions. Perhaps instead of transformation what we need is reformation.
I'm ready to be reformed. Sign me up for the big horse and let me ride.
